Your Guide To Moving Back In With Your Parents

Back when you left your parents’ home to follow your own path in life – be it to go to college, get married, or start a job in another city – you probably never thought that you would ever return for longer than a visit. Yet, several years later, you may find yourself at the threshold of your childhood home, with all your earthly possessions in tow, yearning for a safe and peaceful (and free!) place to stay.

You’re certain to have mixed emotions about it (frustration, depression, gratitude, relief, and myriads more), but moving back home may be the right step to take (even if it feels like a step backwards at the moment) in order to get where you want to be – financially, professionally, and emotionally. You’ll have your family’s moral and material support, so that you can get on your feet and move on with your life.

Living with your parents after years of living on your own, however, is likely to be a great challenge – you need to find a way to be your adult self and do your own thing while still showing respect and gratitude to mom and dad.

So, if you’re considering moving back in with your parents, you’re going to need some proven strategies that will allow you to make things easier for everyone. And you will need to give it all a very good thought.

Should I Move Back Home?

First things first, you need to be sure that moving back with your parents is what you really want to do.

Reasons to Move Back Home

If you’re even considering the idea, then you certainly have some good reasons to sacrifice your independence and seek out the security and comfort of your old home:

• Moving back home to save money – Financial struggles are the number one reason for adult children to move back in with their parents – especially if they have lost a job or can’t find one just after graduation. After all, a small income (or no income at all) and lofty mortgage prices make a very bad combination that pushes young people to move in with their mom and dad in order to get control of their finances and get out of debt as quickly as possible. Even youths who don’t experience serious financial difficulties often opt to move back home in order to save up for a down payment on a house or build up an emergency fund before starting to live on their own;
• Moving back with parents after college – It is quite common for young people to move back home after graduation – in fact, it has become a norm for graduates to live with their parents for a couple of year after college. This comes as no surprise – considering the increasing cost of higher education, most young people nowadays graduate with a considerable student loan debt. Even if they’re able to find a well-paying job soon after graduation, living at home after college provides them with the opportunity to pay off their debt (or at least, make a dent in it) and build a financial foundation for their future. And if they don’t find employment right away, young graduates will have little choice but to return home and count on their parents to provide for them until they get a job;
• Moving back in with parents after a breakup – Usually, home is exactly where a person needs to be when going through an emotional turmoil. It is only natural then that moving back home after a divorce or a breakup seems like the logical choice for many young people who have recently ended a relationship. Their family home is a safe haven where they can recover from the painful breakup and make plans for the future, not to mention how invaluable their parents’ emotional support is in such a difficult period;

  

• Moving back home with a baby – A young couple (or a single parent) may decide to move back home with their baby in order to get help looking after the child or to avoid paying rent, so that they’re able to save money for their own home in the near future;
• Moving back home to care for elderly parents – Seniors who can no longer cope on their own but don’t want to move to assisted living may ask their children to move back home and help them during the last years of their lives – this scenario is completely different from the ones discussed above, but it still ends up with adults moving back in with their parents.

Whatever your personal reasons to return to your childhood home, you need to be sure that this is the right step to take.

Benefits of Moving Back with Parents

When you move back in with mom and dad, you’ll be able to count on their support and will have the time to figure out who you are and what you want. You’ll be able to get a direction in life before you hit the road:

• You’ll be able to save a lot of money – Your parents will either charge a very small rent or no rent at all, so you’ll be able to put all the money you’d have spent on housing expenses in a savings account. Besides, you’ll spend much less on food and utilities when living with your parents than when living on your own;
• You’ll have the chance to get a good job – When living under your parents’ roof, you won’t have to worry about rent or other urgent expenses, so you won’t have to take the first job offer you get just because you desperately need the money. You’ll have enough time to research your employment options, apply for several positions, and wait until you find a job you really love;
• You’ll be living with people who care for you – Whether you’re sick or depressed, mom and dad will be there to look after you, help you with whatever they can, and cheer you up. You’ll never feel lonely or ignored when home;
• You’ll have strong emotional support – Your parents love you and will always be there for you, especially in a difficult situation – they accept you for who you are and will support your actions until you get back on your feet and feel strong enough, financially and emotionally, to be on your own again;
• The food will be great – You’ll be able to enjoy warm home-cooked meals much more often than when living on your own – even if you don’t have the time to cook, your mom may have something ready on the table by the time you come home from work. Besides, she’ll remember your favorite meals and will prepare them for you from time to time;
• You won’t have a lot of housework to do – Your parents will maintain their home as they have always done, so even though you’ll have some household chores to take care of, they will be considerably less than when living in your own place;
• Your parents will help you take care of your kids (if you have any) – Your parents’ financial, physical, and mental support will be invaluable if you’re a single mom or dad, but even if that is not the case, their help will still be of great use to you – there will be someone to look after the young ones when you’re at work or when you want to spend a romantic evening with your partner, someone to pick them from school and take them where they need to go, etc.;

  

• You’ll get closer to your parents – When living at home, you’ll spend a lot of time with your folks and will get to really know them. Since you’re an adult now, you’ll be able to talk about things you have never discussed before. You’ll see your parents in a completely different light and will be able to better appreciate what they’ve done for you;
• You’ll be sure that mom and dad are doing fine – As you live with your parents, you’ll be able to help them and make them feel better, to make sure that they have everything they need and get proper medical care, etc. It’s a great relief to know that your family is well and safe.

Despite all those great advantages, however, moving back in with your parents has some significant drawbacks as well. Even if you’re really close with mom and dad.

Disadvantages of Living with Your Parents

So, let’s take a look at the other side of the coin:

• You’ll lose some of your freedom – If you’re living in your parents’ home, you’ll have to respect their rules;
• You’ll have your privacy invaded – Mom and dad are likely to be curious about your life and demand to know where you’re going, who you’re spending your time with, how’s your progress at work, what happened between you and your ex, and so on and so on. Besides, you won’t be able to head to the kitchen in your underwear or play your music loud late at night;
• You’ll get a lot of unwanted advice – Your parents will inevitably start getting on you about going back to school, finding a better job, getting married, etc. And the worst part is that they’re going to tell you exactly how to do so. You will even hear their opinions about the food that you eat, the time that you sleep, or the number of hours you spend in front of the TV;
• Your social activities will be limited – You won’t be able to throw house parties or have your friends (or your date) over for the night. You may even be asked to get home before dark!
• You’ll lose some of your self-esteem – If you’ve returned home because of financial problems or an emotional breakdown, you may feel like you have failed in life. It can be quite frustrating;
• You’ll feel embarrassed – Friends and colleagues may even make fun of you for living with your folks at 30;
• You’ll be treated like a child – No matter how old you’re, you’ll always be your parent’s little kid. They will be protective, inquisitive, and authoritative – it’s unavoidable;

  

• You may cross swords with your parents – It may be difficult to avoid clashes, considering the generational gap between you and your parents (especially if they’re too judgmental and you’re too inconsiderate of their feelings and believes). The difference in your outlooks towards life will be amplified by whatever little arguments you have over trivial household issues and may result in a major fight.

SEE ALSO: Pros and cons of moving out of parents’ house

Having considered all of the above, you should be able to find the right answer to the difficult questions: “Should I move back in with my parents? Is moving back home a good idea?” If the answer is yes, then you need to prepare well for your move and find a way to make the transitions smooth and easy.

Tips For Moving Back Home With Parents

If you’ve decided to move back to your childhood home, you’ll be glad to learn that there are a lot of things you can do in order to effectively avoid awkward situations while living with your parents, prevent tension and conflicts, and get the most out of your time back in the family nest.

1) Discuss your plans with mom and dad

Be completely honest with your parents about your reasons to move back in with them and the goals you hope to achieve while living under their roof – pay off your debts, build up savings, focus on your career, recover from an emotional breakdown, etc. Take a clear, direct approach and do not hesitate to share your mistakes, your regrets, your dreams, and your expectations with your parents. Show them that you’re not trying to hide from your problems and avoid taking responsibility for your life, but are making a responsible decision for your future.

2) Set up an agreement with your parents

Not a formal one, of course, but you and your parents need to agree on some critical issues before you move back home:

• Define your rights and responsibilities – how much you’re going to contribute to the family budget, what household chores you’re going to do, whether you can come and go as you please, if you expect your significant other to sleep over from time to time, etc.;
• Establish your roles – Remind your parents that you’re not a little kid anymore and they need to treat you like an adult. Let them know that you don’t expect them to clean after you, prepare your food, or do your laundry, but you DO expect them to respect your privacy and take your opinion into account. Make sure you treat them with respect and courtesy as well;
• Set clear rules – Do you want your parents to stay out of your room? Do they expect you to join them for dinner in the evenings? Do you owe them a call when you’re going to be late at night?

3) Ensure a smooth relocation

When you’ve come to an agreement with your parents, it’s time to organize your move. Research your options and plan an affordable and simple relocation that won’t add an extra burden on your finances and won’t create further difficulties for your parents (do not opt for a DIY move, if you’re going to need mom and dad to help you with it – find cheap movers instead). Get moving estimates, ask about discounts and promotions, choose licensed and trustworthy movers to work with, and make everything possible to cut down the moving costs.

Good to remember: If you are moving back with your parents after college you may qualify for a student discount – many moving companies provide significant discounts for students, so your move back home may be quite affordable.

4) Be considerate and show appreciation

Once you’ve moved back under your parents’ roof, make sure you show mom and dad how much their support means for you. No matter how hard the decision to return home and the actual move may have been, you should not forget that your parents are also making a sacrifice to have you back and need to adjust to the new living arrangements as well. Do your best to show your appreciation of their efforts and to make things easier for everyone:

• Respect your parents’ house rules – Whether it’s smoking, sleepovers, or noisy parties, there will be certain things your parents won’t want going on under their roof – make sure they take place somewhere else;
• Be polite – Let your folks know you’ll be out late, so that they don’t worry for you; inform them of your plans in advance, so that they know when you expect visitors or when you’re not going to be at home for the weekend; be quiet when going in or out of the house at night; etc.;
• Make everything possible to avoid conflicts – Avoid topics that cause tension, approach problematic issues diplomatically, express your disagreement in a calm and polite manner; show tolerance and understanding; etc.;
• Do not disturb your parents’ lifestyle – Do not ask them to change their daily routine or their habits so that you can do the things you want when it’s convenient to you;
• Offer to run errands – Ask your parents if they need anything or if you can do something for them while you’re out. It’s a very easy way to help them and show your gratitude for the things they’re doing for you.

5) Help out around the house

When you move back in with mom and dad, it may be easy to slide back into your old role of a carefree teen and expect your parents to clean up after you or pay for you. Do not let this happen – act like the adult person you’re. Make sure you pitch in with the bills, help out with grocery shopping, prepare dinner a few times a week, do the dishes, help with yard work, etc. Your parents will appreciate every little gesture.

Besides, helping out with the various household chores will help you avoid feeling like a mooch, especially if your parents don’t want you to pay for anything in order to give you an opportunity to save up as much money as possible.

6) Set an end goal and work hard to achieve it

It’s very important to keep in mind that the new living arrangement is only temporary – you’re back home ONLY until you find a new job, recover from a recent breakup, save up enough money to get a place of your own, pay off your credit card debt, etc. So, make sure you work towards your goal as hard as you can – make plans for your future, apply for different jobs, build up an emergency fund, start looking for an affordable home, spend your money responsibly, do not stay home wallowing in self-pity, etc. It may even be a good idea to set a fixed date when you intend to move out (you can always adjust it if you’re not ready to live on your own by then). What matters is to have a clear exit strategy and stick to it. Then, you’ll be able to move on with your life.

SEE ALSO: Are you ready to move out of your parents’ house

All things considered, moving back home with parents may be the best decision you’ve ever made – even if you feel a bit frustrated about it. Let us know how it went for you!

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