If your relocation to another city has been successful, then you must know how good it feels to finally sit down in your new home right after the moving truck has left and congratulate yourself on a job well done.
You can’t help but feel great satisfaction about the flawless way you organized the entire move by creating a customized moving checklist and strictly sticking to it until the very end.
And what about the smart tactics of finding, researching, and hiring the best moving company out there?
On top of that, you took advantage of some great cost-saving techniques to bring down considerably the cost of moving.
Yes, you have every reason to be proud of yourself!
And yet, the time for opening that special bottle of champagne has not come yet. Many moving experts believe that the hardest part of a move comes after the moving day is over.
And they don’t just mean the never-ending job of unpacking or the great number of important post-relocation tasks that you will have to take care of one by one.
It is believed that the toughest stage of a move is the tricky period of dealing with a post-move phenomenon known as relocation depression.
How can relocation cause depression?
You still carry the moving inertia during the first few days after moving into your new home. In the beginning, the excitement of living in a brand new city and the thought of making new good friends will be filling you up and won’t leave much room for any negative emotions.
Combine that vacation-like thrill with the pressing post-move tasks you’ll be forced to deal with right away and you get the perfect remedy against any depressing thoughts after your cross-country move.
Feeling as blue as a gargoyle after the move?
However, once the adrenaline-filled moving day hecticness is behind your back, the new home excitement wears off and your mind realizes that this “vacation” will last for years to come, you may start to feel one of the strongest side effects of moving – depression.
The depression due to relocation is not something that can be touched, or smelled, or seen, but it surely is a powerful force to be reckoned with. This unwelcoming physiological state comes as a direct result of leaving your old life behind – a life where you enjoyed the highly familiar and comforting daily routine, the unforgettable moments with good and loyal friends, the unquestionable support of your family, and maybe even a greatly satisfying job you loved.
In other words, post-relocation depression is your mourning period of the life you no longer have and could never bring back.
How Much do Movers Cost?
Save up to 40% on your upcoming move and get a quote from reputable moving experts.
People react differently to residential relocation and some handle sudden changes much better than others. Some people breeze through the post-move period by diving headfirst into the new environment and don’t seem to be affected much by the change of scenery.
There are also individuals who tend to have more serious trouble adapting to unfamiliar settings and need more time to properly settle in, but they don’t really realize they have become victims of that post-move phenomenon and manage to find their own battling techniques to deal with relocation depression, usually by facing and tackling each attacking issue one at a time.
Regrettably, there are also those who get hit by severe relocation depression, struggle to regain their normal inner rhythm, and can’t seem to rediscover the purpose that used to bring meaning to their lives.
Excessive sleep is one of the most typical symptoms of relocation depression.
Here are some of the more typical symptoms of relocation depression that you need to watch out for once the dust of unpacked moving boxes settles down in your new house.
Excessive sleep. One of the most common depression symptoms is finding out that you sleep much more than you normally do. If approximately 8 hours were enough to fully recharge your batteries, then the sudden 12 or more hours of sleep is usually a good indicator that something is not quite right.
Uncharacteristic tiredness. Waking up tired and devoid of energy even after a good night’s sleep, and then starting about your day in a painfully sluggish way as if you were moving underwater could be a sign you’ve fallen victim to relocation depression.
Unwillingness to leave the house. Are you spending most of your time inside your home and feeling strong reluctance or even fear to step beyond your doorstep? Do you automatically reject any invitations or suggestions to go out and do something outside the confines of your house or apartment? If yes, you may be down with relocation depression.
Lack of desire to socialize. The mere thought of meeting and interacting with new people sounds very unappealing and even frightening, and you prefer to spend your days on your own.
Tangible apathy. You exhibit a notable lack of interest in doing anything special, except maybe sleeping and watching TV all day.
It’s hard to know whether the symptoms you’re exhibiting are the result of the post-relocation separation anxiety or not – it’s possible that you don’t feel your former self for some other medical reasons.
One way to know for sure that you’re under the influence of this highly undesirable side effect of relocation is if you feel energized and ready to take the world head-on only when you talk with your old friends or when you plan a visit to your old home in your old city.
Read on to find out how to deal with relocation depression.
How To Overcome Relocation Depression
Do not despair if you fear that you may be struggling with separation anxiety, for there are a number of proven relocation depression strategies to help you find a way out of your current cul-de-sac and start enjoying your new life as you should have done by now.
Try hard to make new friends
Don’t just hide in your home but go out and get to know your new city.
Making new friends may not be a walk in the park, especially if you don’t have it in you to befriend strangers almost seamlessly as some people do.
And yet, it’s imperative that you do your best. It’s no secret that friends will give you exactly what you need to break free from your nostalgic post-relocation sadness.
Start small until you regain your confidence. For example, why don’t you go over to your new neighbors, say something like, “Hi. How are you?” and maybe even invite them to a humble housewarming party? Be friendly to your new colleagues at work and make an effort to go out more often and meet new people with a smile on your face.
Unfamiliar settings can easily bring about ungrounded fear and darker thoughts. The solution? Turn the unfamiliar surroundings into more familiar ones by exploring your neighborhood first and then your city.
Be brave enough to step outside the illusionary safety of your new residence and you’ll see how fresh possibilities will open in front of you one by one. Take a walk in a beautiful city park, dare to go shopping in a crowded shopping district, visit historic city landmarks and locate important places (hospitals, post offices, police stations, etc.).
The more you get to know your still strange city, the less strange and more appealing it may become in the end.
One proven way to overcome relocation depression, which is partly due to your unwillingness to accept abrupt change, is to surround yourself with familiar items and place them in a familiar fashion so that you make your new place feel more like your old residence.
Arrange the furniture pieces exactly the way they were before the move and install the same furnishings throughout the living space in order to get that well-known and enjoyable warm feeling of home-ness that you’ve been robbed of.
Some people will probably not understand your nostalgic home interior recreation and that’s okay. After all, you’re the only one who knows the secret and highly complicated household arrangement pattern that has the power to restore your inner harmony and peace of mind.
Reliving the joys of your childhood may be just what you need to settle into your new city more quickly.
Making new friends is probably the most effective technique out there to fight depression due to relocation.
And while your new life is taking you forward, do not forget to look back and keep in touch with your old pals.
Nowadays, it takes nothing more than a mouse click or a single finger tap to talk and even see an old friend, so distance is a poor excuse to let great relationships slip between the cracks of your new reality.
If you do happen to find yourself a bit overwhelmed by your new life, keep repeating to yourself that sometimes backward is the only way forward.
Do something crazy
If you can’t seem to find a way out of your depressed state of mind, consider breaking your set daily rhythm and your inner pattern by doing something you wouldn’t do under normal circumstances.
Simply put, do something crazy (reasonably crazy, of course) like joining a chess club or signing up for yoga or dance classes, or learning how to play a musical instrument. Find yourself new hobbies and interests to clear your head out of any sad thoughts and help you meet new interesting people seamlessly.
And most importantly, don’t be too hard on yourself. You have just survived a stressful and testing move which, even without you realizing it, may have turned your world upside down, broken your daily routine to pieces, and wreaked havoc on your internal biological clock.
Be patient. Your pre-move and post-move lives are closely interconnected and it will take some time before your life essence balances itself out.
Are you familiar with the concept of communicating vessels? Your new post-move life and your old pre-move life are interconnected vessels, and you’re playing the role of the medium between these two entities.
Now, similar to the homogeneous liquid inside interconnected containers which requires time to balance itself out to the same level inside the vessels, you also need time to acclimatize properly to the unfamiliar surroundings and advance slowly but steadily through the adaptation period.
You need more time, so give yourself more time. One little step at a time, just like a baby learning how to walk for the very first time. Right?
The relocation depression strategies described above will help you find the right path much faster but the best way to fight the post-move side effect is to avoid relocation depression altogether.
The moment you set foot in your new home, believe in your inner strength to handle change, use your strong will to avoid the cleverly set depressing traps and counterattack the unexpected enemy with the healing power of positive thinking.
Yes, occupy your mind with positive thoughts and soon you’ll be ready to have your relocation depression for breakfast. Bon appétit!
I just moved across town (20 minutes away) and feel the same. It hit me the day after the move, a tired, empty feeling. Trying to get out of the house is a chore! I’m hopeful it’s just a temporary post-move depression. And I’m glad I’m not the only one who feels like this. In a couple weeks or so we’ll probably all feel a lot better.
I moved about 18 times or more in 4 years, and my locatiom is gonna be 20 min away too! I hope you all can adjust to youre new home too, it takes a few days but try watching a movie that makes you happy- that always works- do you agree?
During the whole process of selling my house l was having panic attacks and the feeling l was doing the wrong thing. I just kept trying to stay positive but l just kept crying and was feeling overwhelmed by my feelings.
I hated people look around my house and felt that the estate agents weren’t really on my side at all l felt so depressed.
I have been having lots of regrets on moving and it’s been 5 months now.
It doesn’t seem to be getting better
I feel the same way. I hated people walking in my house and wish I never sold it. I loved my house just not the neighbors or town anymore. I also sold quicker than planned to escape my boring life. Now I’m even more depressed and still bored and regretting selling my perfect home. I am so sad and embarrassed as I turning 56 next month and have nothing to show for it. Living in an Airbnb temporarily until I figure out my next move.
I can relate. I am preparing to move to a new home in the area where I grew up at, but I’ve been in my current home for 5 years. The move is coming up in about a month and I already feel depressed about it. Hoping I can fight his feeling and focus on the positive aspects of it. Glad to know I’m not alone. It’s only 30 minutes from where I live now.
I just felt sick all the time. Feel that the estate agents were really working for their own benefits and not me. The solicitors were rubbish. The couple buying my house were a bit mischievous and deceitful.
I have had lots of counselling even now after 5 months.
It’s been a week since the move, I’ve never been this depressed and can’t understand why. This should be exciting, bigger house, closer to the kids school, yet I feel empty and just want to sleep. I dread unpacking another box, but “I have to”, but don’t want to. I am on anti-depressants and have been for a while, yet now it’s hit me hard…
Hi I no how you feel . We moved in January and I hate it so much here . I got myself a job people are ok but just don’t have the same since of huma . My son hates it to my daughter just finished uni so got a job in London but hates leaving me . My husband works way some times for about 2 to 4 weeks . Yes it’s nice to have a lovely house but I need to be happy and now I don’t no where is home any more . I do have my mum and dad up the road but they are all ways asking questions does my head in . My husband means we’ll just won’t the best ans a better life .
Hi
My name is George. I feel the same way despite the fact that I moved to a bigger house 4 days ago. It is approximately 800 meters away from the place I used to live my entire life. Unlike myself, It seems my family members do not have any relocation depression syndromes. As to me I feel very depressed. It feels like I have lost everything I had in my life. I have had only 10 hours of sleep during these 4 days, I lost an appetite and any desire to do anything at all. Confused all the time. I can not find my place here, seems like I am a guest at a hotel, total stranger. Total emptiness in my soul. I do not know what to do or what to expect in future.
George, everything you said is my complete fears of moving and I haven’t even moved yet. The house is for sale and we have a house picked out, but I am scared to death that I will feel like I will be living in a vacation home or hotel (exactly as you said, I keep thinking). You exactly expressed my every fear. I know this is an old post, as your date is from 2016 and I am writing this in 2019, but I am hoping this message still finds you. How long did it take you to get rid of the depression and move on? I was hyperventilating reading your post and hyperventilating responding. Your post, of all, expressed my very being, especially the total emptiness in your soul.
In two weeks, it will be six years that we are in SW Florida. Our lifelong dream to move here when husband retired. I am 900 miles from Kentucky where I lived 41 years. Husband loves Florida. We are so poor since he has retired, he has had to take a part time job. We sold his 26 year old car and just have my 18 year old SUV. We have credit card debt. In those 6 years, we have moved 3 times in Florida, continuing to downsize. Pretty soon we will be living in a cardboard box. I miss our children, my family, and friends. I am so depressed. It is so lonely, boring, hot and humid here. Cost of living more. Terrible drivers, snowbirds 6 months out of the year, terrible medical care, terrified of hurricanes. With all the stress I now have hypothyroidism and fibromyalgia and can’t work, but don’t qualify for any assistance. If I didn’t have a dog that loved me so much, I’d just swallow a bunch of pills…
To Linda: I probably live close to you. I so understand, however, i am getting to make friends here. I just wish my daughter did not speak as she did to me recently, making me feel we deserted our family and I do not see it that way. My husband is very happy here, he deserves it, so do i and we have to stop feeling guilty. Did everything EVERYTHING to give our kids a great life. I am sorry though for your financial issues that has got to be very very difficult. I am new to this blog and did post a comment i believe it was May 19th if you can find it, Susan
I just read your post and I can relate. I’ve moved so many times out of state and in-state for the past 15 years. I’m depressed. The only way I get out of the depression is that I get in my car and just drive. The depression is still there when I get home but not as bad. The key is to look forward to anything. Create anything you can look forward to.
I moved 10 times in one year. Hard to get attached to any house that short of a stay.
The big deal breaker was moving back to a mountain town that was always home to me since a child
It was the best of times and the worst of times. I wanted no past experiences to rain on this move as I re entered my beloved man town. But you can’t erase your history so if the draw to go back hurts terribly right now, give it a chance. Go camp outside your old house and remember the reasons you wanted to leave. You are very close to revisiting that house because its so close to you. That’s a plus. Soon er or later you will tire of revisiting the old house. Relish the new one. Be kind to yourself. Give yourself time. If you have tried everything and that old house was the love of your life, consider making an offer to buy it back. Anything is possible and the sticker price shock of buying it back might bump you forward to accepting, the new house ain’t all that bad.
Just know that you are not alone. I’m moving in the next couple of weeks and I’m already have anxiety attacks even though it’s only 20 minutes away. This is my 3rd move in less than 2 years and it gets a little easier each time but I still go through a mourning process or something like that. I, too, am on antidepressants but I just need to know that I react strongly to any type of change. It’s just in my DNA and/or mindset. I need to think more positively. That’s my biggest problem. Take care of yourself and you will be better soon. Every day makes a difference.
I can relate to the moving depression. I have huge regret of the place I just moved to and it’s 2 hours away from where i was. It’s a small town and depressing and I don’t even want to settle in now. I needed a place to live and took it sight unseen as it was a new construction affordable rental. I want to move again but don’t have another place to go. I’m having a hard time aligning with this place and stuck in a 1 year lease. I just spent money to move and feel trapped. Any suggestions?
I too moved South as my husband no longer wanted to live in cold climate. I loved it here since arriving 9 months ago, but now I am finding I miss my children/grandchildren terribly. I do not have my routine anymore of visiting them, I feel lost and bored. I always though as my husband said “so you fly back home” but it is not that easy to do. my children live far apart so i have to make long car rides to see them at their separate homes. I have a great husband and he has earned this, has supported us for many years, but I feel so sad at times. I understand feeling trapped. And I am in a beautiful place! I keep busy….does not matter I feel like I have deserted my family…….they say it is ok but I truly dont know as sometimes I am needed and cant hop on a plane every time i want to be part of something! comments welcome, please!
Yes my dear. I have been and am in the place you are. I moved back to a mountainTown where I met my husband, had great jobs and then a divorce that eventually made it too hard to live close to him and his third wife. Always something there to remind me. I was not ready to live in a house that wasn’t ours anymore and att we most to get it back were futile. God was telling me something. Move on but that took years and more moves to manage that.
Since you can’t relocate right away, try enlisting newer people to show you why this house has all the makings of great growth.
The door may very well open again. Wait. Timing is everything. Patience is concentrated strength I’m told and it is true.
I’m curious why you’ve moved three times in two years? Could you not find a place that you wanted to stay in?
Thanks so much for this! The move was two years ago (not my choice) and I’m still VERY sad about it.
I have struggled with depression for 20 years now and when the house was sold in 2014, I was devastated.
I miss it so much. To make matters worse, I found out that the new owners have already put it up for sale and I have no money to buy it back.
I REALLY wish I could.
I moved across the United states with my abuser/husband to start and brand new life and escape my abusive siblings. Now i feel so stuck and lost and beginning to feel so helpless. I pray I journal I am job searching but i just keep getting more and more buried in stress and problems. I don’t have money or driving skills to drive me and my two toddlers back to California and everybody will know I failed at a new life. Common sense says to leave all the abusiveness behind but the last time i left my husband I become more lost then I was being with him and tolerating him. My coping skills weren’t strong enough and my life hit a crisis. Back in California I had all the connections to resources I was in counseling involved in a church I had family and help with finding a job. My life was starting to get better. But with my new move I’m with scraps now. I don’t portray myself as a victim. I wear a big happy smile I laugh a lot I am hopeful and I encourage those around me. It can be extremely exhausting. I don’t know how much longer I can do it. I could never share this with people i know because they will either feel sad get mad or wont believe me which is why I am venting to a whole bunch of strangers on the internet. ITS SAD but its the only thing I feel I can do for relief. Please pray me, I need help!
In 2015 I started a study-abroad program in the country of my dreams where I would finally be able to be myself and live a better life. Nine months ago, my program ended and I had to come back to where I was born, a country I loathe, a country where I don’t belong, a country where I don’t feel any pride in saying its name.
I’ve been crying for nine months and I don’t see myself getting out of this cycle. I miss my friends, my experiences, my freedom, my life in my dream country. I miss how amazing I felt. I drown myself in my memories and my pictures with the hopes of, one day, the sooner the better, going back again.
But until then, I feel dead. I feel empty. I hate how unfocused on my studies I am right now. I hate how sad I am right now, but sadness is the only thing I have. I can’t even bring myself to fully unload my pain on anyone by now because it’s been 9 months and everyone, I assume, is more than tired of listening to me yammering about a pain that no one can relate to.
I have just moved 6 hrs drive away from our old home and am feeling so depressed. We have left family behind also. The move was because of financial reasons after retirement. I have no motivation when i wake up & have slept so much its rediculous. I wake around 3-4am every am & go back to sleep midmorning only to feel worse. I wish i could find an answer as I feel like there is nothing left to live for anymore
Why don’t you go back to your dream country? Life is too short to feel like death…
I am myself left just a short ago a city that i have been living in for almost 4 years for uni… Now I back to my hometown and feel like shit. I miss my uni town but don’t have the money right now to pay for it. It all happend so fast… Really wish I could feel good again… I kind of hate my hometown. People are so boringgg, everyone here are the same. Everyone is religous, looks the same, talks the same. My uni town was free. liberal. cool. Now I feel like shit.
Hi I have this and cannot shake it off, we have moved 200 miles from my birth place to be in the countryside where my partner grew up, he has his group of 5 friends or so and they are all close, their wives have generally not been the warmest so I’m reluctant to interact. I have a large group of girlfriends back home and I loved my job which also gave me a social avenue and someone to talk to too. Now my partner ironically have gone back home 5 day a week to his old job because he missed it,,, lol I’m very cross at this as I feel I have been dumped in the country side. I have little money as the job i do , which i have to say i got sorted 2 days after moving is very unsociable and although I meet 30-40 people a day i see them for 5 mins. It’s not a team effort far from it and miss that terribly. My anxiety is through the roof and struggle to even go out the front door sometimes, I cry a lot and feel like everything I worked so so hard at is gone and now I’m billy no mates, no partner around and hate my job. Not quite how it was sold to me but I got the mortgage.. I need to sort something out but am struggling as to where to start..
Do you also maybe feel like you have made a sacrifice and your partner doesn’t really understand the extent of it, and you feel like he “didnt have to do much” and takes it for granted? Cause that would make it all worse. I have moved from Russia to United States for someone, leaving all my friends, my family, all the places I grew up around, for someone, and that someone took it for granted, in fact he wouldnt agree to relocate to a nearby city in U.S. because “he wanted to be close to his family.” That felt awful how unfair things were. He needs to give you credit for what you have done. As to relocation depression, I cannot give you advise as I need it myself. It has been 8 years after I moved now and I still struggle and mourn my old life.
Hi I have moved across the country to start a new life. My partner and his two children live there, so im not only moving im also becoming a parent. Its been about ten days and I’m struggling hard. Keeping quiet just working on my laptop. This article has helped but its not easy to meet new people when you’re older. I have started going to regular yoga classes hoping I might meet some people. Any other suggestions to get out of this funk would be great. Thanks SP
I moved across the world to be an au pair just a few weeks ago. My depression is hitting me hard. I don’t yet know if I will be able to complete the full year since I know I have the option of going back. On the other hand, even if I go back early, I will have to begin my studies in a new city anyway. I feel like I am never going to go home again.
I am in the process of relocating to Coeur d’Alene, Idaho with my husband and have never felt so miserable in my life. 20 years ago we moved from California where we are from originally to relocate to Washington state where we raised our children and set our roots. Due to the financial tax burdens in our state the cost of living became much more difficult in recent years and with our last child having graduated from high school in 2016, my husband made the decision to sell and move. I have begged and pleaded to find a higher paying job to stay in our home but to no avail. I am harboring anger and resentment toward my husband mostly because my kids have made the decision to not come with us understandably so but not at the expense of my grief. It’s only a five hour drive but its five hours too far from my kids. I am so proud of their independence. My 23 year old works for Google, my 21 year old is a server and full time student at University of Washington, but its my baby, my 20 year old that is in his second year at a junior college and also a server that has chosen to move in with his best friend of 20 years and his mom. I am grateful that he has this option but I’d rather he live with his own mom! I’m devastated and all I do is cry—I’m so tired of feeling so miserable, and my husband says, “every day is what you make of it” but I just want to tell him to F off since it’s HIS decision that we make this God awful move that HE thinks will be better for the family in the long run. No one ever told you that “the hardest thing about motherhood is your children growing up” We are set to move August 21st, and each day that gets closer makes me more and more miserable and anxious. I understand how all of you are feeling!!! Virtual hugs to all of you.
Omg, I am so sorry to read your sad story. I see it was a year ago and was wondering how things have gone for you? Did you move to idaho? How are things? Please update!
My goodness I am crying reading these posts. I thought I was the only one who felt like this. I cry every damn day and it’s been a year. We have been through hell as well – first place we moved to in this area did not work out for many reasons – but since we’re in a beautiful place my husband wanted to give it a go from another location more suitable but in the same geographic area. And it made sense, why give up until you give it a fair try. Yet I’m sick inside. I can’t even enjoy it here and we’re in a beautiful place. I just want my kiddo and family back! Even after conversations that we’d have “meaningful” and “purposeful” visits with the kiddo, I feel so lost b/c I can’t get there easily. Stupid airlines cancelled the daily direct flight that was part of the impetus for moving to this location. Now travelling back and forth is a schlep instead of a direct flight. And he moved in with his girlfriend’s family and I feel like I’m missing out – although even if I hadn’t moved I’m sure they wouldn’t have moved in with us b/c of our previous house setup. But still – I would see them more often. And I feel like I’m never going to get back that time – FOMO. I completely underestimated the strength and power of love and relationships. Maybe I should start an online support group for people in this situation.
Sad to read that so many people are feeling so blue after their move. I feel really unsure of everything having moved to a new city and a new job. I already know loads of people here, so it should be easy. But I miss my old life. I’m going to try like the article says and mourn it. They were good times but it was time for new times. Good luck feeling better everyone! I recommend joining a choir, getting plenty of exercise and wearing an eye mask to promote good sleep.
As a single person living near my daughter, I rented for almost 10 yrs. I bought a nice little place with some land about 30 minutes away.
finally got moved in but am still living with boxes everywhere. I feel like I’m just going thru the motions of getting up, driving a different route to work, get thru the day and then go home. I wonder if I did the right thing, then remind myself that I’m paying less than what I did when renting a place that wasn’t being kept up by the owners. I’m trying to find the joy of ownership and know I will but I just need to keep reminding myself that it will be OK.
It will be ok. More than ok.
Change is hard. Moving is right up there with the 5 biggest stressor in life. You will like ownership. You call the shots. Slum lords are awful and really beat you down. Try taking a room at a time and paint it. Experiment. Get a pet if you like think boxes should be the new furniture. Have someone over you enjoy and doodle potential designs. Land is marvelous. Give yourself time. You can do this but I do empathize the uncertainty. It will pass if you grow with the change.
we moved 1 1/2 hours from where i grew up it was my husbands dream to sell a farm in a very high priced area and buy another farm where land is much cheaper as our retirement i so miss the lovely farm land and wide open spaces we now live where there is a lot of scrub land and run down farms the farmers here are very unfriendly as they do not like new people moving in and putting up new buildings and clearing land there are numerous other new families here but all mennonites and keep to them selves i was so out going and knew everyone here i have made an effort to go to the neighbours they come on the porch to talk but would never invite you in there home at christmas we invited 3 families in for drinks and food no one showed im having a really depressing time with this and so want my old life but know this can never happen all i can think of is i will never be happy in my life again
we moved but didnt really need to. I instigated the move.. we still hve our small terrace up north. I moved my child in line with 2ndry school deadlines. My partner is still working up north. My child preferred staying put but went with it. Hes now settled and I dont feel the small city is for me. Its also going to mean taking out a mortgage to buy somwehere.. to live. currently renting. Id rather be elsewhere if im honest.. feels up in the air. I think leeds would have been 70 miles nearer.. to our old town. and still in yorkshire. where i have connections. Not finding Derby quite what i thought it would be.. Should we move back.. and what about 2ndry schools. here he is in line for one of the best. I do luv diversity hwoever.. but im missing the close knit community and friends i made through.. connecting with various local charities.
My name is Amber. I am 15. I just moved not even a full year ago and my mom is already trying to move again and it hurts. The first time I lost my friends being in my presence every day, my church, my social activities… It is all gone. Now we’re moving again AS SOON AS I MAKE A FRIEND. As soon as I am starting to cope with my new life here we are starting over again. I find myself sleeping just to avoid the days. I don’t eat as much; maybe a snack every day. No one can do anything about it and she can’t just find a house in this same city and I’m tired of it all.
I moved 1,100 miles from home to North Carolina. I have been gone for 4 months now & am still very depressed. I started a new job & relocated at the same time. This has been very hard on me. My family is with me now, but I miss the familiarity & comfort of home. How long does it usually take to get over my anxiety/depression? I am stuck in a 2 year relocation agreement. Any advice would be appreciated.
I’m grateful for this article and especially to those who’d taken the time to share their experience. I’d lived in a wonderful 4 bed/2.5 bath single family home with my life partner for many years. One day he took his life and, not only could I not afford nor maintain a house this size by myself, the owners decided to sell it. A friend of a friend had a 1 bed/1 bath cottage available to rent and I’d moved in with our last dog. My whole life was turned upside down, my commute to work doubled, and I hated it there. After losing Belle in December and the landlord having become enraged and screamed at me when I said I was lonely and was thinking about another dog and he refused to allow it, I’d finally found a nice condo that’s in a great location, modern, and actually has a garage, a doorbell, a garbage disposal! The owner needed to paint and replace the nasty carpeting with laminate and they’d terribly misjudged how long this would take while pushing me to move in ASAP. So fool that I am, I’d moved in a few days ago and the place is a construction zone as the floor isn’t done and the place not move-in ready. I can’t unpack yet as a sawdust is everywhere and their contractor will have to be working in here around my stuff while I’m at work. I’m praying it’ll be completed by the upcoming holiday weekend, but I can’t stop crying as I’m so disappointed, this isn’t how I’d envisioned this move, I struggle with depression to begin with and this move hasn’t helped and I can’t stop crying. I thought I’d be so happy leaving some of my horrible memories behind to start afresh, but I’m hating myself for not waiting until June 1 to move in when the work would have been done. I still have hope that everything will be OK, but on this Sunday night I’m drowning in depression. Sorry this is so long; thank you for reading. Hugs to all struggling with making such a major change in their life.
This article was nice to read. Knowing others are experiencing similar feelings as mine makes me feel like I found my people. I am sure I have relocation depression and the sad part is I relocated here 20 months ago. We relocated for my husband’s job. I’m a stay at home with five children. I really felt that once we were here in our new lives, I would embrace it. I tried. I am MISERABLE. We moved from New York to New England. We never did live near any family. We’re on the East Coast. My family is all on the West Coast and my husband’s family lives in Europe. Its not family I miss. It’s everything else. Our old house, all of our friends, our old lives, Central Park, the metro north and even the E train. I NEVER thought I’d miss that E train but I do! I really thought by now I’d feel much better about things but I don’t. I’d love to move back but my husband’s work is here. I know his work schedule here adds to my frustration. I hate it! In NY he worked from 8am to 5pm and was home every night around 6pm. He had hours with the kids before they went to bed. We’d go a lot of places as a family. Before I moved here he told me he had the option of going in earlier and working from 6am until 3pm or going in after rush hour and working from 10am to 7pm. He opted for the earlier schedule. Then one month after we arrived here it became apparent that he needed to align his work with his colleagues and they are all working a later schedule so he started leaving at 8:30am and arriving home around 7:45pm. Then the work load increased so now he leaves the house at 6:30am and does not get home until between 9-10pm. Some days he’s here around 8 -8:30 but usually not. Once a week due to having to prepare slides, he’s not even home until 11pm. Then he just eats and goes to bed. 100% of maintaining the house and the kids is on me. I am starting to resent him for this. I have become a married single parent. The other night I was screaming at him “YOU DUPED US INTO MOVING HERE THEN ABANDONED US!!!”. He was obviously very upset and just kept saying “I need to keep my position going well for the security and to provide a good life for you and the kids”. I want him here more but I don’t see that happening so I’m sad. I’d rather live in a lower cost of living area where my kids can see their dad more than this hellish situation I’m in. I cry all the time. I went from having a husband home by 6pm to rarely seeing him. Occasionally days go by where my youngest children dont see him as he leaves before they wake up and comes home after they’re sleeping. Some days I dont see him either because I’m exhausted all the time. I am MISERABLE. I hate it here and I feel so stuck. I know I need to reach out to a therapist because I want to be happy again and I need a fresh perspective. I put on a happy face for my kids but at the end of the day I am just so sad. It doesn’t help that some of my children have special needs so I’ve had to start all over with doctors, specialists, therapists and schools. It’s just really hard on me. I am surrounded by my children but I feel soooo alone. I do love my husband but there is no way we can be happily ever after with me feeling the way I’m feeling. I just want to feel better and I feel as miserable now as I did a year ago with no end in sight. Sorry some of you are walking down the same path. 🙁
Oh man! I am so sorry that you are going through this! We moved from California to Arizona at he end of June. My 11 year-old daughter is having a really hard time. she keeps having debilitating foot pain that is unexplainable. I think it may be depression. I was doing ok with the move until a week ago and now I can’t stop crying all the time. We left our family and the school the girls grew up in. I had no idea it would be so hard! my husband has been flying here on the weekends but still works in California during the week. I feel so alone. The doctors have scared me into thinking my daughter has an autoimmune disease. We had several appointments last week with no answers. I am here all alone without my husband and family and now have a child in a wheelchair who cries she can’t walk. The move was partially my idea but now I just want to go back. My husband thinks I am crazy for even asking. I had no idea it would be so hard on us!
Please tell me that you are doing better… I really hope it is just a matter of time healing the pain. I sure hope that your husband can start coming home sooner. I was trying to find local social groups for people who recently moved to this town. Have you looked into that? Maybe you could create one. I’m going to try to do that myself. Take care
Hi Jamie
Sorry so late on this but I am hanging in. Still hate it here. Crying way less but still pretty miserable. I keep trying to find positives though. I just still feel so out of place. I just started seeing a therapist though. I’ve only gone once. What do you do when you live somewhere where you don’t feel you belong there? Like your heart is somewhere else. It’s hard. I saw a bumper sticker the other day that said “if you hate where you live then move, you’re not a tree”. If it was only that easy…
Thank you for this article and everyone who shared their story, it made me like I am not alone. I moved to a new city after five years of studies and I suddenly realized nhow attached I was. “Hope in the things unseen.” <3
I was raised in Syracuse NY, moved in 2003 to Rome NY. Rome became my home and I felt very comfortable being in a smaller city and felt safe. I have recently moved from Rome back to Syracuse and have been having a very hard time adjusting. I want to go back to Rome so bad, very soon. We do have plans on moving back there but it seems like its taking forever and nobody there will help us. Im having alot of problems with depression from the move and its been 2 weeks. Some days I dont even want to go to work and just want to stay in bed. I find strength and go to work but then it just fills my mind all day that I miss Rome and dont want to be in Syracuse. I drive for my job and I miss turns, forget my route, sometimes even almost not stop as signs. Anyone have any ideas on how to cope with this or even how I can pass the time until I move back to the city thats my comfort zone???
Thank you to everyone for sharing your stories. I’m grateful to know I’m not alone in having extreme negative feelings about moving. My husband and I decided to move from Northern California back to the Midwest last month. We both grew up in the Midwest and thought it would be a good move for a number of reasons (better schools for our kids, more affordable real estate, closer to extended family). My husband either works from home or travels with his current position so we had the flexibility to move wherever we wanted. Now that we made the move I feel like we made a terrible mistake and am so sad. I’m surprised by the degree of misery I’m feeling as we had good reasons for moving. I miss my old life and feel like I will never be happy here. Every morning when I wake up I dread going through another day and long for my old life. Everything feels wrong and all day long I have moment after moment of feeling like I hate it here. I long for my old life, familiar places, friends and activities. Even going to the grocery store here makes me sad because I miss my old grocery store! I guess I’m just one of those people who is extremely change resistant by nature. The loss of familiarity and loss of routines has always been a challenge for me. We have moved 8 times. Some moves have been easy and others seem to hit me hard like this one. I’m hoping this extreme sadness will fade with time and I can find some joy in the time we are living here.
I could have written your post, word for word. I am in the exact same situation. We both are from the Midwest but lived in Northern California for the last 13 years. We just moved back here in July and I miss everything about my old life. Granted we are closer to our families but the day to day is so difficult. Hope somehow it gets better for both of us.
Same as you guys. Moved to midwest from Northern California and I miss everything so much. I hate it here, people are unfriendly, everything is grey, food choices are very limited, people are obsessed with football etc… I miss beautiful hiking, open minded and friendly happy people, delicious food… everything! I want to go back so bad, I wish it was just bad dream
I can’t believe reading your post how similar it is to how I feel. We moved to Iowa a couple of months ago and also thought it would be good. But I feel exactly what you wrote.
I’m glad that you explained how the rush of moving into a new place can wear off easily and can cause depression. My sister is looking to relocate to a faraway city for her job. She seems excited enough, but I know she’ll miss our time greatly. She has lived most of her life here so she’ll feel quite homesick for sure. I’ll be sure to share this article with her so she can cope better with relocation depression better.
I relocated from home with my brother to work at a new company 1200 km (750 miles) away. We are from South Africa and yes like the other people say something is missing. I miss home
Moved 2000km away from friends and a good job to be near family. Been here 18mths but can’t settle. Have a job but not as good as previously. Main issue is that family only live 2km away but have o ly visited twice for a few minutes. Hardly ever am I invited to family outings with them. I hoped I would be included more but they haven’t mu h time for me. Spend a lot of time wondering what to do. I have a son living in my previous town who used to help me a lot it now I feel guilty because I moved up where my daughter lives. Wish I could go ba K but afraid of making a other bad decision
I bought a brand new house in August of this year and it was very exciting for about two months and then I started to feel severely depressed when I knew that I should be happy I have no contact with family members I feel alienated from them and I am in this great big house all alone the first thought I had when I got the house was I have all of this and no one to share it with that really nailed it for me and the new neighbors are always inside and rarely come out unless to go some where and they don’t seem much like they want to make friends either they maybe going through something similar as I am I have bad dreams and I wake up tired and with negative after effects of the negative dreams I have gone to the shopping areas and to the parks and walked around my neighborhood often but the place just seem so empty to me the people are not friendly and stay inside so I am trying to figure out what I can do to make myself feel better.
I have read many stories tonight and now I feel part of a family with so many of you. We all share the common thread of did we make a mistake. We want to go back. Etc. Research your options, a realtor or counselor who is good at real estate can get you going on a newplan or manage the existing one better. I am praying for all of you. I came back to a community I loved 50 years ago.
I would wake up and have panic attacks, where am I? Just takes time to remember I am in different surroundings. It’s true…home is where the heart is. Find your heart and you’ll find home. Hang in there.
Three months ago, my husband and I relocated to a new country (he got a job opportunity abroad). In our home country, I am a qualified lawyer. Our new country does not recognize my law degrees, therefore I suddenly have to start all over. I have to re-qualify myself before I can practice law in this new country – this is making me really depressed. I miss my friends and family and everything familiar. I even miss the food back home. There is a 11-hour timezone difference between our new country and the people back home – this makes me even more home sick. I feel like I have given up everything that gave me joy, just to support my husband. I am really struggling to adapt – I even miss the weather back home. My mother-in-law keeps pushing me to accept the move, but some days I just feel as if the relocation was the biggest mistake of my life. Feeling really depressed and no one truly understands why. From lawyer to housewife – really bitter pill to swallow. I get a lot of anxiety and act like everything is okay – for my husband’s sake. I keep contemplating moving back home, however this relocation has given us a big financial knock. Stressed, depressed and home sick! Really hope I can snap out of this feeling. 🙁
I’m about ready to lose my mind, and it’s only been a week in the new place…we moved from central Kentucky to a rural town about an hour east of Indianapolis…only a 6 hour drive, but it feels light years away. Nobody talks to anyone here! We lived for four years in Louisiana, and 11 in Kentucky…I’m totally used to Southern hospitality and friendliness even to complete strangers, and I feel as though I’ve moved to Rude Central. You go to the Walmart or Kroger, smile and say, “Hey there!” to people as you pass by and they stop and stare as though you had two heads…not exaggerating. No one even makes eye contact when they walk by—even driving or maneuvering in a parking lot is hard– in the South, we just wait and let folks walk by, wave at them…holler out the window things like, “Not a problem, darlin”, and how ya’ll doing?” It’s a new town, I don’t know where I’m going yet, and I’ve been yelled at by drivers here, had horns honked at me, been tailgated…and while crossing the parking lot on foot in the Walmart, been screamed at by a motorist wanting me to walk faster, to get the he** out of the way!
I’ve cried every single day since moving here, sometimes several times a day…my husbands new job is here, at significantly more money and better working conditions, but I am ready to pack my things and move back home to Kentucky. He’s been here for two months on his own, in orientation and training, so he’s busy—but me, I’m MISERABLE.
We moved from a 4000 sq foot home we had just renovated, on two acres, to a small, 1800 sq foot patio home in what I swear is a neighborhood modeled after something out of the Stepford Wives…all anyone does here is pick leaves off their perfect little lawns, or water their perfect little flower beds…I’ve said hi to anyone I see walk by ( everyone gets their mail from the central delivery boxes that happen to be on my corner lot) and sometimes get a murmured “Hello” in return, or in several instances, a surprised look that I had spoken to them at all. The entire town is surrounded by corn fields (that aren’t growing, due to all the rain this summer), or has corn fields directly in the neighborhoods…its so ugly and flat in this beat up little town, I miss my two acres and the rolling hills of Kentucky and my nice big house–there’s no room for anything here! Nothing to do, ugly surroundings, unfriendly people…I just want to go home…but we’re mid 60’s now, it is a job we can’t afford NOT to take, and he says we have to realize this is home for now….but man oh man, I don’t know how I’m going to do it….all I do is cry, eat too many cookies, wander around, cry some more, take a drive, cry, eat more cookies, and when I’m not doing that, battling insomnia and crying all night because although I’m exhausted, I can’t sleep. ARRRGGHH!!!!
I’ve moved 4 times for work in 21 years. Every time I have moved, I’ve gone through a period of depression. That’s because I’ve missed the people and the familiar surroundings of my previous residence. I get through it reminding myself that I was just as depressed when I moved into my former home and came to love it there; so I am bound to grow fond of this place too. Hopefully, though, this will be my last move before I retire. Moving does take a lot out of a person, that’s for sure.
Thank you to everyone who commented. It makes me feel less alone. I moved 2 hours from where I grew up. I have a lot of friends there. I miss them terribly. I moved to my boyfriend’s state for various reasons. I have very little friends here. My boyfriend is still surrounded by all of his childhood friends and his family. It makes me miss my own. They are all nice, but it’s not the same as having your own group of friends. I feel more or less like his tag along instead of feeling like part of an actual group like I had. I don’t think he fully understands that. It makes me miserable that I can’t just call up one of my friends to meet for a movie or lunch, etc. Meanwhile, he sees his friends almost every day. I don’t mind the area. I just wish I could move all of my friends here. I highly doubt he would ever move for me. He doesn’t understand how lonely it is and how you go for months and months without someone looking at you like they really love and accept you into their lives. I feel like everything here is about him. I need to build a life here, but I don’t know how. It’s more difficult as you get older. I feel like people already have set friends and groups and really aren’t looking to include someone new. I’m STILL stuck in the depression. I have every single symptom listed in this article. I am still prone to depression, but I know hoe to snap myself out of it at home. I don’t have anything here that makes me feel that way. Good luck to everyone! I hope we can either move forward or go back home.
Nearly a year ago, my husband and I moved from near Burlington Vermont to northeastern Colorado. We lived in a beautiful home on 12 acres, for 20 years. Raised the kids there, I wanted to live there until I died. I never wanted to sell the house. My husband did. I finally agreed because trying to take care of a home from 1700 miles away was too stressful.
I’m so depressed here. I miss Vermont and it’s beauty and my friends and my life. Here, I don’t want to get out of bed, I don’t have energy for anything. I don’t care about anything, except for my 2 dogs. When I finally get up, it’s because of them.
We have been renting a house on a tiny lot while our new house was being built. We close on it tomorrow. I’m dreading it. Another tiny lot. This new house feels only like a new prison, forcing me to stay here. All the chores having to do with moving and settling in seem stupid. I don’t care about the house. To me it’s another place I have to bide my time until I can go home. Why invest more money and time into something that for me, is temporary.
My husband loves it here, his new job, the weather, everything. I’m glad for him. But I don’t. There’s no joy here for me. I just want to go home. I fantasize everyday about loading my pups in the car and driving back. Maybe I will.
Feeling same here, just thinking of the familiarity and other things. I think if one can envision the positive aspects of the future place maybe that can help. Also, if others had the chance to move would they or would they stay and change plans just for you. In life we have to keep going, bittersweet moments are all part of living.
I have moved 6 times so far and I am 56. I live in a beautiful neighborhood with trails and greenways with streams and I love all of this . I miss my family my mom is 4 and half hours away we talk and FaceTime this helps she is 78 years old and I am so amazed at all she does ! She lives in Tenn. I live North Carolina at first I hated the traffic and the people who made up the traffic just want you out of the way!I have been here about 2 years and have finally met some amazing people and have loved each greenway and trail just walking and talking to God amazing beautiful feeling. So here is the big issue , since moving here I feel so tired all the time and drained almost like I am allergic to something around I am so drained so tried it is terrible I hurt some days all over I-am seeing a doctor but I swear I am allergic to Living here as beautiful as my home and environment is! I feel terrible,,tried and overwhelmed . My husband has a job he is wonderful we have been together for 35years I am so thankful For all my God given blessings! I want to be at my best for a good healthy life ahead but everyday it seems Since I got to North Carolina I feel so drained .
It’s good to see I’m not alone. It’s been just over two years in my new city, and I hate it. I realize the pandemic has been going on for 9 months, but I really don’t think that has anything to do with what I’m feeling. I moved in November 2018. By September 2019, I just wanted to leave. I convinced myself not to. I’ve made friends. I’ve found hobbies. I live in a beautiful home. But I resoundingly hate living here. It makes me feel stuck, like something is missing from my life. I loved the job I had before I moved…I cried when I left. The new job, though, was my dream job. It was everything I was supposed to be…and I hate it, too. I can’t just go back because I moved states away, and my old job, while I loved it, was severely underpaying me and I was very overqualified. Now I’m just looking for something and somewhere I can get excited about.
It’s mid-2022, so I’m hoping you’re much better now. If not, have allergy testing done at a good allergy & asthma clinic. Test your home for mold, there are home tests like My Mold Detective. Praying you’re better, & if not, will be soon.
Hi I can’t tell you my name but I will tell you that I am in middle school and my family is moving to Dubai and I’ve just been feeling sad and that I have to throw all my achievements,friends,family and more all away.
Hi I’ve been offered a job back in a county i left 28 years ago, the job an people are cool, but I find it very emotional and hard to decide to go, because what I’m leaving behind, I keep saying yes to the job then I change my mind an end up getting very tearful, or if I go I’ll be pineing to come back. If I feel like this is this move not for me.
My Grandmother passed away in January this year. It was an awful loss. It suddenly prompted us to move from California to Tennessee to help with my Grandfather. It was the right thing to do and I needed to spend time with my Grandfather while he is still around, but I had a very strong connection where I was after living there for 8 years. It has been devastating. It felt like a part of my identity and it was where I felt I belonged and was discovering a lot of exciting things and had these wonderful friends and neighbors. I was working, but it would not be enough for me to move out of my parents house. It made me feel terrible about myself at 31. I felt like a little girl where it was all completely out of my control. I also feel guilty because I really love my Granddad and I don’t want him or the rest of the family to be hurt with me preferring to live somewhere else. I just don’t feel right out here in Tennessee. I’m scared of the impact it is having on my health and feel an intense sense of urgency to get back to California in time before a major earthquake hits there. It’s a horrible feeling. I feel lost and helpless. I’m like a broken bird. At the same time, I’m doing my best to hide my homesickness for California and make the most of this time here as much as possible – in the meantime doing things to help me be more successful where I can move back and thrive there. I feel isolated because nobody else around me can relate to what I’m going through. I don’t want to make my parents feel bad and I certainly don’t want my Grandfather to feel bad. I don’t want my mother to think I’m ungrateful and it just causes tension and upset in the household if I bring it up. It is exhausting. I don’t want to put that burden on my loved ones. Again, I’m doing my best. I’m not saying I’m hating it here or resent that I was forced to move here. It is just a real problem. I was already dealing with the enormous grief of losing my Grandmother. Before I knew it, I was unexpectedly hit by a secondary different kind of a grief. I have felt conflicted by the whole thing because I don’t want my loved ones thinking I don’t really care about them that much. I had a very deep connection where I lived before. It was profound. It was a magical experience that I want back so badly. I don’t feel like anyone has a clue about what I’m dealing with inside. It feels like a part of me died. I don’t expect anyone to lend me a helping hand, moving me back to CA, but I would appreciate hearing the words “I know just how you feel and what you are going through.” We have all been mourning Grandma and so there has also been no room for me to express this other pain I’ve personally been dealing with.
“It was a magical experience that I want back so badly.” I know exactly what you’re saying, Kylie. I’m from NW Georgia, but had moved to Salt Lake City, UT in 1990, 1.5 years after a divorce. I lived there for 17 years & LOVED it, had a great career in mid-level management of the insurance/investment division with a banking system that eventually merged with Wells Fargo.
I moved back here in 2007 (to Rome, where the job I got was located, 26 miles from my hometown), when I knew that my dad would never be able to make another trip out west. Those twice-yearly trips were the highlight of his & Mother’s lives. They would stay with me for 3-4 weeks, we’d go exploring in the Rockies, to Yellowstone, Tetons, Pacific NW, Montana, etc.
Moving back here was definitely a values decision, NOT a financial one. I took a $40k-$50k cut in pay. But after moving back here, a part of me died. It feels like this: Out there, there was always opportunity!! Here? None. And not job-wise opportunity…more like possibilities!! It’s like I lived all those years in a magical place, with the Rocky Mountains a 5 minute drive from my condo, light & fluffy snows that made it like a winter wonderland, nice cool-feeling summers due to the very arid climate…just a wonderful place to live, & easy to be active year round. Here, it’s so humid & hot that it’s oppressive. I stay in most of the summer, it’s just too hot. And Utah had, on average, 100 more sunny days than here — that’s over 3 months more sunshine!! Of course, now SLC has grown like crazy, maybe I wouldn’t even like it around there now, who knows. I only keep in touch with one or two friends from out there, & some were like family to me. And I can’t go back for visits, because I feel like it would HURT to be there, after having given up everything I had there, including a view of the snow-covered Wasatch Mtns from my condo.
So, now I feel like I gave up my magical, adventurous dream life — I’d wanted to live in the Rockies since I was young — to come back here & just live a pretty dull life till I die…I’m almost 67. Kind of like Isak Dinesen in Out of Africa, if you ever saw that (wonderful!) movie with Meryl Streep & Robert Redford. She lived this magical, adventurous life in Africa, only to end up back in Denmark after going broke.
I can’t say that I haven’t enjoyed living in Rome, & I did enjoy my job at the bank branch. Loved my coworkers & customers. I’m now enjoying not having to go to work, & I see my former customers out & about pretty frequently, which is nice.
However, my mother passed in Oct. last year, & I’m trying to decide whether to move into her home, where we grew up, 26 miles NW of here. It’s a smaller town, & I’m used to having conveniences like Lowe’s, WalMart, etc., within a mile or two. (Nothing like what I had nearby in Utah, but I’ve grown used to having less, & yet some, conveniences.)
Mother’s place has a nice workshop that was my dad’s pride & joy. I don’t have that here. Her home is 1600 sf, mine is around 1200. She has 5 acres, some wooded, some field, I have .62 acre. Her house is dated, but doesn’t need work, just maybe carpet replaced since it’s 45 years old, & I’d want a screened porch built. My house needs a lot of work, including rebuilding the (small) bathroom. Her home has quite a few windows, but mine has LOTS of windows & is very light. Her yard/land has great places for a garden, my yard needs grading work done to reroute water flow…the water table is very high here (used to be a swamp, before they built the S/D in the early 50s when the GE plant opened), so not many places for a garden IF I needed one due to food shortages. I like my neighbors, & chat quite a bit with some of them…and even if not, I enjoy waving to them. Although our yards are large, we’re still pretty close together, her place only has 4 more homes on the street, with only 2 close…one across from her, & one down from that house, & they keep to themselves. And honestly, I’ve grown used to sitting on my screened porch at night & watching traffic go by on the boulevard, down 4 houses from my home. And watching the lights in the “big lake” across the blvd, one of several lakes around this large S/D, with a 1.25 mile walking track around it. At Mother’s I would sit on the carport or screened porch that I’d build, & watch the woods. Maybe watch deer emerge from them, there are lots around & they come into the backyard all the time…but I’d be watching nature, for the most part. No people, no vehicles. Which used to be my personality. I’ve grown accustomed to living around people, I guess, having done it since 1990. (Prior to that, my former husband & I lived in the country.)
All-in-all, her place would be a better place for me, & yet I just can’t seem to make the decision to move there. Mostly for fear that I’ll regret it.
It is such a tough decision, to uproot from what you’ve known & been comfortable with, not knowing if you’ll regret it. And the deadline is now, so I have to decide.
Thanks for the article and it very helpful to understand what I’m going through.
I had the opportunity to live in different cities and countries.. but this last move has affected me so much.. I don’t understand if it’s because I’m now in my 40s but I haven’t stopped crying since moving. Even though I am pretty sure about the change in job, since there was a lack of professional growth.. the change of a smaller city to a bigger one in the US has been overwhelming.. I just moved here and I’ll try to follow your tips to try to overcome it.
I just moved into Senior Housing and having hard time adjusting. I do lot of crying anxiety when I have to cook or clean. Don’t feel like I am at home.
March 2021, My husband, two kids and I moved from Northern California, to Northern Mississippi. My husband is doing very well in his new position and my kids love the new school. I have gone through 7 job offers, 6 jobs, and I have quit them all. I never want to leave the house, I consider returning to college in my 40’s, I am about to start a new job which is a commute from my location for about 60% less of a wage I used to make in California. I can’t seem to snap out of it or find my happy, or even remember why I was excited to move here. I just received my first paycheck from my 7th job, working only 55 hours total, and I broke down crying. I no longer want to live here and I consider leaving. Not sure if I would want to return to California, but I don’ t like where I am at.
I moved into Senior Housing and having a hard time living here. I get anxiety when I have to cook or clean. I have anxiety all day and take meds. Does anyone else have this issue.
Bless your heart. Is there any type of activity there that you could join in, to meet others & just get out of the home? If not, how about a senior center around town? I’ve known a couple of women who didn’t want to attend the senior center, then when they did, they loved it & were like teenagers again!
My husband was diagnosed with Parkinsons in early 2020. We lived in beautiful sunny SWFL. We grew up in NJ/NY so knew about cold but after living in SWFL for 7 years I forgot how bad it was and how nice being able to walk everyday was! Parkinsons made me totally worried about the future and our family Dr suggested we move near family- our only family lives outside Indianapolis. Tried to get our son to move towards us and he refused. Sold our home very quickly could have done better if we had waited. Moved to Indiana and I hate it here! Right now we had a snow storm storm before that the cold was so bad that I did not leave home for a week. Not the ice and snow are freaking me out. Cannot step outside my front door without falling on ice! HELP! I really want to go back to Florida. But if my husband becomes worse as Parkinsons is progressive and worse I fear being alone. Due to Covid we have not seen the family for weeks- miss our grandsons. Hate sitting in this too big for us house all alone day after day. Going to a Dr this week for an anti depressant as I cannot take this any longer. I feel like crying every day! We have money to live anywhere- and this is NOT where I want to be. I am sorry for all of the depression of the above posters but happy that I am not alone as I often think I am losing my mind.
I’m so sorry for the diagnosis of your husband. Yes, the Indiana wet-cold-snows would be hard to take after Florida! If you have money to live anywhere, why not to a retirement community that has healthcare as well?
There’s a newer community here called The Spires (at Berry College). They have a memory care center, not sure about other types of healthcare, but they do have assisted living, I believe, for when his health might deteriorate. It’s in Rome, GA, if you want to check it out. I’ve met several families who live there, & have moved from several states away to be there!
It’s situated on part of Berry College’s campus, which is almost 30,000 acres, & right on Eagle Lake. It’s a beautiful gated community. I did a house inspection for a dog rescue, recently, & got to visit one of the apartments (they also have cottages). It was lovely! They have the dining rooms, a dog park, etc. Might be worth checking out.
Rome is known for the medical community, as well.
Climate-wise, we typically don’t have severe weather, & you’re used to the humidity of Florida, so it might feel fine to you. The humidity is tough for me, as I’d lived in Utah for 17 years prior to moving back here. I miss the arid climate & dry, fluffy snows.
Anyway, you might want to check it out!
I’m in a complete state of depression over buying a house in northern Connecticut. We have lived in NJ for 42 years and I love it here but about 5 years ago we started talking about moving back to New England where we were both originally from. We looked at some houses, didn’t find anything, and then Covid struck and we stopped looking. Fast forward to 2022 — we hooked up with a realtor and saw more houses. This was back in February when houses were literally flying off the shelves so to speak and you had to act fast. We saw one that, as the realtor put it, “checked all the boxes”. I didn’t feel right about it from the getgo but I signed the contract anyway. Our offer was accepted (we totally overpaid). I realized what a mistake that house was (it had some real dealbreakers) and I tried and tried to get my husband to back out of the contract but he refused. I wasn’t going to sign at the closing but I did and now we own it. I’m so miserable thinking about moving there. I don’t like the house, I don’t like the location, all I do is fight with my husband about it. He doesn’t want to hear anything I have to say about it. My choices are to move there with him or stay here in NJ alone. I have a lot of physical and cultural activities here and the health care is excellent here but he will be there and I will miss him. If, however, I move there to be with him I will be miserable moving to a place I hate. It doesn’t have all the wonderful cultural activities I’m accustomed to, the health care is not nearly as good and convenient as here, and the closest Y is 12 miles away and doesn’t offer the classes I’m interested in. I’m up against a rock and a hard place. I feel alone no matter what I do. My depression so overwhelming.
Hi Josh your post helped me thank you this move is making me sick both mentally and physically I’ve been criticized for being weak and not adjusting and I’m not adjusting!!I’m trying to find outside help
I moved in with my partner almost a year ago. I doubled my commute time to my job and moved into a much smaller town. We both work in the same town but he has no issues with longer commute times, as I do. The decision for me to move in with him boiled down to finances. He had been living at his place for 3 years (prior to us dating) and his rent was cheaper than what we could find where I was living. I had originally communicated to him that I wanted us to move and find a space that suited both of us better, within 6 months. That time has come and gone. Not due to me not trying. But due to how expensive it is to live closer to the city. I originally attributed how I was feeling about the move to the fact that he had lived in that space in the past with his ex and now I’m in that space. I am 100% more motivated to get us to move than he is. Besides having sucky roommates where I use to live, I quite enjoyed where I was. I didn’t even know relocation depression was a thing before reading this article and all of the comments. Up until now I’ve been able to day dream and fantasize about us moving that the space we are in now is only but temporary and that had gotten me through. I’ve slumped into a depression over the last several months and I think it’s because the realization and feasibility of us actually moving, inches farther and farther from my grasp.
These posts making me feel a lot better. Thanks all for sharing and I hope you’re all doing better.
I’m in a completely different situation.
I bought a house while living with my parents a few months ago. I’ve slowly furnished it over the last couple months and have been really excited to move in. I have a great job, work 45 hours a week and go to the gym 5 days a week. Also amazing family and
mates. Last weekend I stayed at my new house. The feelings I felt were loneliness, an emptiness feeling, extremely tired, no desire to do anything(I missed the gym for a week), the house doesn’t feel like a home. I’ve been crying for days and feels like it would be easier if I wasn’t here. I have never had such thoughts or feelings like this. It’s literally come on so suddenly.
I’m so glad I found this article. I’m in the same boat as many commenting here. My husband passed away three years ago and I still had my children, 14, 16 and 21. Last January my oldest bought a home of her own and moved about an hour away. It was another “loss” after losing my husband that I didn’t expect to affect me the way it did. I panicked. My husband and I had built our home 25 years ago and raised our kids there. It was a beautiful home in a beautiful community. But I panicked and thought I needed to be closer to my older daughter. The younger two were in college and high school still. The house turned out to be a disaster and I was miserable because I realized I had made an awful mistake leaving my home but now I had a house with undisclosed issues that were going to cost a lot of money and aggravation. I had even approached the new owners of my house to see if they would sell it back. They said no. As crazy as it sounds, I decided to sell the house rather than deal with the repairs after only four months. I viewed this more as a necessity to get out of there because of the issues. Fortunately, the city I bought in is in high demand and I sold it in three days and made a profit. I bought a condo also in the same area. It is definitely better than the second house, but it’s still not my original HOME. It has been 7 months since I sold my family home and I still can’t get over this regret and depression of leaving my home and my community. My daughters say that the move just triggered the grief for my husband. I’m sure that’s part of it, part they’re too young to understand the connection to the home and community I’ve been in therapy but it hasn’t been helping. I have cried almost every single day. I frequently drive back to the neighborhood just to be close. Even as I get off the exit and drive through the city I instantly feel at home. I’m starting to wonder if instead of buying this condo if I should have at least moved back to my community where the streets are familiar, the stores and restaurants are familiar, the church is familiar and there are still friends and relatives nearby. I feel crazy for thinking I should move again, but what if that is really the answer to help me feel myself again?
At the age of 73 I left California and moved 2550 miles away to Tennessee where my wifes children live. I feel totally left out and my kids are thousands of miles away. Tennessee is a great place but will never be my home. Depression is real and I have a double dose. I have made a few friends but its just not the same. The old song “you cant make old friends” is so true.
*At MyMovingReviews we will connect you with a professional moving company. Please note that we may not be affiliated with
and you may be speaking with another licensed provider.
Best movers nearby
We use cookies to optimise your experience.Accept and close or Learn more
What about when the move was only across town yet the symptoms are still pervasive?
I just moved across town (20 minutes away) and feel the same. It hit me the day after the move, a tired, empty feeling. Trying to get out of the house is a chore! I’m hopeful it’s just a temporary post-move depression. And I’m glad I’m not the only one who feels like this. In a couple weeks or so we’ll probably all feel a lot better.
I moved about 18 times or more in 4 years, and my locatiom is gonna be 20 min away too! I hope you all can adjust to youre new home too, it takes a few days but try watching a movie that makes you happy- that always works- do you agree?
During the whole process of selling my house l was having panic attacks and the feeling l was doing the wrong thing. I just kept trying to stay positive but l just kept crying and was feeling overwhelmed by my feelings.
I hated people look around my house and felt that the estate agents weren’t really on my side at all l felt so depressed.
I have been having lots of regrets on moving and it’s been 5 months now.
It doesn’t seem to be getting better
I feel the same way. I hated people walking in my house and wish I never sold it. I loved my house just not the neighbors or town anymore. I also sold quicker than planned to escape my boring life. Now I’m even more depressed and still bored and regretting selling my perfect home. I am so sad and embarrassed as I turning 56 next month and have nothing to show for it. Living in an Airbnb temporarily until I figure out my next move.
I can relate. I am preparing to move to a new home in the area where I grew up at, but I’ve been in my current home for 5 years. The move is coming up in about a month and I already feel depressed about it. Hoping I can fight his feeling and focus on the positive aspects of it. Glad to know I’m not alone. It’s only 30 minutes from where I live now.
I just felt sick all the time. Feel that the estate agents were really working for their own benefits and not me. The solicitors were rubbish. The couple buying my house were a bit mischievous and deceitful.
I have had lots of counselling even now after 5 months.
It’s been a week since the move, I’ve never been this depressed and can’t understand why. This should be exciting, bigger house, closer to the kids school, yet I feel empty and just want to sleep. I dread unpacking another box, but “I have to”, but don’t want to. I am on anti-depressants and have been for a while, yet now it’s hit me hard…
Hi I no how you feel . We moved in January and I hate it so much here . I got myself a job people are ok but just don’t have the same since of huma . My son hates it to my daughter just finished uni so got a job in London but hates leaving me . My husband works way some times for about 2 to 4 weeks . Yes it’s nice to have a lovely house but I need to be happy and now I don’t no where is home any more . I do have my mum and dad up the road but they are all ways asking questions does my head in . My husband means we’ll just won’t the best ans a better life .
Hi
My name is George. I feel the same way despite the fact that I moved to a bigger house 4 days ago. It is approximately 800 meters away from the place I used to live my entire life. Unlike myself, It seems my family members do not have any relocation depression syndromes. As to me I feel very depressed. It feels like I have lost everything I had in my life. I have had only 10 hours of sleep during these 4 days, I lost an appetite and any desire to do anything at all. Confused all the time. I can not find my place here, seems like I am a guest at a hotel, total stranger. Total emptiness in my soul. I do not know what to do or what to expect in future.
George, everything you said is my complete fears of moving and I haven’t even moved yet. The house is for sale and we have a house picked out, but I am scared to death that I will feel like I will be living in a vacation home or hotel (exactly as you said, I keep thinking). You exactly expressed my every fear. I know this is an old post, as your date is from 2016 and I am writing this in 2019, but I am hoping this message still finds you. How long did it take you to get rid of the depression and move on? I was hyperventilating reading your post and hyperventilating responding. Your post, of all, expressed my very being, especially the total emptiness in your soul.
In two weeks, it will be six years that we are in SW Florida. Our lifelong dream to move here when husband retired. I am 900 miles from Kentucky where I lived 41 years. Husband loves Florida. We are so poor since he has retired, he has had to take a part time job. We sold his 26 year old car and just have my 18 year old SUV. We have credit card debt. In those 6 years, we have moved 3 times in Florida, continuing to downsize. Pretty soon we will be living in a cardboard box. I miss our children, my family, and friends. I am so depressed. It is so lonely, boring, hot and humid here. Cost of living more. Terrible drivers, snowbirds 6 months out of the year, terrible medical care, terrified of hurricanes. With all the stress I now have hypothyroidism and fibromyalgia and can’t work, but don’t qualify for any assistance. If I didn’t have a dog that loved me so much, I’d just swallow a bunch of pills…
To Linda: I probably live close to you. I so understand, however, i am getting to make friends here. I just wish my daughter did not speak as she did to me recently, making me feel we deserted our family and I do not see it that way. My husband is very happy here, he deserves it, so do i and we have to stop feeling guilty. Did everything EVERYTHING to give our kids a great life. I am sorry though for your financial issues that has got to be very very difficult. I am new to this blog and did post a comment i believe it was May 19th if you can find it, Susan
I just read your post and I can relate. I’ve moved so many times out of state and in-state for the past 15 years. I’m depressed. The only way I get out of the depression is that I get in my car and just drive. The depression is still there when I get home but not as bad. The key is to look forward to anything. Create anything you can look forward to.
I moved 10 times in one year. Hard to get attached to any house that short of a stay.
The big deal breaker was moving back to a mountain town that was always home to me since a child
It was the best of times and the worst of times. I wanted no past experiences to rain on this move as I re entered my beloved man town. But you can’t erase your history so if the draw to go back hurts terribly right now, give it a chance. Go camp outside your old house and remember the reasons you wanted to leave. You are very close to revisiting that house because its so close to you. That’s a plus. Soon er or later you will tire of revisiting the old house. Relish the new one. Be kind to yourself. Give yourself time. If you have tried everything and that old house was the love of your life, consider making an offer to buy it back. Anything is possible and the sticker price shock of buying it back might bump you forward to accepting, the new house ain’t all that bad.
Just know that you are not alone. I’m moving in the next couple of weeks and I’m already have anxiety attacks even though it’s only 20 minutes away. This is my 3rd move in less than 2 years and it gets a little easier each time but I still go through a mourning process or something like that. I, too, am on antidepressants but I just need to know that I react strongly to any type of change. It’s just in my DNA and/or mindset. I need to think more positively. That’s my biggest problem. Take care of yourself and you will be better soon. Every day makes a difference.
I can relate to the moving depression. I have huge regret of the place I just moved to and it’s 2 hours away from where i was. It’s a small town and depressing and I don’t even want to settle in now. I needed a place to live and took it sight unseen as it was a new construction affordable rental. I want to move again but don’t have another place to go. I’m having a hard time aligning with this place and stuck in a 1 year lease. I just spent money to move and feel trapped. Any suggestions?
I too moved South as my husband no longer wanted to live in cold climate. I loved it here since arriving 9 months ago, but now I am finding I miss my children/grandchildren terribly. I do not have my routine anymore of visiting them, I feel lost and bored. I always though as my husband said “so you fly back home” but it is not that easy to do. my children live far apart so i have to make long car rides to see them at their separate homes. I have a great husband and he has earned this, has supported us for many years, but I feel so sad at times. I understand feeling trapped. And I am in a beautiful place! I keep busy….does not matter I feel like I have deserted my family…….they say it is ok but I truly dont know as sometimes I am needed and cant hop on a plane every time i want to be part of something! comments welcome, please!
Yes my dear. I have been and am in the place you are. I moved back to a mountainTown where I met my husband, had great jobs and then a divorce that eventually made it too hard to live close to him and his third wife. Always something there to remind me. I was not ready to live in a house that wasn’t ours anymore and att we most to get it back were futile. God was telling me something. Move on but that took years and more moves to manage that.
Since you can’t relocate right away, try enlisting newer people to show you why this house has all the makings of great growth.
The door may very well open again. Wait. Timing is everything. Patience is concentrated strength I’m told and it is true.
I’m curious why you’ve moved three times in two years? Could you not find a place that you wanted to stay in?
Thanks so much for this! The move was two years ago (not my choice) and I’m still VERY sad about it.
I have struggled with depression for 20 years now and when the house was sold in 2014, I was devastated.
I miss it so much. To make matters worse, I found out that the new owners have already put it up for sale and I have no money to buy it back.
I REALLY wish I could.
I moved across the United states with my abuser/husband to start and brand new life and escape my abusive siblings. Now i feel so stuck and lost and beginning to feel so helpless. I pray I journal I am job searching but i just keep getting more and more buried in stress and problems. I don’t have money or driving skills to drive me and my two toddlers back to California and everybody will know I failed at a new life. Common sense says to leave all the abusiveness behind but the last time i left my husband I become more lost then I was being with him and tolerating him. My coping skills weren’t strong enough and my life hit a crisis. Back in California I had all the connections to resources I was in counseling involved in a church I had family and help with finding a job. My life was starting to get better. But with my new move I’m with scraps now. I don’t portray myself as a victim. I wear a big happy smile I laugh a lot I am hopeful and I encourage those around me. It can be extremely exhausting. I don’t know how much longer I can do it. I could never share this with people i know because they will either feel sad get mad or wont believe me which is why I am venting to a whole bunch of strangers on the internet. ITS SAD but its the only thing I feel I can do for relief. Please pray me, I need help!
In 2015 I started a study-abroad program in the country of my dreams where I would finally be able to be myself and live a better life. Nine months ago, my program ended and I had to come back to where I was born, a country I loathe, a country where I don’t belong, a country where I don’t feel any pride in saying its name.
I’ve been crying for nine months and I don’t see myself getting out of this cycle. I miss my friends, my experiences, my freedom, my life in my dream country. I miss how amazing I felt. I drown myself in my memories and my pictures with the hopes of, one day, the sooner the better, going back again.
But until then, I feel dead. I feel empty. I hate how unfocused on my studies I am right now. I hate how sad I am right now, but sadness is the only thing I have. I can’t even bring myself to fully unload my pain on anyone by now because it’s been 9 months and everyone, I assume, is more than tired of listening to me yammering about a pain that no one can relate to.
I just feel like absolute death.
I have just moved 6 hrs drive away from our old home and am feeling so depressed. We have left family behind also. The move was because of financial reasons after retirement. I have no motivation when i wake up & have slept so much its rediculous. I wake around 3-4am every am & go back to sleep midmorning only to feel worse. I wish i could find an answer as I feel like there is nothing left to live for anymore
Why don’t you go back to your dream country? Life is too short to feel like death…
I am myself left just a short ago a city that i have been living in for almost 4 years for uni… Now I back to my hometown and feel like shit. I miss my uni town but don’t have the money right now to pay for it. It all happend so fast… Really wish I could feel good again… I kind of hate my hometown. People are so boringgg, everyone here are the same. Everyone is religous, looks the same, talks the same. My uni town was free. liberal. cool. Now I feel like shit.
I feel depress about moving about 8 miles away it is unknown
Hi I have this and cannot shake it off, we have moved 200 miles from my birth place to be in the countryside where my partner grew up, he has his group of 5 friends or so and they are all close, their wives have generally not been the warmest so I’m reluctant to interact. I have a large group of girlfriends back home and I loved my job which also gave me a social avenue and someone to talk to too. Now my partner ironically have gone back home 5 day a week to his old job because he missed it,,, lol I’m very cross at this as I feel I have been dumped in the country side. I have little money as the job i do , which i have to say i got sorted 2 days after moving is very unsociable and although I meet 30-40 people a day i see them for 5 mins. It’s not a team effort far from it and miss that terribly. My anxiety is through the roof and struggle to even go out the front door sometimes, I cry a lot and feel like everything I worked so so hard at is gone and now I’m billy no mates, no partner around and hate my job. Not quite how it was sold to me but I got the mortgage.. I need to sort something out but am struggling as to where to start..
Do you also maybe feel like you have made a sacrifice and your partner doesn’t really understand the extent of it, and you feel like he “didnt have to do much” and takes it for granted? Cause that would make it all worse. I have moved from Russia to United States for someone, leaving all my friends, my family, all the places I grew up around, for someone, and that someone took it for granted, in fact he wouldnt agree to relocate to a nearby city in U.S. because “he wanted to be close to his family.” That felt awful how unfair things were. He needs to give you credit for what you have done. As to relocation depression, I cannot give you advise as I need it myself. It has been 8 years after I moved now and I still struggle and mourn my old life.
Hi I have moved across the country to start a new life. My partner and his two children live there, so im not only moving im also becoming a parent. Its been about ten days and I’m struggling hard. Keeping quiet just working on my laptop. This article has helped but its not easy to meet new people when you’re older. I have started going to regular yoga classes hoping I might meet some people. Any other suggestions to get out of this funk would be great. Thanks SP
I moved across the world to be an au pair just a few weeks ago. My depression is hitting me hard. I don’t yet know if I will be able to complete the full year since I know I have the option of going back. On the other hand, even if I go back early, I will have to begin my studies in a new city anyway. I feel like I am never going to go home again.
I am in the process of relocating to Coeur d’Alene, Idaho with my husband and have never felt so miserable in my life. 20 years ago we moved from California where we are from originally to relocate to Washington state where we raised our children and set our roots. Due to the financial tax burdens in our state the cost of living became much more difficult in recent years and with our last child having graduated from high school in 2016, my husband made the decision to sell and move. I have begged and pleaded to find a higher paying job to stay in our home but to no avail. I am harboring anger and resentment toward my husband mostly because my kids have made the decision to not come with us understandably so but not at the expense of my grief. It’s only a five hour drive but its five hours too far from my kids. I am so proud of their independence. My 23 year old works for Google, my 21 year old is a server and full time student at University of Washington, but its my baby, my 20 year old that is in his second year at a junior college and also a server that has chosen to move in with his best friend of 20 years and his mom. I am grateful that he has this option but I’d rather he live with his own mom! I’m devastated and all I do is cry—I’m so tired of feeling so miserable, and my husband says, “every day is what you make of it” but I just want to tell him to F off since it’s HIS decision that we make this God awful move that HE thinks will be better for the family in the long run. No one ever told you that “the hardest thing about motherhood is your children growing up” We are set to move August 21st, and each day that gets closer makes me more and more miserable and anxious. I understand how all of you are feeling!!! Virtual hugs to all of you.
Omg, I am so sorry to read your sad story. I see it was a year ago and was wondering how things have gone for you? Did you move to idaho? How are things? Please update!
My goodness I am crying reading these posts. I thought I was the only one who felt like this. I cry every damn day and it’s been a year. We have been through hell as well – first place we moved to in this area did not work out for many reasons – but since we’re in a beautiful place my husband wanted to give it a go from another location more suitable but in the same geographic area. And it made sense, why give up until you give it a fair try. Yet I’m sick inside. I can’t even enjoy it here and we’re in a beautiful place. I just want my kiddo and family back! Even after conversations that we’d have “meaningful” and “purposeful” visits with the kiddo, I feel so lost b/c I can’t get there easily. Stupid airlines cancelled the daily direct flight that was part of the impetus for moving to this location. Now travelling back and forth is a schlep instead of a direct flight. And he moved in with his girlfriend’s family and I feel like I’m missing out – although even if I hadn’t moved I’m sure they wouldn’t have moved in with us b/c of our previous house setup. But still – I would see them more often. And I feel like I’m never going to get back that time – FOMO. I completely underestimated the strength and power of love and relationships. Maybe I should start an online support group for people in this situation.
Sad to read that so many people are feeling so blue after their move. I feel really unsure of everything having moved to a new city and a new job. I already know loads of people here, so it should be easy. But I miss my old life. I’m going to try like the article says and mourn it. They were good times but it was time for new times. Good luck feeling better everyone! I recommend joining a choir, getting plenty of exercise and wearing an eye mask to promote good sleep.
As a single person living near my daughter, I rented for almost 10 yrs. I bought a nice little place with some land about 30 minutes away.
finally got moved in but am still living with boxes everywhere. I feel like I’m just going thru the motions of getting up, driving a different route to work, get thru the day and then go home. I wonder if I did the right thing, then remind myself that I’m paying less than what I did when renting a place that wasn’t being kept up by the owners. I’m trying to find the joy of ownership and know I will but I just need to keep reminding myself that it will be OK.
It will be ok. More than ok.
Change is hard. Moving is right up there with the 5 biggest stressor in life. You will like ownership. You call the shots. Slum lords are awful and really beat you down. Try taking a room at a time and paint it. Experiment. Get a pet if you like think boxes should be the new furniture. Have someone over you enjoy and doodle potential designs. Land is marvelous. Give yourself time. You can do this but I do empathize the uncertainty. It will pass if you grow with the change.
we moved 1 1/2 hours from where i grew up it was my husbands dream to sell a farm in a very high priced area and buy another farm where land is much cheaper as our retirement i so miss the lovely farm land and wide open spaces we now live where there is a lot of scrub land and run down farms the farmers here are very unfriendly as they do not like new people moving in and putting up new buildings and clearing land there are numerous other new families here but all mennonites and keep to them selves i was so out going and knew everyone here i have made an effort to go to the neighbours they come on the porch to talk but would never invite you in there home at christmas we invited 3 families in for drinks and food no one showed im having a really depressing time with this and so want my old life but know this can never happen all i can think of is i will never be happy in my life again
we moved but didnt really need to. I instigated the move.. we still hve our small terrace up north. I moved my child in line with 2ndry school deadlines. My partner is still working up north. My child preferred staying put but went with it. Hes now settled and I dont feel the small city is for me. Its also going to mean taking out a mortgage to buy somwehere.. to live. currently renting. Id rather be elsewhere if im honest.. feels up in the air. I think leeds would have been 70 miles nearer.. to our old town. and still in yorkshire. where i have connections. Not finding Derby quite what i thought it would be.. Should we move back.. and what about 2ndry schools. here he is in line for one of the best. I do luv diversity hwoever.. but im missing the close knit community and friends i made through.. connecting with various local charities.
My name is Amber. I am 15. I just moved not even a full year ago and my mom is already trying to move again and it hurts. The first time I lost my friends being in my presence every day, my church, my social activities… It is all gone. Now we’re moving again AS SOON AS I MAKE A FRIEND. As soon as I am starting to cope with my new life here we are starting over again. I find myself sleeping just to avoid the days. I don’t eat as much; maybe a snack every day. No one can do anything about it and she can’t just find a house in this same city and I’m tired of it all.
I moved 1,100 miles from home to North Carolina. I have been gone for 4 months now & am still very depressed. I started a new job & relocated at the same time. This has been very hard on me. My family is with me now, but I miss the familiarity & comfort of home. How long does it usually take to get over my anxiety/depression? I am stuck in a 2 year relocation agreement. Any advice would be appreciated.
I’m grateful for this article and especially to those who’d taken the time to share their experience. I’d lived in a wonderful 4 bed/2.5 bath single family home with my life partner for many years. One day he took his life and, not only could I not afford nor maintain a house this size by myself, the owners decided to sell it. A friend of a friend had a 1 bed/1 bath cottage available to rent and I’d moved in with our last dog. My whole life was turned upside down, my commute to work doubled, and I hated it there. After losing Belle in December and the landlord having become enraged and screamed at me when I said I was lonely and was thinking about another dog and he refused to allow it, I’d finally found a nice condo that’s in a great location, modern, and actually has a garage, a doorbell, a garbage disposal! The owner needed to paint and replace the nasty carpeting with laminate and they’d terribly misjudged how long this would take while pushing me to move in ASAP. So fool that I am, I’d moved in a few days ago and the place is a construction zone as the floor isn’t done and the place not move-in ready. I can’t unpack yet as a sawdust is everywhere and their contractor will have to be working in here around my stuff while I’m at work. I’m praying it’ll be completed by the upcoming holiday weekend, but I can’t stop crying as I’m so disappointed, this isn’t how I’d envisioned this move, I struggle with depression to begin with and this move hasn’t helped and I can’t stop crying. I thought I’d be so happy leaving some of my horrible memories behind to start afresh, but I’m hating myself for not waiting until June 1 to move in when the work would have been done. I still have hope that everything will be OK, but on this Sunday night I’m drowning in depression. Sorry this is so long; thank you for reading. Hugs to all struggling with making such a major change in their life.
This article was nice to read. Knowing others are experiencing similar feelings as mine makes me feel like I found my people. I am sure I have relocation depression and the sad part is I relocated here 20 months ago. We relocated for my husband’s job. I’m a stay at home with five children. I really felt that once we were here in our new lives, I would embrace it. I tried. I am MISERABLE. We moved from New York to New England. We never did live near any family. We’re on the East Coast. My family is all on the West Coast and my husband’s family lives in Europe. Its not family I miss. It’s everything else. Our old house, all of our friends, our old lives, Central Park, the metro north and even the E train. I NEVER thought I’d miss that E train but I do! I really thought by now I’d feel much better about things but I don’t. I’d love to move back but my husband’s work is here. I know his work schedule here adds to my frustration. I hate it! In NY he worked from 8am to 5pm and was home every night around 6pm. He had hours with the kids before they went to bed. We’d go a lot of places as a family. Before I moved here he told me he had the option of going in earlier and working from 6am until 3pm or going in after rush hour and working from 10am to 7pm. He opted for the earlier schedule. Then one month after we arrived here it became apparent that he needed to align his work with his colleagues and they are all working a later schedule so he started leaving at 8:30am and arriving home around 7:45pm. Then the work load increased so now he leaves the house at 6:30am and does not get home until between 9-10pm. Some days he’s here around 8 -8:30 but usually not. Once a week due to having to prepare slides, he’s not even home until 11pm. Then he just eats and goes to bed. 100% of maintaining the house and the kids is on me. I am starting to resent him for this. I have become a married single parent. The other night I was screaming at him “YOU DUPED US INTO MOVING HERE THEN ABANDONED US!!!”. He was obviously very upset and just kept saying “I need to keep my position going well for the security and to provide a good life for you and the kids”. I want him here more but I don’t see that happening so I’m sad. I’d rather live in a lower cost of living area where my kids can see their dad more than this hellish situation I’m in. I cry all the time. I went from having a husband home by 6pm to rarely seeing him. Occasionally days go by where my youngest children dont see him as he leaves before they wake up and comes home after they’re sleeping. Some days I dont see him either because I’m exhausted all the time. I am MISERABLE. I hate it here and I feel so stuck. I know I need to reach out to a therapist because I want to be happy again and I need a fresh perspective. I put on a happy face for my kids but at the end of the day I am just so sad. It doesn’t help that some of my children have special needs so I’ve had to start all over with doctors, specialists, therapists and schools. It’s just really hard on me. I am surrounded by my children but I feel soooo alone. I do love my husband but there is no way we can be happily ever after with me feeling the way I’m feeling. I just want to feel better and I feel as miserable now as I did a year ago with no end in sight. Sorry some of you are walking down the same path. 🙁
Oh man! I am so sorry that you are going through this! We moved from California to Arizona at he end of June. My 11 year-old daughter is having a really hard time. she keeps having debilitating foot pain that is unexplainable. I think it may be depression. I was doing ok with the move until a week ago and now I can’t stop crying all the time. We left our family and the school the girls grew up in. I had no idea it would be so hard! my husband has been flying here on the weekends but still works in California during the week. I feel so alone. The doctors have scared me into thinking my daughter has an autoimmune disease. We had several appointments last week with no answers. I am here all alone without my husband and family and now have a child in a wheelchair who cries she can’t walk. The move was partially my idea but now I just want to go back. My husband thinks I am crazy for even asking. I had no idea it would be so hard on us!
Please tell me that you are doing better… I really hope it is just a matter of time healing the pain. I sure hope that your husband can start coming home sooner. I was trying to find local social groups for people who recently moved to this town. Have you looked into that? Maybe you could create one. I’m going to try to do that myself. Take care
Hi Jamie
Sorry so late on this but I am hanging in. Still hate it here. Crying way less but still pretty miserable. I keep trying to find positives though. I just still feel so out of place. I just started seeing a therapist though. I’ve only gone once. What do you do when you live somewhere where you don’t feel you belong there? Like your heart is somewhere else. It’s hard. I saw a bumper sticker the other day that said “if you hate where you live then move, you’re not a tree”. If it was only that easy…
Thank you for this article and everyone who shared their story, it made me like I am not alone. I moved to a new city after five years of studies and I suddenly realized nhow attached I was. “Hope in the things unseen.” <3
I was raised in Syracuse NY, moved in 2003 to Rome NY. Rome became my home and I felt very comfortable being in a smaller city and felt safe. I have recently moved from Rome back to Syracuse and have been having a very hard time adjusting. I want to go back to Rome so bad, very soon. We do have plans on moving back there but it seems like its taking forever and nobody there will help us. Im having alot of problems with depression from the move and its been 2 weeks. Some days I dont even want to go to work and just want to stay in bed. I find strength and go to work but then it just fills my mind all day that I miss Rome and dont want to be in Syracuse. I drive for my job and I miss turns, forget my route, sometimes even almost not stop as signs. Anyone have any ideas on how to cope with this or even how I can pass the time until I move back to the city thats my comfort zone???
Thank you to everyone for sharing your stories. I’m grateful to know I’m not alone in having extreme negative feelings about moving. My husband and I decided to move from Northern California back to the Midwest last month. We both grew up in the Midwest and thought it would be a good move for a number of reasons (better schools for our kids, more affordable real estate, closer to extended family). My husband either works from home or travels with his current position so we had the flexibility to move wherever we wanted. Now that we made the move I feel like we made a terrible mistake and am so sad. I’m surprised by the degree of misery I’m feeling as we had good reasons for moving. I miss my old life and feel like I will never be happy here. Every morning when I wake up I dread going through another day and long for my old life. Everything feels wrong and all day long I have moment after moment of feeling like I hate it here. I long for my old life, familiar places, friends and activities. Even going to the grocery store here makes me sad because I miss my old grocery store! I guess I’m just one of those people who is extremely change resistant by nature. The loss of familiarity and loss of routines has always been a challenge for me. We have moved 8 times. Some moves have been easy and others seem to hit me hard like this one. I’m hoping this extreme sadness will fade with time and I can find some joy in the time we are living here.
Dear Homesick,
I could have written your post, word for word. I am in the exact same situation. We both are from the Midwest but lived in Northern California for the last 13 years. We just moved back here in July and I miss everything about my old life. Granted we are closer to our families but the day to day is so difficult. Hope somehow it gets better for both of us.
Same here. EXACT same feelings. Moved from Colorado to Iowa thinking it would be great. And I feel awful and miss everything. So miserable…
Same as you guys. Moved to midwest from Northern California and I miss everything so much. I hate it here, people are unfriendly, everything is grey, food choices are very limited, people are obsessed with football etc… I miss beautiful hiking, open minded and friendly happy people, delicious food… everything! I want to go back so bad, I wish it was just bad dream
I can’t believe reading your post how similar it is to how I feel. We moved to Iowa a couple of months ago and also thought it would be good. But I feel exactly what you wrote.
I’m glad that you explained how the rush of moving into a new place can wear off easily and can cause depression. My sister is looking to relocate to a faraway city for her job. She seems excited enough, but I know she’ll miss our time greatly. She has lived most of her life here so she’ll feel quite homesick for sure. I’ll be sure to share this article with her so she can cope better with relocation depression better.
I relocated from home with my brother to work at a new company 1200 km (750 miles) away. We are from South Africa and yes like the other people say something is missing. I miss home
Moved 2000km away from friends and a good job to be near family. Been here 18mths but can’t settle. Have a job but not as good as previously. Main issue is that family only live 2km away but have o ly visited twice for a few minutes. Hardly ever am I invited to family outings with them. I hoped I would be included more but they haven’t mu h time for me. Spend a lot of time wondering what to do. I have a son living in my previous town who used to help me a lot it now I feel guilty because I moved up where my daughter lives. Wish I could go ba K but afraid of making a other bad decision
I bought a brand new house in August of this year and it was very exciting for about two months and then I started to feel severely depressed when I knew that I should be happy I have no contact with family members I feel alienated from them and I am in this great big house all alone the first thought I had when I got the house was I have all of this and no one to share it with that really nailed it for me and the new neighbors are always inside and rarely come out unless to go some where and they don’t seem much like they want to make friends either they maybe going through something similar as I am I have bad dreams and I wake up tired and with negative after effects of the negative dreams I have gone to the shopping areas and to the parks and walked around my neighborhood often but the place just seem so empty to me the people are not friendly and stay inside so I am trying to figure out what I can do to make myself feel better.
I have read many stories tonight and now I feel part of a family with so many of you. We all share the common thread of did we make a mistake. We want to go back. Etc. Research your options, a realtor or counselor who is good at real estate can get you going on a newplan or manage the existing one better. I am praying for all of you. I came back to a community I loved 50 years ago.
I would wake up and have panic attacks, where am I? Just takes time to remember I am in different surroundings. It’s true…home is where the heart is. Find your heart and you’ll find home. Hang in there.
Three months ago, my husband and I relocated to a new country (he got a job opportunity abroad). In our home country, I am a qualified lawyer. Our new country does not recognize my law degrees, therefore I suddenly have to start all over. I have to re-qualify myself before I can practice law in this new country – this is making me really depressed. I miss my friends and family and everything familiar. I even miss the food back home. There is a 11-hour timezone difference between our new country and the people back home – this makes me even more home sick. I feel like I have given up everything that gave me joy, just to support my husband. I am really struggling to adapt – I even miss the weather back home. My mother-in-law keeps pushing me to accept the move, but some days I just feel as if the relocation was the biggest mistake of my life. Feeling really depressed and no one truly understands why. From lawyer to housewife – really bitter pill to swallow. I get a lot of anxiety and act like everything is okay – for my husband’s sake. I keep contemplating moving back home, however this relocation has given us a big financial knock. Stressed, depressed and home sick! Really hope I can snap out of this feeling. 🙁
I’m about ready to lose my mind, and it’s only been a week in the new place…we moved from central Kentucky to a rural town about an hour east of Indianapolis…only a 6 hour drive, but it feels light years away. Nobody talks to anyone here! We lived for four years in Louisiana, and 11 in Kentucky…I’m totally used to Southern hospitality and friendliness even to complete strangers, and I feel as though I’ve moved to Rude Central. You go to the Walmart or Kroger, smile and say, “Hey there!” to people as you pass by and they stop and stare as though you had two heads…not exaggerating. No one even makes eye contact when they walk by—even driving or maneuvering in a parking lot is hard– in the South, we just wait and let folks walk by, wave at them…holler out the window things like, “Not a problem, darlin”, and how ya’ll doing?” It’s a new town, I don’t know where I’m going yet, and I’ve been yelled at by drivers here, had horns honked at me, been tailgated…and while crossing the parking lot on foot in the Walmart, been screamed at by a motorist wanting me to walk faster, to get the he** out of the way!
I’ve cried every single day since moving here, sometimes several times a day…my husbands new job is here, at significantly more money and better working conditions, but I am ready to pack my things and move back home to Kentucky. He’s been here for two months on his own, in orientation and training, so he’s busy—but me, I’m MISERABLE.
We moved from a 4000 sq foot home we had just renovated, on two acres, to a small, 1800 sq foot patio home in what I swear is a neighborhood modeled after something out of the Stepford Wives…all anyone does here is pick leaves off their perfect little lawns, or water their perfect little flower beds…I’ve said hi to anyone I see walk by ( everyone gets their mail from the central delivery boxes that happen to be on my corner lot) and sometimes get a murmured “Hello” in return, or in several instances, a surprised look that I had spoken to them at all. The entire town is surrounded by corn fields (that aren’t growing, due to all the rain this summer), or has corn fields directly in the neighborhoods…its so ugly and flat in this beat up little town, I miss my two acres and the rolling hills of Kentucky and my nice big house–there’s no room for anything here! Nothing to do, ugly surroundings, unfriendly people…I just want to go home…but we’re mid 60’s now, it is a job we can’t afford NOT to take, and he says we have to realize this is home for now….but man oh man, I don’t know how I’m going to do it….all I do is cry, eat too many cookies, wander around, cry some more, take a drive, cry, eat more cookies, and when I’m not doing that, battling insomnia and crying all night because although I’m exhausted, I can’t sleep. ARRRGGHH!!!!
I needed this so badly. Thank you so much
I’ve moved 4 times for work in 21 years. Every time I have moved, I’ve gone through a period of depression. That’s because I’ve missed the people and the familiar surroundings of my previous residence. I get through it reminding myself that I was just as depressed when I moved into my former home and came to love it there; so I am bound to grow fond of this place too. Hopefully, though, this will be my last move before I retire. Moving does take a lot out of a person, that’s for sure.
Thank you to everyone who commented. It makes me feel less alone. I moved 2 hours from where I grew up. I have a lot of friends there. I miss them terribly. I moved to my boyfriend’s state for various reasons. I have very little friends here. My boyfriend is still surrounded by all of his childhood friends and his family. It makes me miss my own. They are all nice, but it’s not the same as having your own group of friends. I feel more or less like his tag along instead of feeling like part of an actual group like I had. I don’t think he fully understands that. It makes me miserable that I can’t just call up one of my friends to meet for a movie or lunch, etc. Meanwhile, he sees his friends almost every day. I don’t mind the area. I just wish I could move all of my friends here. I highly doubt he would ever move for me. He doesn’t understand how lonely it is and how you go for months and months without someone looking at you like they really love and accept you into their lives. I feel like everything here is about him. I need to build a life here, but I don’t know how. It’s more difficult as you get older. I feel like people already have set friends and groups and really aren’t looking to include someone new. I’m STILL stuck in the depression. I have every single symptom listed in this article. I am still prone to depression, but I know hoe to snap myself out of it at home. I don’t have anything here that makes me feel that way. Good luck to everyone! I hope we can either move forward or go back home.
Nearly a year ago, my husband and I moved from near Burlington Vermont to northeastern Colorado. We lived in a beautiful home on 12 acres, for 20 years. Raised the kids there, I wanted to live there until I died. I never wanted to sell the house. My husband did. I finally agreed because trying to take care of a home from 1700 miles away was too stressful.
I’m so depressed here. I miss Vermont and it’s beauty and my friends and my life. Here, I don’t want to get out of bed, I don’t have energy for anything. I don’t care about anything, except for my 2 dogs. When I finally get up, it’s because of them.
We have been renting a house on a tiny lot while our new house was being built. We close on it tomorrow. I’m dreading it. Another tiny lot. This new house feels only like a new prison, forcing me to stay here. All the chores having to do with moving and settling in seem stupid. I don’t care about the house. To me it’s another place I have to bide my time until I can go home. Why invest more money and time into something that for me, is temporary.
My husband loves it here, his new job, the weather, everything. I’m glad for him. But I don’t. There’s no joy here for me. I just want to go home. I fantasize everyday about loading my pups in the car and driving back. Maybe I will.
Feeling same here, just thinking of the familiarity and other things. I think if one can envision the positive aspects of the future place maybe that can help. Also, if others had the chance to move would they or would they stay and change plans just for you. In life we have to keep going, bittersweet moments are all part of living.
I have moved 6 times so far and I am 56. I live in a beautiful neighborhood with trails and greenways with streams and I love all of this . I miss my family my mom is 4 and half hours away we talk and FaceTime this helps she is 78 years old and I am so amazed at all she does ! She lives in Tenn. I live North Carolina at first I hated the traffic and the people who made up the traffic just want you out of the way!I have been here about 2 years and have finally met some amazing people and have loved each greenway and trail just walking and talking to God amazing beautiful feeling. So here is the big issue , since moving here I feel so tired all the time and drained almost like I am allergic to something around I am so drained so tried it is terrible I hurt some days all over I-am seeing a doctor but I swear I am allergic to Living here as beautiful as my home and environment is! I feel terrible,,tried and overwhelmed . My husband has a job he is wonderful we have been together for 35years I am so thankful For all my God given blessings! I want to be at my best for a good healthy life ahead but everyday it seems Since I got to North Carolina I feel so drained .
It’s good to see I’m not alone. It’s been just over two years in my new city, and I hate it. I realize the pandemic has been going on for 9 months, but I really don’t think that has anything to do with what I’m feeling. I moved in November 2018. By September 2019, I just wanted to leave. I convinced myself not to. I’ve made friends. I’ve found hobbies. I live in a beautiful home. But I resoundingly hate living here. It makes me feel stuck, like something is missing from my life. I loved the job I had before I moved…I cried when I left. The new job, though, was my dream job. It was everything I was supposed to be…and I hate it, too. I can’t just go back because I moved states away, and my old job, while I loved it, was severely underpaying me and I was very overqualified. Now I’m just looking for something and somewhere I can get excited about.
It’s mid-2022, so I’m hoping you’re much better now. If not, have allergy testing done at a good allergy & asthma clinic. Test your home for mold, there are home tests like My Mold Detective. Praying you’re better, & if not, will be soon.
Hi I can’t tell you my name but I will tell you that I am in middle school and my family is moving to Dubai and I’ve just been feeling sad and that I have to throw all my achievements,friends,family and more all away.
Hi I’ve been offered a job back in a county i left 28 years ago, the job an people are cool, but I find it very emotional and hard to decide to go, because what I’m leaving behind, I keep saying yes to the job then I change my mind an end up getting very tearful, or if I go I’ll be pineing to come back. If I feel like this is this move not for me.
My Grandmother passed away in January this year. It was an awful loss. It suddenly prompted us to move from California to Tennessee to help with my Grandfather. It was the right thing to do and I needed to spend time with my Grandfather while he is still around, but I had a very strong connection where I was after living there for 8 years. It has been devastating. It felt like a part of my identity and it was where I felt I belonged and was discovering a lot of exciting things and had these wonderful friends and neighbors. I was working, but it would not be enough for me to move out of my parents house. It made me feel terrible about myself at 31. I felt like a little girl where it was all completely out of my control. I also feel guilty because I really love my Granddad and I don’t want him or the rest of the family to be hurt with me preferring to live somewhere else. I just don’t feel right out here in Tennessee. I’m scared of the impact it is having on my health and feel an intense sense of urgency to get back to California in time before a major earthquake hits there. It’s a horrible feeling. I feel lost and helpless. I’m like a broken bird. At the same time, I’m doing my best to hide my homesickness for California and make the most of this time here as much as possible – in the meantime doing things to help me be more successful where I can move back and thrive there. I feel isolated because nobody else around me can relate to what I’m going through. I don’t want to make my parents feel bad and I certainly don’t want my Grandfather to feel bad. I don’t want my mother to think I’m ungrateful and it just causes tension and upset in the household if I bring it up. It is exhausting. I don’t want to put that burden on my loved ones. Again, I’m doing my best. I’m not saying I’m hating it here or resent that I was forced to move here. It is just a real problem. I was already dealing with the enormous grief of losing my Grandmother. Before I knew it, I was unexpectedly hit by a secondary different kind of a grief. I have felt conflicted by the whole thing because I don’t want my loved ones thinking I don’t really care about them that much. I had a very deep connection where I lived before. It was profound. It was a magical experience that I want back so badly. I don’t feel like anyone has a clue about what I’m dealing with inside. It feels like a part of me died. I don’t expect anyone to lend me a helping hand, moving me back to CA, but I would appreciate hearing the words “I know just how you feel and what you are going through.” We have all been mourning Grandma and so there has also been no room for me to express this other pain I’ve personally been dealing with.
“It was a magical experience that I want back so badly.” I know exactly what you’re saying, Kylie. I’m from NW Georgia, but had moved to Salt Lake City, UT in 1990, 1.5 years after a divorce. I lived there for 17 years & LOVED it, had a great career in mid-level management of the insurance/investment division with a banking system that eventually merged with Wells Fargo.
I moved back here in 2007 (to Rome, where the job I got was located, 26 miles from my hometown), when I knew that my dad would never be able to make another trip out west. Those twice-yearly trips were the highlight of his & Mother’s lives. They would stay with me for 3-4 weeks, we’d go exploring in the Rockies, to Yellowstone, Tetons, Pacific NW, Montana, etc.
Moving back here was definitely a values decision, NOT a financial one. I took a $40k-$50k cut in pay. But after moving back here, a part of me died. It feels like this: Out there, there was always opportunity!! Here? None. And not job-wise opportunity…more like possibilities!! It’s like I lived all those years in a magical place, with the Rocky Mountains a 5 minute drive from my condo, light & fluffy snows that made it like a winter wonderland, nice cool-feeling summers due to the very arid climate…just a wonderful place to live, & easy to be active year round. Here, it’s so humid & hot that it’s oppressive. I stay in most of the summer, it’s just too hot. And Utah had, on average, 100 more sunny days than here — that’s over 3 months more sunshine!! Of course, now SLC has grown like crazy, maybe I wouldn’t even like it around there now, who knows. I only keep in touch with one or two friends from out there, & some were like family to me. And I can’t go back for visits, because I feel like it would HURT to be there, after having given up everything I had there, including a view of the snow-covered Wasatch Mtns from my condo.
So, now I feel like I gave up my magical, adventurous dream life — I’d wanted to live in the Rockies since I was young — to come back here & just live a pretty dull life till I die…I’m almost 67. Kind of like Isak Dinesen in Out of Africa, if you ever saw that (wonderful!) movie with Meryl Streep & Robert Redford. She lived this magical, adventurous life in Africa, only to end up back in Denmark after going broke.
I can’t say that I haven’t enjoyed living in Rome, & I did enjoy my job at the bank branch. Loved my coworkers & customers. I’m now enjoying not having to go to work, & I see my former customers out & about pretty frequently, which is nice.
However, my mother passed in Oct. last year, & I’m trying to decide whether to move into her home, where we grew up, 26 miles NW of here. It’s a smaller town, & I’m used to having conveniences like Lowe’s, WalMart, etc., within a mile or two. (Nothing like what I had nearby in Utah, but I’ve grown used to having less, & yet some, conveniences.)
Mother’s place has a nice workshop that was my dad’s pride & joy. I don’t have that here. Her home is 1600 sf, mine is around 1200. She has 5 acres, some wooded, some field, I have .62 acre. Her house is dated, but doesn’t need work, just maybe carpet replaced since it’s 45 years old, & I’d want a screened porch built. My house needs a lot of work, including rebuilding the (small) bathroom. Her home has quite a few windows, but mine has LOTS of windows & is very light. Her yard/land has great places for a garden, my yard needs grading work done to reroute water flow…the water table is very high here (used to be a swamp, before they built the S/D in the early 50s when the GE plant opened), so not many places for a garden IF I needed one due to food shortages. I like my neighbors, & chat quite a bit with some of them…and even if not, I enjoy waving to them. Although our yards are large, we’re still pretty close together, her place only has 4 more homes on the street, with only 2 close…one across from her, & one down from that house, & they keep to themselves. And honestly, I’ve grown used to sitting on my screened porch at night & watching traffic go by on the boulevard, down 4 houses from my home. And watching the lights in the “big lake” across the blvd, one of several lakes around this large S/D, with a 1.25 mile walking track around it. At Mother’s I would sit on the carport or screened porch that I’d build, & watch the woods. Maybe watch deer emerge from them, there are lots around & they come into the backyard all the time…but I’d be watching nature, for the most part. No people, no vehicles. Which used to be my personality. I’ve grown accustomed to living around people, I guess, having done it since 1990. (Prior to that, my former husband & I lived in the country.)
All-in-all, her place would be a better place for me, & yet I just can’t seem to make the decision to move there. Mostly for fear that I’ll regret it.
It is such a tough decision, to uproot from what you’ve known & been comfortable with, not knowing if you’ll regret it. And the deadline is now, so I have to decide.
WOW, that was way too long of a post, sorry!
Thanks for the article and it very helpful to understand what I’m going through.
I had the opportunity to live in different cities and countries.. but this last move has affected me so much.. I don’t understand if it’s because I’m now in my 40s but I haven’t stopped crying since moving. Even though I am pretty sure about the change in job, since there was a lack of professional growth.. the change of a smaller city to a bigger one in the US has been overwhelming.. I just moved here and I’ll try to follow your tips to try to overcome it.
I just moved into Senior Housing and having hard time adjusting. I do lot of crying anxiety when I have to cook or clean. Don’t feel like I am at home.
March 2021, My husband, two kids and I moved from Northern California, to Northern Mississippi. My husband is doing very well in his new position and my kids love the new school. I have gone through 7 job offers, 6 jobs, and I have quit them all. I never want to leave the house, I consider returning to college in my 40’s, I am about to start a new job which is a commute from my location for about 60% less of a wage I used to make in California. I can’t seem to snap out of it or find my happy, or even remember why I was excited to move here. I just received my first paycheck from my 7th job, working only 55 hours total, and I broke down crying. I no longer want to live here and I consider leaving. Not sure if I would want to return to California, but I don’ t like where I am at.
I moved into Senior Housing and having a hard time living here. I get anxiety when I have to cook or clean. I have anxiety all day and take meds. Does anyone else have this issue.
Bless your heart. Is there any type of activity there that you could join in, to meet others & just get out of the home? If not, how about a senior center around town? I’ve known a couple of women who didn’t want to attend the senior center, then when they did, they loved it & were like teenagers again!
My husband was diagnosed with Parkinsons in early 2020. We lived in beautiful sunny SWFL. We grew up in NJ/NY so knew about cold but after living in SWFL for 7 years I forgot how bad it was and how nice being able to walk everyday was! Parkinsons made me totally worried about the future and our family Dr suggested we move near family- our only family lives outside Indianapolis. Tried to get our son to move towards us and he refused. Sold our home very quickly could have done better if we had waited. Moved to Indiana and I hate it here! Right now we had a snow storm storm before that the cold was so bad that I did not leave home for a week. Not the ice and snow are freaking me out. Cannot step outside my front door without falling on ice! HELP! I really want to go back to Florida. But if my husband becomes worse as Parkinsons is progressive and worse I fear being alone. Due to Covid we have not seen the family for weeks- miss our grandsons. Hate sitting in this too big for us house all alone day after day. Going to a Dr this week for an anti depressant as I cannot take this any longer. I feel like crying every day! We have money to live anywhere- and this is NOT where I want to be. I am sorry for all of the depression of the above posters but happy that I am not alone as I often think I am losing my mind.
I’m so sorry for the diagnosis of your husband. Yes, the Indiana wet-cold-snows would be hard to take after Florida! If you have money to live anywhere, why not to a retirement community that has healthcare as well?
There’s a newer community here called The Spires (at Berry College). They have a memory care center, not sure about other types of healthcare, but they do have assisted living, I believe, for when his health might deteriorate. It’s in Rome, GA, if you want to check it out. I’ve met several families who live there, & have moved from several states away to be there!
It’s situated on part of Berry College’s campus, which is almost 30,000 acres, & right on Eagle Lake. It’s a beautiful gated community. I did a house inspection for a dog rescue, recently, & got to visit one of the apartments (they also have cottages). It was lovely! They have the dining rooms, a dog park, etc. Might be worth checking out.
Rome is known for the medical community, as well.
Climate-wise, we typically don’t have severe weather, & you’re used to the humidity of Florida, so it might feel fine to you. The humidity is tough for me, as I’d lived in Utah for 17 years prior to moving back here. I miss the arid climate & dry, fluffy snows.
Anyway, you might want to check it out!
I’m in a complete state of depression over buying a house in northern Connecticut. We have lived in NJ for 42 years and I love it here but about 5 years ago we started talking about moving back to New England where we were both originally from. We looked at some houses, didn’t find anything, and then Covid struck and we stopped looking. Fast forward to 2022 — we hooked up with a realtor and saw more houses. This was back in February when houses were literally flying off the shelves so to speak and you had to act fast. We saw one that, as the realtor put it, “checked all the boxes”. I didn’t feel right about it from the getgo but I signed the contract anyway. Our offer was accepted (we totally overpaid). I realized what a mistake that house was (it had some real dealbreakers) and I tried and tried to get my husband to back out of the contract but he refused. I wasn’t going to sign at the closing but I did and now we own it. I’m so miserable thinking about moving there. I don’t like the house, I don’t like the location, all I do is fight with my husband about it. He doesn’t want to hear anything I have to say about it. My choices are to move there with him or stay here in NJ alone. I have a lot of physical and cultural activities here and the health care is excellent here but he will be there and I will miss him. If, however, I move there to be with him I will be miserable moving to a place I hate. It doesn’t have all the wonderful cultural activities I’m accustomed to, the health care is not nearly as good and convenient as here, and the closest Y is 12 miles away and doesn’t offer the classes I’m interested in. I’m up against a rock and a hard place. I feel alone no matter what I do. My depression so overwhelming.
Hi Josh your post helped me thank you this move is making me sick both mentally and physically I’ve been criticized for being weak and not adjusting and I’m not adjusting!!I’m trying to find outside help
I moved in with my partner almost a year ago. I doubled my commute time to my job and moved into a much smaller town. We both work in the same town but he has no issues with longer commute times, as I do. The decision for me to move in with him boiled down to finances. He had been living at his place for 3 years (prior to us dating) and his rent was cheaper than what we could find where I was living. I had originally communicated to him that I wanted us to move and find a space that suited both of us better, within 6 months. That time has come and gone. Not due to me not trying. But due to how expensive it is to live closer to the city. I originally attributed how I was feeling about the move to the fact that he had lived in that space in the past with his ex and now I’m in that space. I am 100% more motivated to get us to move than he is. Besides having sucky roommates where I use to live, I quite enjoyed where I was. I didn’t even know relocation depression was a thing before reading this article and all of the comments. Up until now I’ve been able to day dream and fantasize about us moving that the space we are in now is only but temporary and that had gotten me through. I’ve slumped into a depression over the last several months and I think it’s because the realization and feasibility of us actually moving, inches farther and farther from my grasp.
These posts making me feel a lot better. Thanks all for sharing and I hope you’re all doing better.
I’m in a completely different situation.
I bought a house while living with my parents a few months ago. I’ve slowly furnished it over the last couple months and have been really excited to move in. I have a great job, work 45 hours a week and go to the gym 5 days a week. Also amazing family and
mates. Last weekend I stayed at my new house. The feelings I felt were loneliness, an emptiness feeling, extremely tired, no desire to do anything(I missed the gym for a week), the house doesn’t feel like a home. I’ve been crying for days and feels like it would be easier if I wasn’t here. I have never had such thoughts or feelings like this. It’s literally come on so suddenly.
I’m so glad I found this article. I’m in the same boat as many commenting here. My husband passed away three years ago and I still had my children, 14, 16 and 21. Last January my oldest bought a home of her own and moved about an hour away. It was another “loss” after losing my husband that I didn’t expect to affect me the way it did. I panicked. My husband and I had built our home 25 years ago and raised our kids there. It was a beautiful home in a beautiful community. But I panicked and thought I needed to be closer to my older daughter. The younger two were in college and high school still. The house turned out to be a disaster and I was miserable because I realized I had made an awful mistake leaving my home but now I had a house with undisclosed issues that were going to cost a lot of money and aggravation. I had even approached the new owners of my house to see if they would sell it back. They said no. As crazy as it sounds, I decided to sell the house rather than deal with the repairs after only four months. I viewed this more as a necessity to get out of there because of the issues. Fortunately, the city I bought in is in high demand and I sold it in three days and made a profit. I bought a condo also in the same area. It is definitely better than the second house, but it’s still not my original HOME. It has been 7 months since I sold my family home and I still can’t get over this regret and depression of leaving my home and my community. My daughters say that the move just triggered the grief for my husband. I’m sure that’s part of it, part they’re too young to understand the connection to the home and community I’ve been in therapy but it hasn’t been helping. I have cried almost every single day. I frequently drive back to the neighborhood just to be close. Even as I get off the exit and drive through the city I instantly feel at home. I’m starting to wonder if instead of buying this condo if I should have at least moved back to my community where the streets are familiar, the stores and restaurants are familiar, the church is familiar and there are still friends and relatives nearby. I feel crazy for thinking I should move again, but what if that is really the answer to help me feel myself again?
At the age of 73 I left California and moved 2550 miles away to Tennessee where my wifes children live. I feel totally left out and my kids are thousands of miles away. Tennessee is a great place but will never be my home. Depression is real and I have a double dose. I have made a few friends but its just not the same. The old song “you cant make old friends” is so true.