Moving in with Friends: Pros and Cons, Challenges and Solutions

Living with friends sounds like a dream come true – you’ll be sharing a place with your mischief partners, saving money on rent and bills, and having your freedom and independence! There will be parties, and hijinks, and all sorts of crazy stuff!

Yet, in reality, it won’t be all laughs and giggles – you’ll have your responsibilities to take care of, your goals to achieve, and your lifestyles to maintain. And even though you may very much love your friends and enjoy their company, it may turn out that they have very different living habits from yours, habits that frustrate and annoy you – and vice versa.  No matter how well you think you know each other, there will be things about your friend you’ll only learn when you start living in close quarters. And some of those things may lead to serious problems that can potentially ruin your friendship.

Moving in with friends will put your relationship to the test, there is no doubt about it. When well thought of and properly organized, however, it can make your bond even stronger.

Here are some considerations and strategies to keep in mind when planning to move in with your best friend (or a couple of good friends) that will help you make the most out of your cohabitation and turn it into an amazing experience:

Is moving in with friends a good idea?

Before you make the big step and sign a lease together with your BFF, you need to be aware of what you’re getting yourself into – know what to expect and how to deal with it. In other words, you need to know the pros and cons of moving in with friends, so you can make the right choice:

Benefits of moving in with friends

When you move in with a good friend, you’ll be in it together – you’ll be able to help each other, support each other, and enjoy each other’s company all the time:

• Saving money – When living under the same roof, you and your buddy will be sharing rent payments, utility bills, and other housing expenses – so, you will both be able to save hundreds of dollars per month! No wonder moving in with friends after college is such a popular practice, then;
• Splitting chores – When living together, you and your friends will share not only the housing expenses, but also the housework – one of you will dust the furniture and wipe the counters, the other will vacuum the floors; one will clean the bathroom and the other will wash the windows; etc. You can take turns, or choose certain tasks each of you will be responsible for, or do the chores together – whatever arrangement works best for you. Either way, the work will be completed much faster and in a much more pleasant way than if you were doing it all yourself. Besides, sharing responsibilities and daunting household tasks may strengthen your friendship;
• Avoiding risks – A friend is someone you know and trust – so, there will be no need to run a background check or ask for references to make sure your roommate is an honest and dependable person; there will be no need to be on your guard in your shared apartment – your friend won’t steal from you, or lie to you, or do you harm in any way. You’ll feel safe and comfortable in your home;
• Having company and support – You’ll never be lonely or bored if you live together with a good friend – your buddy will be there for you all the time. There will be someone to hang out with in the evenings, someone to share your joy and your pain, someone to celebrate your successes and support you in difficult times, someone to hear you out and offer advice when needed, etc. You’ll have a trusted friend by your side whenever you need them. And you’ll have tons of fun together;
• Being yourself – There will be no need to pretend or keep an impeccable reputation when you live with a friend – your old buddy knows you, understands you, and doesn’t expect you to be polite and cheerful all the time. If you’re anxious, or upset, or exhausted, you don’t need to force yourself to smile and say that everything’s fine – you can just be yourself and even pour out your soul to your friend.

All in all, living with your best friend can be a wonderful experience – it may deepen your bond, bring you comfort and joy, and help you achieve financial stability.

Drawbacks of moving in with friends

As is usually the case, there is another side to the coin – despite its numerous benefits, sharing an apartment with your best friend has some considerable disadvantages as well:

• Lack of privacy – Being together with your friend all the time can be too much – sometimes, you may wish to be alone or to enjoy a solo activity or to keep something to yourself, etc. Your friend may want to hang out or have a party, but you may want some quiet time with your thoughts; your friend may want to meet your boyfriend/girlfriend, but you may not want to introduce them; and so on;
• Awkwardness – Cohabiting with a friend can easily lead to a number of awkward situations – it’s really hard to reprimand your mischief partner for their actions, after all (or tell them to pick up after themselves when you used to make a mess together, or let them know that you’d rather they didn’t wear your clothes, or use your makeup, or eat your leftover food, etc.). And things get even harder if money issues arise – what are you supposed to do if your BFF has trouble paying the rent or starts relying on you for food and such?
• Seeing your friend for who they are – When living in close quarters with your friends, you might start to see sides of them that you never thought existed. You may be surprised to find out how unorganized, or how petty, or how self-centered your pal is. Or you may find some of their living habits annoying or some of their quirks unbearable. It may turn out you didn’t know each other that well, after all.

All the above issues (and many others) can put a strain on your friendship and even ruin it – moving in with your best friend may turn out to be a big, frustrating mistake.

So, should you move in with friends? If you believe it’s the right step to take and you can cope with the potential problems, then yes.  Just make sure you prepare well.

Related useful read: How to convince your friend to move in with you

Things to discuss before moving in with friends

If you think that moving in together with a friend will benefit both of you and want to give it a try, you need to make sure that the two of you are on the same page – about everything. The most efficient way to do so is to thoroughly discuss your thoughts, wishes, opinions, and concerns with each other.

Sit down with your friend and see if you can come to an agreement on the various aspects of living under one roof. You need to consider things such as rent payments, house rules, and chores:

• Talk about money – Money is a difficult topic to discuss, but it’s important that you and your friend talk about it before you sign a lease together. Compare your disposable budgets and spending habits, determine what you can afford and what you need to refrain from, figure out how you’ll split the payments and what you’ll do if one of you experiences financial difficulties;
• Compare your daily routines – Talk about your schedules, your needs, and your preferences – make sure you both know what time the other person needs to get up, how long their workday is, what early-morning and late-night habits they have, what temperature they like, etc. See if you can coordinate your daily routines and lifestyles so that they don’t clash and you’re both comfortable in your shared home;
• Set cleanliness standards and split up chores – Discuss your cleaning habits and set explicit standards for your shared home – no piles of dirty dishes in the sink, no clothes lying around on the floor, no smoking inside, etc. Make a list of daily, weekly, and monthly chores and agree on how to divide them – you can either rotate the jobs or choose specific tasks each of you will be responsible for (it’s a great solution if one you doesn’t mind doing something and the other one absolutely hates doing it). Come up with an efficient system for tracking what needs to be done when and by whom;
• Decide how you’ll use shared spaces – You’ll be sharing the kitchen, the living room, and, most probably, the bathroom, so you need to establish rules for using these common areas. Talk about how to decorate them and keep them in good condition, how to allocate the available space, what you can and cannot do in the shared areas, etc. You may be good friends, but it’s important to set boundaries and respect them;
• Discuss your feelings on sharing things – Decide how to share the refrigerator and other household appliances, whether you’d like to share items like the iron or the vacuum cleaner, how you feel about sharing clothes and accessories with your friend, etc. (Make sure never to borrow anything without asking your friend’s permission first!) Don’t forget to talk about sharing food either – decide whether you will go grocery shopping together or separately, if you’ll share all the food or just some common items like cooking oil, if you prefer each of you to only use the items you bought yourself, etc. Make sure you share the purchasing of the goods you decided you’re going to share – if one of you does the lion’s share of buying, it’s sure to cause problems at some point;
• Define your guest policy – Talk about drop-in and planned guests – come to an agreement on how often relatives and friends can visit and how long they can stay, how much advance notice is desirable, who can stay in your shared apartment when one of you is out of town, etc. Find out if either of you wishes to have their significant other over most of the time and if the other person is cool with it. See how you feel about hosting parties and events – set clear rules about smoking, drinking, noise limits, cleaning after the party, etc.;
• Decide how you’re going to handle problems – Having a disagreement with a friend is much worse than having a disagreement with a roommate you didn’t know before – you care about your pal, don’t want to argue with them, and don’t feel comfortable admonishing them. So, you need to find a way to handle potential problems without risking to ruin your friendship – openly share concerns, vent out frustrations, talk over issues, etc. It may be difficult to bring up issues that bother you about your friend, but it’s better to address uncomfortable situations right away rather than let them evolve into a serious problem;

• Make it clear that you won’t spend every second of your time together – It may be your best friend you’re living with, but you’ll certainly want some alone time now and again. You can do a few things together, but you should have enough time to pursue your own interests, meet with other friends, etc. Spending time apart doesn’t mean you’re leaving your friend out – it’s very important to learn to respect each other’s privacy, needs, and personal space.

Key takeaway: Open communication is of crucial importance for successful cohabitation.  Don’t just assume that your best friend feels the same way about things as you do – talk about it.

Tips for moving in with friends

Once you’ve decided to move in with your BFF and locked down the fundamentals (finances, responsibilities, ground rules, etc.), it’s time to turn your attention to the actual relocation issues. There are many important things to consider when moving in with friends – what type of apartment will best suit your requirements (in terms of monthly rent, available living space, location, etc.), what household items each of you will bring to your shared home, how you will organize the move itself, what furniture, appliances, and electronics will be needed for the common areas, how to decorate your new home, etc.

Here is a brief moving in with friends checklist to help you make the relocation easier, more efficient, and less stressful:

1. Choose an apartment to rent – look for a property that suits both yours and your friend’s lifestyles, has enough living space for both of you, and comes at an affordable rent. Make sure the apartment is in a good overall condition and is located in a safe neighborhood, close to your workplaces, with convenient amenities and various entertainment options nearby, etc.;
2. Check what’s available in your new apartment and decide what else you need to get (go shopping together and choose items you both like);
3. Inventory your belongings (note down the type, condition, and value of every item you possess), compare your inventory list with your friend’s, and work out an agreement on what each of you will bring to your shared home. Make sure the items you decide to take along are in good condition, fit in the available space, and suit the layout of your new apartment;
4. Decide what to do with the items you’re not taking to your shared home – get rid of damaged, worn out and outdated items, clothes and shoes that don’t fit (as well as ones that you haven’t worn in over a year), old documents, CDs, DVDs, magazines, etc., any specialty items you no longer use, and everything you don’t like anymore. If you want to sell any of your old belongings, make sure you organize a garage sale well ahead of time or list the items online as early as possible so they get sold before moving day. Set aside treasured possessions of yours that you can’t take to your new home, but don’t want to part with. See if your parents are willing to keep them for you until you settle down permanently;
5. Pack the items you’re moving to your shared apartment with great care, so they survive the relocation safe and sound (See also: The golden rules of packing);
6. Decide if you’re going to move yourself or hire a moving company:

• If you’re moving to an apartment in your current city, you can perform a self-move – just rent a small moving van (or borrow a pickup truck) and ask several friends to help you with the heavy lifting. There won’t be many things to relocate and the distance will be short, so things should go smoothly. If you’re not up to the challenge, though, you can hire local movers to do the job for you;
• If you’re moving to another city, it’s best to hire a moving company – you need experienced professionals who can coordinate the move (your items need to be picked up from two different locations), ensure the safety of your belongings, and deliver them to your new place in a timely and efficient manner. Using professional moving services will save you a lot of time, hassle, and stress and will ensure the success of your relocation endeavor. Just make sure you find trustworthy, experienced, and affordable movers to work with – ask for recommendations, read moving reviews, fill in a moving quote to get an idea of your moving costs, request in-house estimates from three or four reputable companies in your area, discuss your requirements, preferences, and concerns with the movers, compare their offers, and choose the best relocation partners for you.

7. Arrange and decorate your new place together and make it feel like home to both of you.

Whether you’re moving in with friends to save money, fend off loneliness, or “ensure fun at home”, it can be an amazing and beneficial experience – as long as you and your buddy both show regard for each other’s feelings, desires, and personal space. The only way to have a friend is to be one, you know.

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