You may have been thinking of moving for a long time – you may have been longing for a change of scenery, dreaming of moving to a nicer home, craving the excitement and endless opportunities of a big city, or envisaging a happier life in the peaceful countryside. Moving to a new place may have looked like the right step to take, but once you decided to take it and actually moved, you may have come to regret your choice.
In fact, statistics show that about half the people who move
experience some form of regret connected to their relocation. This comes as no
wonder, considering how difficult the relocation process is and how stressful,
frightening, and disconcerting it is to move away from family and friends, step
out of your comfort zone, dive into the unknown, and start anew. And especially
if your new place doesn’t meet your expectations or poses unexpected challenges,
you may be truly disappointed with your move.
What can you do then? How do you deal with that feeling of
regret after moving? How do you overcome the frustration, depression, and
nostalgia and find happiness in your new life?
Here are some insightful ideas on what to do when you regret
moving, so you can find a way out and move on towards a brighter future.
Common Moving Regrets
Moving house regrets can come in different forms and for
different reasons:
Regret moving away from family and friends
You may be lonely in your new city… And it may turn out not to be the city of your dreams.
Parting with loved ones is the saddest thing about moving to a new place – you’ll leave family and friends behind and will miss them terribly. You’ll be lonely in your new area and will long for the comfort and companionship of friends, the unconditional love and support of parents, etc.
Especially if you moved to a new city alone, you’re quite likely to find yourself wishing you were back with your loved ones very soon after the relocation.
Regret moving for a job
Relocating for a new job is one of the most common reasons to move house, but if things don’t work out the way you have hoped (in terms of salary, benefits, work conditions, career advancement, relationships with employer and colleagues, work/life balance, etc.) you may have big regrets about your decision.
If you move to another city, state, or country to be closer to your romantic interest and then break up with that person, you may deeply regret your choice to follow your heart away from home.
It is quite common to come to regret moving in together with your boyfriend/girlfriend as well.
Moving to a new city offers a number of new opportunities, but you need to adapt to a new environment, find your place in a new community, prove yourself in a new job, etc. It’s a daunting task and you may regret moving to a place where you know nobody – especially if your new city fails to meet your expectations.
You may have moved to a new house because you needed a bigger home or a more easily affordable home, or wanted to live in a better neighborhood, etc. Yet, you may not like your new place or it may not feel like home or may not suit your needs well – if your new house isn’t right for you, you’ll certainly regret leaving the comfort and security of your old home.
When moving to a new place, you’re going to lose your hard-earned place in the world (your standing and status, your influence, your social circle, etc.), your comfort zone (familiar routine, familiar surroundings, familiar people), and everything else you liked in your old life. It’s only normal to feel regret over your lost comforts and accomplishments.
Moving is an expensive affair and you may experience serious financial difficulties if you don’t plan your moving budget right. Make sure you find good, affordable movers to work with, get an accurate estimate of your moving costs, plan for extra charges and unexpected expenses, and find efficient ways to save money on your move to avoid severe financial regrets after your relocation.
Be aware: Falling victim to moving scams will be your greatest regret, so take care to protect your move!
Depending on the specific circumstances in your case, you may regret moving to the country – or to a big city, moving out of your parents’ house – or moving back home after college, etc. You may even regret going through all the stress and hardships of the moving process. What matters, however, is how you deal with your post-move regrets.
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It is normal to feel a sense of longing and regret after a
house move, but instead of letting yourself be consumed by sadness and
disappointment, you need to try to overcome your regrets and start enjoying
your new life.
Give yourself more time
You may feel regretful the minute you step over the threshold
of your new home or you may start feeling the pangs of regret a couple of weeks
after the move when the initial excitement of your relocation adventure has
faded away. Either way, that early feeling of regret after moving is likely to
be nothing more than a wave of nostalgia for your old life.
So, do not dwell on that distress – relax, focus on your post-relocation tasks, and try to restore a sense of normalcy to your life. Give yourself time to wind down after the move and sort out your emotions.
Keep in mind that moving is a very stressful and very
exhausting process and stress and exhaustion make it a lot harder to deal with
change in a positive way. Besides, it’s really difficult to start everything
from a zero when you’ve had a comfortable, well-established routine.
It is, therefore, absolutely normal to feel sad and regretful after the move – just remember that your judgment is clouded and don’t be quick to give in to disappointment. Try to make sense of it all first – things may fall into place soon enough.
Make your new place feel like home
Home, sweet home…
One of the most essential – and very
first – things to do after moving to a new place is to create a personal
sanctuary where you can relax and feel safe and comfortable.
Unpack your items, make the living
space functional and cozy, and surround yourself with things you love to bring
comfort and warmth to your new place. It may be a good idea to arrange your things in the same way
as they were in your old home – this will create a feeling of familiarity and will
make you feel at ease in your new surroundings.
Once you begin to feel at home in your new house or
apartment, the pangs of nostalgia will gradually become further apart and less
severe.
Developing a routine will give you a sense of security and normalcy
and will make you feel like your life is back on track. You may miss your old
routine but you’ll have the chance to make your new one better – you’ll be able
to change everything you didn’t like in your old life and become the person you
want to be. And if you succeed, then you’ll have little reason to regret
leaving your old routine behind.
You’ll realize that your move, however difficult it may have
been, was the fresh start you needed to build the life you’ve always wanted for
yourself.
Focus on what took you to your new place
Try not to compare your new life to your old one – focus on
the things that you love about your new surroundings and your new lifestyle,
not on what they lack. Your brain may trick you into remembering the past as
being more positive than it actually was, but that’s just a coping mechanism to
help you forget the negative experiences you’ve had in life. You need to
acknowledge that things weren’t perfect before you moved, that you moved for a
reason.
So, no matter how hard it may be at first, focus on that
reason and do your best to achieve your goal – create your dream home, advance
in your career, expand your knowledge, take advantage of the new opportunities in
your new area, etc.
Stay positive – thinking of your relocation as a step on the
path to achieving your dreams will help you overcome your sadness and anxiety
and successfully deal with moving regrets.
Keep your meaningful relationships alive regardless of the distance between you and your friends and family back home – call your loved ones often, take advantage of video chats to talk to them face to face, use social media to stay connected, plan frequent visits, etc.
Staying in touch will help diminish the sadness of being
apart, though parting with loved ones is likely to remain your biggest regret after
moving to a new place.
After
the move, everything will be unfamiliar and confusing – the world will seem
foreign, the people will be strangers, and you’ll feel out of place. It will be
easy to start regretting moving away from home where everything was familiar
and made sense.
You need not give in to your nostalgia though – your new world may turn out to be better than the one you left behind. Yet, to be able to appreciate it, you need to get to know it:
1. Explore your new area
The
best way to overcome your homesickness is to discover your new area – get out
there, explore your new city, and learn your way around:
Get to know your neighborhood – walk around the streets, locate local amenities, find out local hotspots and hangouts, etc.;
Locate key places in the city – supermarkets and shopping centers, restaurants, bars, and coffee shops, medical facilities, religious temples, banks, police stations, post offices, auto services, parks, recreational areas, sports centers, movie theaters, libraries, clubs, city landmarks, etc.;
Join local forums and social media groups, subscribe to a local newspaper and check regional TV channels to find out about community events, town happenings, and other matters of community interest.
The
more familiar you get with your new surroundings, the safer and more comfortable
you’re going to feel in your new world – and the less you’ll regret moving away
from home. Getting acquainted with the neighborhood and the city you live in
will make you feel more confident and more relaxed in your new surroundings.
What’s more, your explorations will put you in touch with many different people
and will present you with many exciting experiences.
2. Try new experiences and enjoy your new life
Your
new area is going to be full of new opportunities, new adventures, and new
possibilities. So, instead of grieving for your old life, you’ll do better to see
what your new city has to offer – you may find things that you like much more
than the things you’re regretful about:
Participate in
the cultural life of your new city – attend concerts and sports games, show up
at festivals and art openings, go to the movies, etc.;
Pursue whatever
outdoor activities are available in your new area;
Take up a new
hobby – pick something you’ve always been interested in but never had the
chance to try;
Sign up for
classes that will teach you new skills or help you improve your existing ones;
Volunteer at local
charities and/or join community organizations that support a cause you believe
in.
The world is better with a friend by your side.
While trying new things, be sure
to keep up your old hobbies and look for opportunities to enjoy your favorite
activities in your new area – the familiar pastimes will bring you comfort and
pleasure and will take away some of the feelings of longing and regret. Find a
club or group dedicated to the activities you find interesting or amusing and
join in – you’ll not only be able to do the things you enjoy doing, but will
also meet like-minded people who share your interests and passions and probably
have much in common with you. Some of them will most likely become good friends
of yours.
Making
friends in a new city may be a bit of a challenge but it’s the best way to fight
off loneliness and overcome post-move regrets.
In
fact, forming new friendships is not as difficult as you may think – all you
need to do is reach out:
Introduce yourself to your neighbors – Go say “hello” to the people next door, tell them you’re new to the area, and ask them about neighborhood affairs and life in the community. Try to find something you have in common (kids, pets, a passion for sports, a green thumb, etc.), so you can establish a connection and build a rapport with your new neighbors. Be polite, friendly, and helpful – you’ll become a part of the community before you know it and will no longer regret moving to a new place;
Throw a housewarming party and invite your new neighbors and new colleagues over – you’ll get to know each other a bit better and will have the chance to lay the foundations of lasting friendships. Besides, a party will lift your spirit and help you make good memories in your new home, chasing away any feelings of regret after the move;
Be easily approachable – Spend as much some time outside as possible (hang out at local hotspots, take long walks around the neighborhood and in nearby parks, eat out in public, spend time in your front yard, etc.) to make yourself available and meet new people;
Take every chance you have to meet new people – Accept any invitations you get to hang out with your new acquaintances, reach out to them with interesting suggestions and appealing offers, connect with friends’ friends, attend local events, join professional groups, church groups, hobby clubs, clubs, classes, etc. You’ll get to know a lot of new people and will find out that you have a lot of common with some of them. Your new social network will grow and you’re likely to find some good new friends;
Get involved in the community life to get a sense of belongingness and connectedness that will disperse your moving regrets.
If, however, the extra time is not
helping and you still regret relocating despite your efforts to adapt to your
new environment, there remains only one solution – to move someplace else.
Move Again
“On the road again, goin’ places that I’ve never been…”
When you regret moving, you need to find out what exactly is
causing your regret – dissatisfaction with something in your new area and/or
your new life or nostalgia over something in your old area and/or your old
life. Knowing the source of your regrets will help you determine your next step
– or, more precisely, the direction of your next step.
If your moving regrets just don’t go away, no matter how hard
you try to get rid of them, there is little you can do but leave your new area
and move again. The only question is where to move to:
Move back to where you came from – If you regret moving to a new place because you miss your old life, your old city, or, most likely, the people you left behind, it may be best to return to your old area – even if it feels like a step backward. Moving away may have made you realize how much you like your old city and how happy you can actually be there – and that is all that matters;
Move to a new place – If you regret relocating because your new area didn’t work out for you, then it may be a good idea to move to another place. It is unlikely that you will grow to regret your decision again, because this time you’ll know exactly what caused your disappointment, exactly what you’re looking for, and exactly what challenges you’re going to face. Just make sure you choose your new area carefully and plan your move well.
Either way, do your best to organize a safe and smooth relocation, find reliable movers to take care of your goods, and avoid rookie mistakes you’re going to regret after your move. Good luck and may you never regret a thing again!
I have been in my new build apartment for over a year, but still have my 2 bed terrace house, which l have to sell, but it has to go 3 ways.
I am now feeling unsure, whether l should have stayed. I think l prefer a terrace house or semi detached, it is a lovely area here but quiet, l feel abit isolated.
My old address was busy, near town and everything, but l felt area getting abit rough and scruffy, yet my house was updated. I am 60 next month, so its abit late. The old house will be our inheritance, yet l was only one living in the property, the others will not get their share while l am still alive.
I don’t know what to do
I have been in my new build apartment for over a year, but still have my 2 bed terrace house, which l have to sell, but it has to go 3 ways.
I am now feeling unsure, whether l should have stayed. I think l prefer a terrace house or semi detached, it is a lovely area here but quiet, l feel abit isolated.
My old address was busy, near town and everything, but l felt area getting abit rough and scruffy, yet my house was updated. I am 60 next month, so its abit late. The old house will be our inheritance, yet l was only one living in the property, the others will not get their share while l am still alive.
I don’t know what to do
I made such a mistake moving to be nearer my daughter and granddaughter after I retired. Almost 4 months here and they never make time for me. All the talk of “you can watch her and you can help us with rides” turned out to be BS. Here I am in a new city with few acquaintances and they don’t even consider that I might need some companionship. It really hurts. I’ll give it a year. If things don’t get better I’m outta here.
This article was great. I’ve been looking for solid material on this very topic.
We sold our home in a major city and moved to a growing exurb where we could get more bang for our buck as we were priced out of the city we lived in and couldn’t find anything that was comfortable for my husband, two young boys and my mom. I absolutely love the house but have been regretful since the move as the town we are in has just a couple of convenience stores, a walgreens, parks and schools. I feel like we gave up our lives just to have a much more comfortable living space. When we go back into our old city which is about 25 minutes away, I continously long to be back in the area. It’s even difficult to go back to our old home as it was our very first home. I really want to give it a year or two, see how the area develops and then haul tail back to the city if I still feel this way. It’s miserable.
This is exactly me. I moved about 30 minutes away to be closer to my daughter who bought a home of her own. I had lost my husband the year before and still have two younger daughters in college. I panicked because my oldest was leaving home and didn’t have anyone to slow me down. I’ve been depressed for 7 months wanting my HOME back that I built with my husband. I frequently find excuses to drive by the house. I even offered to buy the house back. I find myself wondering if I should at least move back to the neighborhood/community to get back some of what I’m missing.
I moved 3 months ago from Bklyn to Staten Island close to my daughter and grandchildren I’m feeling isolated and lonely I made a mistake thinking stores were closer and they are not. I don’t drive and being near my daughter wasn’t giving up my life in Bklyn for I feel trapped
I also relocated to be nearer to family but they have busy lives. And now I regret my decision as I find it hard to adjust to a quieter life and away from other family and friends whom I had known for many years have been in my new house over 2 months but don’t know what to do next.
This is a good article! We left our life on the west coast and moved to the east coast so that my son could know my parents and family. Unfortunately we’ve been here for 6 months and no one has visited. We put in all the effort to see them but it’s not reciprocal meanwhile it’s been hard to meet new friends because of COVID. Easy coast living feels hard meanwhile life in the west had a certain easiness to it. We were happy we could always go outside and be in nature. Everyday I hope things will improve but we are longing for our old home. We decided to give it 2 solid years to see if we can adapt. It was a big move but if we don’t we are heading back to the west coast.
Hi Ivy,
I’m wondering if you moved back to the west coast. We just made the same move from Tucson, AZ to Asheville, NC and I feel like a misfit in “the south”, having lived most of my adult life on the west coast. Be curious to know your outcome.
I just moved from the West Coast a week ago went back to my hometown. Worst mistake of my life. I miss the small town and the 5 cities. What to I do. I live in a congested city with so much traffic. I am so depressed.
I made a big move from Illinois to indiana to live closer to my son and my three grand children. Right after my 2 nd week here I felt I made a big mistake. No one welcome me my son and daughter in law never call, text or visit. I feel stuck here. I am going to give myself till spring if things stayed the way they are I will move back to my home town where I lived 43 years. I still have a house there. I only signed a six month lease here in Indiana. I have been here almost two months still have to wait four long months before I am out of here…very sad story. Regret deeply.
I feel exactly the same major regret moving want badly to go back to my old house with all the memories but I can’t I signed it away and now can’t go back. I have tried so hard to settle but a year on and still feeling just as bad, if anyone has any advice I would be so grateful I just fell upon this one and don’t know how it works, hopefully I will get some help/support/advice Thank you
I’m glad I came across this article now I know I’m not alone feeling this way. I’m 64, left my home of over 30 plus years where I raised my 3 children. I lived just 5 minutes from the house I grew up in. I moved to be closer to one of my daughters and grandchildren but it put me further away from my other daughter and those grandchildren. They too are too busy and don’t visit. It’s more of a rural setting so I have to drive farther to shop, the neighborhood is all young families so no making of friends. My friends don’t want to travel the distance to come and visit. I put everything I made from the sale of that house into this house. My son with some disabilities lives with me and he doesn’t want to move again. I too feel stuck. I also moved because the neighborhood was getting bad but I still miss it. This home is a lot more up keep as well, now I’m near a busier street, young neighbors. I was blinded by the thought of a new home, and the “we can hang out and do more if you were closer” statement from my daughter. I think she just wanted to get me away from her sister. Before I lived between the 2 as far as distance, now I have to travel over an hour to see my other daughter. It consumes me every day of the bad decision I made to move her, plus the mortgage on the older home was almost paid off.
I am also feeling much regret moving from NYC Westchester area to Upstate NY in a downtown—Unsettled and unfocused. I am here under 1 month, and all of the initial excitement has turned to hard regret. I lost my happiness and it’s hard to get it back.
Also, the little AC unit noises are driving me nuts. I miss the nature of before, and now hear low grade artificial noises when I open the window. Nature is very important to me, and I feel like I made a mistake to remove that from life.
I have a 1 year lease, but can negotiate getting out earlier. I did a budget move to get here (a friend helped), but will have to likely spend a lot to relocate again, and would need to reduce stuff–which will take some time.
I need my happiness, and I miss the people that were around me before. I didn’t see them much (mostly talked on phone), because everyone has their own lives and residual distancing— so I thought that if I moved away, it wont make a diff. But it does. (I now realize.) Because I can’t make simple trips to see them. I am over 5 hours away now.
I think I made a mistake. And I want to go back.
I am glad to find this thread. I make snap decisions at times and decided I wanted to buy a home close to my home town near Las Vegas, NV. I have been living in Southern Utah and had a great job. I am old enough to retire so I thought moving to Overton NV would offer the warm temps I enjoyed 17 yrs ago. Now I don’t want to move there. My husband is there with our many pets and we put most of the money we made from the sale of our Utah house in this new house. It is a great house in the wrong location. I paid top dollar, I could not get what I need to move. I realize I am not ready to retire from my current job and I want to buy a house back where I lived in Utah and can’t afford another home with the one we bought in Nevada. I feel so torn and cannot make the decision. So sorry I made this move.
I am glad to have found this site, it is helpful and encouraging. My husband, son and I moved to the country from a rural area back home. I loved this state visiting, but don’t like it now that I live here. I miss the familiarity of home, normal stores, normal drivers and food I can’t get out where I live now. I want to move back but my husband does not want to. I am trying to make the best of the situation, but can’t seem to understand why I am struggling SO badly.
Miss my young adult kids and all I knew in MN so much. Left last August, ‘22. To try out WA state. Have 2 siblings I had missed for years that had moved out here many years ago. Seen my brother maybe 6 or 7 times total in the last year.
Staying with my sister now along with my husband. She ended up offering to us to stay here and get out of our debt mess. Although we’d planned on doing an extended stay hotel til we found an apartment. I regret the move and this choice. I had left my very good job too thinking I’d find a good one that was comparable and still have not. I have kind of given up on job search out here since my kids have now told me they don’t want to join us. That was one thing I was thinking they would follow us after we set up. I cashed out my PERA also.
Instead of getting a new place, my sister encouraged us to deal with old debt, we agreed, but my husband went and paid off so much of his bills and then we had nothing left to go towards a new place to move. I have felt officially trapped. Now I have crap credit again and no where else to go.
I only got 2 low paying retail jobs that hurt my arthritic hands so I recently quit.
My husband works remotely, thank God.
We pay sister money to live here in a tiny room we added on to her home with my husbands retirement fund. I am determined to go back to MN since I miss my kids so much. Have literally fought with my husband and even debated my sister over this. Told I’m plain wrong and selfish. Let them be the young adults they are. As if they don’t need a mother in their life anymore. Oh and my husband does like the men’s church group finally out here. Like there is no way to be connected to churches in other cities or virtually.
Well , sure my kids can live on their own, but I’d love to be able to go have lunch or a movie, a walk with them again. They need me, I need them.
During covid we lived in Florida and my husband’s Dr. said as my husband has Parkinson’s we should move closer to family. We moved from sunny beautiful Florida to dreary boring Indiana. I hate the cold and ice and dreary days- I get so depressed i could scream. Our son has always a bit aloof but he promised if we moved we would be one happy family. What a big lie! He ignores us and last week he actually screamed at us. I have been buying things for the grandkids- I have to beg him to stop by to pick them up. We love our 2 grandsons but seeing them once a week and having 6 days of terrible boredom is the pits. How I miss going into my pool or walking to the community pool to meet people. As for my DIL we have figured out she is staying with our son as she is to put it bluntly a gold digger as well have quite a lot of money which she wants to get her hands on. Once she told m when my son is gone she will find a really handsome new husband as she is so beautiful. I nearly died when she said that- who says such a thing? Truth be told she is not named in the trusts and will get NOTHING in terms of a large pay out when we are gone. The names trustee will handle requests for money for the care of the boys- not for her! I am tempted to tell her that perhaps it would get her moving along. Watching her in action wasting money dong absolutely no housework and yelling at our son has made us both sick. He told us he wants to divorce her but does not know about his 2 sons- they are young. We bought the house without seeing it- our daughter in law looked at it and said it was great. I HATE the house it is too large 5200 sq feet 5 brs and 5 baths. The bathtubs are cheap tubs that neither my husband or I can get into- there is no places to hold onto when getting out. I fear falling. I hate the back yard- so ugly- compared to my beautiful pond and preserve back yard with a lovely pool. I have not made any friends- the street is 21 houses mostly senior like us- and although no one is nasty no one has gone out of their way to be friendly. I have posted on local boards asking for anyone looking for ladies to be my friend. I have had 2 replies and they said they wanted to meet then ghosted me- I wrote several times and they never replied. I have been sicker living here for the past 2 years than I had been in Fla, for nearly `10 years. I gave had coughs, colds, poison ivy 3 times as the lovely back yard is infested with it! I am just so sad living here- prices in Florida have gone through the roof since we sold. had we not sold we would be living in a house worth a lot more than what we got which makes me sad. I am not sure what to do- I look at Florida real estate blogs every day as I really want to go back. I have a couple friends in the town we lived in so would know someone- unlike here. Moving will be hard as we are both 2 years older than when we moved the last time. This state has state income tax which Fla. did not have so we are paying a LOT MORE to live in a place we like A LOT LESS! I am really sad and depressed.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It’s so hard when you move and then regret. I am in the same situation. We are just taking time to think through our next move. Take time to reflect and if you are very unhappy in 6 months time move on. Sounds like location is very important for you.
While I am sad to know other people are experiencing regret due to a recent move, I am glad to know that I am not alone. I have moved before but never experienced the depression that this latest move has caused. And to top it off, getting caught up in the financial mess of inflation, high interest rates, etc. I feel totally overwhelmed at what to do next.
I just moved from the big island to Oahu. It’s a huge disappointment. My husband was chasing dollar signs, but now it’s proven to cost us more money on this depressing rock. The people are rude, the prices are ridiculous, I live in an area with nothing only churches and schools. My daughter and grandchildren are on the mainland including all of my family. We have his family here and although they are nice and willing to make time for us, I just cannot shake the depression.
On the Big Island I felt safe to explore and hike alone. Here there’s drug addicts and homeless around every corner. I’m worried my truck will get broken into if I park at a beach to go walking. For the first time in 30 years I bought pepper spray. I feel responsible for this dumb move because when we came on vacations a few times to scout the area it was totally different than actually living here. This town is ghetto and our neighborhood is terrible. A million dollar house that looks like a dump. Our neighbors are rude. Giant murder-breed dogs are constantly roaming around off leash and the cops are always here because of domestic issues.
People on the beaches pop illegal fireworks at all hours of the night. Dogs bark outside nonstop and roosters crowing all morning. The nearest Walmart and Costco are over an hour away. Target is 45 minutes away. You just get overpriced mom & pop shops that charge $9 for a 1/2 gallon of milk.
The worst part is that my happy-go-lucky husband is fully on board to ride it out and I’ve resorted to taking antidepressants. I just want to stay in bed all day. I have no sadness in my sleep. I’ve put on weight and I just plain hate this island. There’s too many people. Too many dogs and too little room for all of us. The job market is also pathetic here. The pay is crap. I have a bachelor’s degree in health management and can’t even find work. Don’t ever think Hawaii is paradise. It’s not, its unraveling my peace and my sanity one sunny irritating day at a time.
I’m so glad I found this article. I’m in the same boat as many commenting here. My husband passed away three years ago and I still had my children, 14, 16 and 21. Last January my oldest bought a home of her own and moved about an hour away. It was another “loss” after losing my husband that I didn’t expect to affect me the way it did. I panicked. My husband and I had built our home 25 years ago and raised our kids there. It was a beautiful home in a beautiful community. But I panicked and thought I needed to be closer to my older daughter. The younger two were in college and high school still. The house turned out to be a disaster and I was miserable because I realized I had made an awful mistake leaving my home but now I had a house with undisclosed issues that were going to cost a lot of money and aggravation. I had even approached the new owners of my house to see if they would sell it back. They said no. As crazy as it sounds, I decided to sell the house rather than deal with the repairs after only four months. I viewed this more as a necessity to get out of there because of the issues. Fortunately, the city I bought in is in high demand and I sold it in three days and made a profit. I bought a condo also in the same area. It is definitely better than the second house, but it’s still not my original HOME. It has been 7 months since I sold my family home and I still can’t get over this regret and depression of leaving my home and my community. My daughters say that the move just triggered the grief for my husband. I’m sure that’s part of it, part they’re too young to understand the connection to the home and community I’ve been in therapy but it hasn’t been helping. I have cried almost every single day. I frequently drive back to the neighborhood just to be close. Even as I get off the exit and drive through the city I instantly feel at home. I’m starting to wonder if instead of buying this condo if I should have at least moved back to my community where the streets are familiar, the stores and restaurants are familiar, the church is familiar and there are still friends and relatives nearby. I feel crazy for thinking I should move again, but what if that is really the answer to help me feel myself again?
Misery loves company. I feel the same way as many who have commented. I regret moving across country sooooo much that it makes me sick. I have lost weight because I’m nauseous with regret. I miss my old life every day. It doesn’t get better even though I’m trying to hold onto hope. I feel isolated. We went from a big city to a very small town. It’s been a nightmare. Knowing others are going through this helps a bit.
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I have been in my new build apartment for over a year, but still have my 2 bed terrace house, which l have to sell, but it has to go 3 ways.
I am now feeling unsure, whether l should have stayed. I think l prefer a terrace house or semi detached, it is a lovely area here but quiet, l feel abit isolated.
My old address was busy, near town and everything, but l felt area getting abit rough and scruffy, yet my house was updated. I am 60 next month, so its abit late. The old house will be our inheritance, yet l was only one living in the property, the others will not get their share while l am still alive.
I don’t know what to do
I have been in my new build apartment for over a year, but still have my 2 bed terrace house, which l have to sell, but it has to go 3 ways.
I am now feeling unsure, whether l should have stayed. I think l prefer a terrace house or semi detached, it is a lovely area here but quiet, l feel abit isolated.
My old address was busy, near town and everything, but l felt area getting abit rough and scruffy, yet my house was updated. I am 60 next month, so its abit late. The old house will be our inheritance, yet l was only one living in the property, the others will not get their share while l am still alive.
I don’t know what to do
I made such a mistake moving to be nearer my daughter and granddaughter after I retired. Almost 4 months here and they never make time for me. All the talk of “you can watch her and you can help us with rides” turned out to be BS. Here I am in a new city with few acquaintances and they don’t even consider that I might need some companionship. It really hurts. I’ll give it a year. If things don’t get better I’m outta here.
This article was great. I’ve been looking for solid material on this very topic.
We sold our home in a major city and moved to a growing exurb where we could get more bang for our buck as we were priced out of the city we lived in and couldn’t find anything that was comfortable for my husband, two young boys and my mom. I absolutely love the house but have been regretful since the move as the town we are in has just a couple of convenience stores, a walgreens, parks and schools. I feel like we gave up our lives just to have a much more comfortable living space. When we go back into our old city which is about 25 minutes away, I continously long to be back in the area. It’s even difficult to go back to our old home as it was our very first home. I really want to give it a year or two, see how the area develops and then haul tail back to the city if I still feel this way. It’s miserable.
This is exactly me. I moved about 30 minutes away to be closer to my daughter who bought a home of her own. I had lost my husband the year before and still have two younger daughters in college. I panicked because my oldest was leaving home and didn’t have anyone to slow me down. I’ve been depressed for 7 months wanting my HOME back that I built with my husband. I frequently find excuses to drive by the house. I even offered to buy the house back. I find myself wondering if I should at least move back to the neighborhood/community to get back some of what I’m missing.
I moved 3 months ago from Bklyn to Staten Island close to my daughter and grandchildren I’m feeling isolated and lonely I made a mistake thinking stores were closer and they are not. I don’t drive and being near my daughter wasn’t giving up my life in Bklyn for I feel trapped
I also relocated to be nearer to family but they have busy lives. And now I regret my decision as I find it hard to adjust to a quieter life and away from other family and friends whom I had known for many years have been in my new house over 2 months but don’t know what to do next.
This is a good article! We left our life on the west coast and moved to the east coast so that my son could know my parents and family. Unfortunately we’ve been here for 6 months and no one has visited. We put in all the effort to see them but it’s not reciprocal meanwhile it’s been hard to meet new friends because of COVID. Easy coast living feels hard meanwhile life in the west had a certain easiness to it. We were happy we could always go outside and be in nature. Everyday I hope things will improve but we are longing for our old home. We decided to give it 2 solid years to see if we can adapt. It was a big move but if we don’t we are heading back to the west coast.
Hi Ivy,
I’m wondering if you moved back to the west coast. We just made the same move from Tucson, AZ to Asheville, NC and I feel like a misfit in “the south”, having lived most of my adult life on the west coast. Be curious to know your outcome.
I just moved from the West Coast a week ago went back to my hometown. Worst mistake of my life. I miss the small town and the 5 cities. What to I do. I live in a congested city with so much traffic. I am so depressed.
I made a big move from Illinois to indiana to live closer to my son and my three grand children. Right after my 2 nd week here I felt I made a big mistake. No one welcome me my son and daughter in law never call, text or visit. I feel stuck here. I am going to give myself till spring if things stayed the way they are I will move back to my home town where I lived 43 years. I still have a house there. I only signed a six month lease here in Indiana. I have been here almost two months still have to wait four long months before I am out of here…very sad story. Regret deeply.
I feel exactly the same major regret moving want badly to go back to my old house with all the memories but I can’t I signed it away and now can’t go back. I have tried so hard to settle but a year on and still feeling just as bad, if anyone has any advice I would be so grateful I just fell upon this one and don’t know how it works, hopefully I will get some help/support/advice Thank you
I’m glad I came across this article now I know I’m not alone feeling this way. I’m 64, left my home of over 30 plus years where I raised my 3 children. I lived just 5 minutes from the house I grew up in. I moved to be closer to one of my daughters and grandchildren but it put me further away from my other daughter and those grandchildren. They too are too busy and don’t visit. It’s more of a rural setting so I have to drive farther to shop, the neighborhood is all young families so no making of friends. My friends don’t want to travel the distance to come and visit. I put everything I made from the sale of that house into this house. My son with some disabilities lives with me and he doesn’t want to move again. I too feel stuck. I also moved because the neighborhood was getting bad but I still miss it. This home is a lot more up keep as well, now I’m near a busier street, young neighbors. I was blinded by the thought of a new home, and the “we can hang out and do more if you were closer” statement from my daughter. I think she just wanted to get me away from her sister. Before I lived between the 2 as far as distance, now I have to travel over an hour to see my other daughter. It consumes me every day of the bad decision I made to move her, plus the mortgage on the older home was almost paid off.
Yes dreadful mistake, never move to be near children.
I am also feeling much regret moving from NYC Westchester area to Upstate NY in a downtown—Unsettled and unfocused. I am here under 1 month, and all of the initial excitement has turned to hard regret. I lost my happiness and it’s hard to get it back.
Also, the little AC unit noises are driving me nuts. I miss the nature of before, and now hear low grade artificial noises when I open the window. Nature is very important to me, and I feel like I made a mistake to remove that from life.
I have a 1 year lease, but can negotiate getting out earlier. I did a budget move to get here (a friend helped), but will have to likely spend a lot to relocate again, and would need to reduce stuff–which will take some time.
I need my happiness, and I miss the people that were around me before. I didn’t see them much (mostly talked on phone), because everyone has their own lives and residual distancing— so I thought that if I moved away, it wont make a diff. But it does. (I now realize.) Because I can’t make simple trips to see them. I am over 5 hours away now.
I think I made a mistake. And I want to go back.
I am glad to find this thread. I make snap decisions at times and decided I wanted to buy a home close to my home town near Las Vegas, NV. I have been living in Southern Utah and had a great job. I am old enough to retire so I thought moving to Overton NV would offer the warm temps I enjoyed 17 yrs ago. Now I don’t want to move there. My husband is there with our many pets and we put most of the money we made from the sale of our Utah house in this new house. It is a great house in the wrong location. I paid top dollar, I could not get what I need to move. I realize I am not ready to retire from my current job and I want to buy a house back where I lived in Utah and can’t afford another home with the one we bought in Nevada. I feel so torn and cannot make the decision. So sorry I made this move.
I didn’t expect an article on this website to be so DEEP! There is a lot of wisdom here. Good job!
I am glad to have found this site, it is helpful and encouraging. My husband, son and I moved to the country from a rural area back home. I loved this state visiting, but don’t like it now that I live here. I miss the familiarity of home, normal stores, normal drivers and food I can’t get out where I live now. I want to move back but my husband does not want to. I am trying to make the best of the situation, but can’t seem to understand why I am struggling SO badly.
Miss my young adult kids and all I knew in MN so much. Left last August, ‘22. To try out WA state. Have 2 siblings I had missed for years that had moved out here many years ago. Seen my brother maybe 6 or 7 times total in the last year.
Staying with my sister now along with my husband. She ended up offering to us to stay here and get out of our debt mess. Although we’d planned on doing an extended stay hotel til we found an apartment. I regret the move and this choice. I had left my very good job too thinking I’d find a good one that was comparable and still have not. I have kind of given up on job search out here since my kids have now told me they don’t want to join us. That was one thing I was thinking they would follow us after we set up. I cashed out my PERA also.
Instead of getting a new place, my sister encouraged us to deal with old debt, we agreed, but my husband went and paid off so much of his bills and then we had nothing left to go towards a new place to move. I have felt officially trapped. Now I have crap credit again and no where else to go.
I only got 2 low paying retail jobs that hurt my arthritic hands so I recently quit.
My husband works remotely, thank God.
We pay sister money to live here in a tiny room we added on to her home with my husbands retirement fund. I am determined to go back to MN since I miss my kids so much. Have literally fought with my husband and even debated my sister over this. Told I’m plain wrong and selfish. Let them be the young adults they are. As if they don’t need a mother in their life anymore. Oh and my husband does like the men’s church group finally out here. Like there is no way to be connected to churches in other cities or virtually.
Well , sure my kids can live on their own, but I’d love to be able to go have lunch or a movie, a walk with them again. They need me, I need them.
During covid we lived in Florida and my husband’s Dr. said as my husband has Parkinson’s we should move closer to family. We moved from sunny beautiful Florida to dreary boring Indiana. I hate the cold and ice and dreary days- I get so depressed i could scream. Our son has always a bit aloof but he promised if we moved we would be one happy family. What a big lie! He ignores us and last week he actually screamed at us. I have been buying things for the grandkids- I have to beg him to stop by to pick them up. We love our 2 grandsons but seeing them once a week and having 6 days of terrible boredom is the pits. How I miss going into my pool or walking to the community pool to meet people. As for my DIL we have figured out she is staying with our son as she is to put it bluntly a gold digger as well have quite a lot of money which she wants to get her hands on. Once she told m when my son is gone she will find a really handsome new husband as she is so beautiful. I nearly died when she said that- who says such a thing? Truth be told she is not named in the trusts and will get NOTHING in terms of a large pay out when we are gone. The names trustee will handle requests for money for the care of the boys- not for her! I am tempted to tell her that perhaps it would get her moving along. Watching her in action wasting money dong absolutely no housework and yelling at our son has made us both sick. He told us he wants to divorce her but does not know about his 2 sons- they are young. We bought the house without seeing it- our daughter in law looked at it and said it was great. I HATE the house it is too large 5200 sq feet 5 brs and 5 baths. The bathtubs are cheap tubs that neither my husband or I can get into- there is no places to hold onto when getting out. I fear falling. I hate the back yard- so ugly- compared to my beautiful pond and preserve back yard with a lovely pool. I have not made any friends- the street is 21 houses mostly senior like us- and although no one is nasty no one has gone out of their way to be friendly. I have posted on local boards asking for anyone looking for ladies to be my friend. I have had 2 replies and they said they wanted to meet then ghosted me- I wrote several times and they never replied. I have been sicker living here for the past 2 years than I had been in Fla, for nearly `10 years. I gave had coughs, colds, poison ivy 3 times as the lovely back yard is infested with it! I am just so sad living here- prices in Florida have gone through the roof since we sold. had we not sold we would be living in a house worth a lot more than what we got which makes me sad. I am not sure what to do- I look at Florida real estate blogs every day as I really want to go back. I have a couple friends in the town we lived in so would know someone- unlike here. Moving will be hard as we are both 2 years older than when we moved the last time. This state has state income tax which Fla. did not have so we are paying a LOT MORE to live in a place we like A LOT LESS! I am really sad and depressed.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It’s so hard when you move and then regret. I am in the same situation. We are just taking time to think through our next move. Take time to reflect and if you are very unhappy in 6 months time move on. Sounds like location is very important for you.
While I am sad to know other people are experiencing regret due to a recent move, I am glad to know that I am not alone. I have moved before but never experienced the depression that this latest move has caused. And to top it off, getting caught up in the financial mess of inflation, high interest rates, etc. I feel totally overwhelmed at what to do next.
I just moved from the big island to Oahu. It’s a huge disappointment. My husband was chasing dollar signs, but now it’s proven to cost us more money on this depressing rock. The people are rude, the prices are ridiculous, I live in an area with nothing only churches and schools. My daughter and grandchildren are on the mainland including all of my family. We have his family here and although they are nice and willing to make time for us, I just cannot shake the depression.
On the Big Island I felt safe to explore and hike alone. Here there’s drug addicts and homeless around every corner. I’m worried my truck will get broken into if I park at a beach to go walking. For the first time in 30 years I bought pepper spray. I feel responsible for this dumb move because when we came on vacations a few times to scout the area it was totally different than actually living here. This town is ghetto and our neighborhood is terrible. A million dollar house that looks like a dump. Our neighbors are rude. Giant murder-breed dogs are constantly roaming around off leash and the cops are always here because of domestic issues.
People on the beaches pop illegal fireworks at all hours of the night. Dogs bark outside nonstop and roosters crowing all morning. The nearest Walmart and Costco are over an hour away. Target is 45 minutes away. You just get overpriced mom & pop shops that charge $9 for a 1/2 gallon of milk.
The worst part is that my happy-go-lucky husband is fully on board to ride it out and I’ve resorted to taking antidepressants. I just want to stay in bed all day. I have no sadness in my sleep. I’ve put on weight and I just plain hate this island. There’s too many people. Too many dogs and too little room for all of us. The job market is also pathetic here. The pay is crap. I have a bachelor’s degree in health management and can’t even find work. Don’t ever think Hawaii is paradise. It’s not, its unraveling my peace and my sanity one sunny irritating day at a time.
I’m so glad I found this article. I’m in the same boat as many commenting here. My husband passed away three years ago and I still had my children, 14, 16 and 21. Last January my oldest bought a home of her own and moved about an hour away. It was another “loss” after losing my husband that I didn’t expect to affect me the way it did. I panicked. My husband and I had built our home 25 years ago and raised our kids there. It was a beautiful home in a beautiful community. But I panicked and thought I needed to be closer to my older daughter. The younger two were in college and high school still. The house turned out to be a disaster and I was miserable because I realized I had made an awful mistake leaving my home but now I had a house with undisclosed issues that were going to cost a lot of money and aggravation. I had even approached the new owners of my house to see if they would sell it back. They said no. As crazy as it sounds, I decided to sell the house rather than deal with the repairs after only four months. I viewed this more as a necessity to get out of there because of the issues. Fortunately, the city I bought in is in high demand and I sold it in three days and made a profit. I bought a condo also in the same area. It is definitely better than the second house, but it’s still not my original HOME. It has been 7 months since I sold my family home and I still can’t get over this regret and depression of leaving my home and my community. My daughters say that the move just triggered the grief for my husband. I’m sure that’s part of it, part they’re too young to understand the connection to the home and community I’ve been in therapy but it hasn’t been helping. I have cried almost every single day. I frequently drive back to the neighborhood just to be close. Even as I get off the exit and drive through the city I instantly feel at home. I’m starting to wonder if instead of buying this condo if I should have at least moved back to my community where the streets are familiar, the stores and restaurants are familiar, the church is familiar and there are still friends and relatives nearby. I feel crazy for thinking I should move again, but what if that is really the answer to help me feel myself again?
Misery loves company. I feel the same way as many who have commented. I regret moving across country sooooo much that it makes me sick. I have lost weight because I’m nauseous with regret. I miss my old life every day. It doesn’t get better even though I’m trying to hold onto hope. I feel isolated. We went from a big city to a very small town. It’s been a nightmare. Knowing others are going through this helps a bit.