How to Tell Your Parents You’re Moving Out

So, you’ve grown up and feel ready to start your independent life – get your own place, create your own rules, stand on your own feet, start your own family… But even though you’ve been thinking about moving out of your parents’ house for some time, you’re still hesitant – and nervous. There are, indeed, many good reasons to feel nervous about your decision – not the least of which is that you may not know how to break the news to mom and dad.

There is no easy way to tell your parents that you’re moving out. No matter what kind of relationship you have with your folks, the news of your move will undoubtedly lead to an explosion of emotions – from shock and confusion through denial and anger to sadness and anguish.

Your parents will be worried that you’re not ready to live on your own, will be concerned about your safety and well-being, will not trust your judgment and abilities, and, above all, will miss you terribly – so they will be reluctant to let you go.

Therefore, you need to be very careful and very diplomatic when telling mom and dad about your plan to move out – you need to convince them that it’s the right step to take, that everything will be all right, that you’ll be fine on your own, and that you’ll still love them even if you live far away.

Here is how to tell your parents you’re moving out so you get their blessing and support.

Make Sure You’re Ready to Take the Big Step

Before you tell your parents anything, you need to be sure that it’s the right time to move out – and that you really want to do it. Nothing will be worse than convincing your parents that you’re ready to live independently only to change your mind a few weeks later (because you get too scared to remain on your own) or to be forced to move back home in a couple of months (because you’re not able to provide for yourself).

So, before you mention moving out to your parents, think things through really well:

1) What are your reasons to move out?

Have you found a good job in another city? Are you in a serious relationship and wishing to move in with your significant other? Do you need more personal space? Are you trying to prove yourself and grow as a person? Are you looking for new experiences and new opportunities?

You need to know what you want, to have a goal. Moving out “just because” is neither prudent nor considerate. Your decision needs to be mature – not impulsive or rebellious.

See also: Why do people move – reasons to move house

2) Can you afford to move out?

Can you cover your moving costs? Do you have enough money to pay a security deposit and a few months’ rent? Will your savings be sufficient to cover your living expenses for the first several months after the month? Do you have any emergency funds? Do you have a steady income? Do you need to start paying your student loans?

Moving is an expensive endeavor, but the relocation costs will be your smallest financial concern when moving out of your parent’s house – you’re about to start your independent life, so you need to be able to support yourself entirely. You need to have enough savings and, preferably, a job before you move out of home – or you may have a lot of trouble making the ends meet.

Related: How much money to save before moving

3) Are you ready to face the challenges of living on your own?

Can you cook? Are you willing to spend hours cleaning and tidying up your living space? Do you know how to make your home safe and comfortable? Can you ensure your own well-being? Will you be able to overcome difficulties and fight for your dreams without your parents’ unconditional support?

It may sound trivial, but when living on your own you’ll have to think about things like meals, cleanness, shopping, etc. Your mom won’t be there to prepare dinner and do the laundry; your dad won’t be there to mow the lawn and replace the batteries of the smoke detector – you’ll have to take care of everything yourself.

And you’ll have to take care of yourself too – to find your way out of difficult situations, to make informed decisions and correct choices, to stand for what you believe, etc. Your parents will be too far away to offer their emotional support, so you’ll have to deal with it all – hardships, loneliness, disappointment, etc. – on your own.

Related: Moving to a new city alone – challenges and solutions

You need to be sure that you’re ready to leave your comfort zone and brave the real world – you need to be sure that you really want to leave your family nest, that it’s the right time to do so, and that you’re able to do it – before you tell your parents about your intentions to move out.

Must-read: Pros and cons of moving out of parents’ house

Have a Plan in Place

The best way to tell your parents that you’re moving out is to provide them with a detailed plan of your relocation and your life after the move. When your folks see that you have put serious thoughts into your decision and have everything figured out, they’ll realize that you really want this and, more importantly, that you’re ready to take the big step.

Besides, having a set plan will help you organize your time and your finances, avoid dead-end situations, and stay on track throughout the entire relocation process.

So, before you approach your parents about moving out, make sure you:

• Plan your moving budget and your post-relocation budget;
• Gather as much information about your new area as possible (if you’re moving to another city or state) – job opportunities, cost of living, housing options, crime rate, climate, etc.;
• Find an appropriate new home for you (safe, affordable, conveniently located, etc.);
• Decide whether you’re going to live with a roommate or not (unless you’re moving in with your boyfriend/girlfriend). If you intend to share an apartment (or house) with a roommate and it won’t be someone you know, start looking for the right person well ahead of time (do not forget to run background checks);
• Plan your move – Decide which of your possessions you’re going to take along and how you’re going to transport them to your new home (ask family and friends for help or hire professional movers). Make a moving checklist with all the tasks you need to complete before your relocation, so you don’t overlook anything important when the time comes to start your moving preparations;
• Think about what you’re going to do with the items you won’t take to your new home – leave them at your parents’ home (if mom and dad agree to keep them, of course), give them away to friends, sell them online, etc.;
• Plan for after the move – how you’re going to find a job (if you don’t have one), how you’re going to get around (car, bike, public transportation), etc.

Related: Moving out for the first time – costs and tips

When you tell your parents about your plan to move out, they will have plenty of questions – so you need to be prepared with answers (very detailed answers, as mom and dad will want to know everything – from who you’re going to live with and how you’re going to pay your bills to where you’re going to buy groceries and how often you intend to clean your place).

You need to be able to convince your parents that

1) moving away is what you really want, and

2) you’ve planned ahead and are fully ready for the challenge.

Only then will you be able to get their blessing and support.

Bonus tip: Create a list of positive reasons for the move (great job, great opportunities, expanding your horizons, following your dreams, etc.) and positive consequences from the move (you’ll become more responsible and more self-reliant, will learn to stand on your own feet and stand for what you believe, will gain self-confidence and self-esteem, etc.). This list will come really handy – and will help you stay positive – during the moving-out conversation with your parents.

Talk to Your Parents

So, you’re well prepared and it’s time to break the news. But how to tell your parents you want to move out without upsetting them or getting in conflict with them?

It’s all about finding the right time and the right approach.

Choose the right timing

Breaking life-changing news – such as your intention to leave the family nest – suddenly will cause either an explosion or a meltdown. It’s, therefore, a good idea to try and drop small hints that you want to start living independently well ahead of time – so mom and dad have the opportunity to process the idea and realize that moving out is on your mind.

Once they become aware of it, be sure to integrate the idea into conversations as often as possible – talk about what kind of place you’d like to live in and how you’d like to set up your home, about your friends who have already moved away and are doing great on their own, about your desire to be independent and to grow as a person, etc. Listen carefully to your parents’ responses during these conversations, so you know exactly what concerns they’re going to have when you tell them you’re actually moving out and can prepare appropriate answers.

Then, when you think the time is right – and your plans are all set – share the big news.

Choose a moment when you and your parents are relaxed and not otherwise occupied and take the time to explain your plans and the reasons behind them in as much detail as possible.

Bonus tip: No matter how difficult the conversation may be, make sure you tell your parents about your move as early as possible – at least a couple of months before your desired move-out date. This will give your parents plenty of time to process the news and will give you plenty of time to set your plans in motion – book the services of a reliable moving company or enlist the help of friends and rent a moving truck, pack your items, say your goodbyes, etc. Keeping your plans a secret will only make things harder.

Choose the right setting

Emotional matters should not be discussed in public places – be sure to share the news of your move in a private setting. Plan for a pleasant get-together with your parents in a calm and relaxing atmosphere – at home, over dinner or afternoon tea – so you can talk at length and have each other’s undivided attention. It will be a long, difficult, and emotional conversation – you need everyone to be as composed and clear-headed as possible.

Break the news

Let mom and dad know that you have something important to tell them so they can mentally prepare for some big news.

• Start by appreciating all they’ve done for you – tell them that they did a great job at raising you and thank them for making you a strong, responsible person – a person who is ready to live independently. (Your parents will be less upset by your decision to leave home if you recognize their parenting efforts and praise their parenting skills – it will help reassure them that you’re not moving out just to get away from them.);
• Let your folks know that you intend to move out and explain all the good reasons for your move. Show mom and dad how you came to this decision and why it is the right step to take. (If your parents can see that you came to your decision logically and you have valid reasons to move out, they will be more willing to discuss the idea instead of just rejecting it right away.);
• Tell your parents your planned move-out date and explain your plans – both your moving plans and your plans for your independent life – in detail. (When mom and dad see that you’ve thought things through, they’ll understand that you’re serious about your plans – and your thorough plans will show them that you’re acting responsibly and maturely.)

Ask your parents to listen to what you have to tell them before they respond.  

Have an in-depth conversation with your parents

When talking with your parents about moving out, you want to reassure them and make them see things from your perspective – so you need to answer their concerns, show them that you can take care of yourself, and get them to respect your choices and trust your decisions:

1) Answer your parents’ questions – No matter how detailed you’re in your explanations, mom and dad will have a lot of questions – about pretty much everything. You need to come prepared with good, comprehensive answers – and you need to give your parents straight answers, even if they’re hard ones. It’s the only way to convince your family that you’re a mature, responsible adult who can handle their own life.

2) Stay firm – If your parents are opposed to your decision to move out, they will probably try to convince you to stay – or may even go as far as to forbid you to leave. Unless you’re underage, however, you don’t need their permission to move out and they can’t really prevent you from leaving. Yet, you don’t want to get in conflict with them – you want to make them understand that leaving the family nest is the right choice for you. So, listen to what your parents have to say, but be ready to stand your ground:

• If they start giving you good reasons why you shouldn’t move out, just give them good reasons why you should do it;
• If they tell you that you can’t support yourself, do the math for them and show them that you’re financially ready to make the big step;
• If they express their worry for your safety and well-being, walk them through your plans for after the move.

Whatever arguments your parents come up with, think of counterarguments that support your case. Stay calm and speak logically and confidently – this will convince mom and dad that you’ve thought things through, that moving out is what you really want, and that you’re ready to start your independent life. A mature attitude is what will make your parents respect your decisions and accept your choices.

3) Let your parents express their concerns and feelings to you – this will help them accept the situation and will help you alleviate their fears.

Be considerate of your parents’ feelings

No matter how old you’re, your parents will always think of you as their kid – they will worry about you, will fear that you may make bad choices when you remain on your own, will miss you… So, don’t expect them to be happy about your decision to move away – sadness, disappointment, and anxiety are much more likely responses.   

Even if your parents’ initial reaction is negative, however, it doesn’t mean they won’t eventually accept your choice. Give them some time to process their feelings, to think about it all, and talk with each other – the chances are they’ll realize that moving out is the right step for you.

Also, remember to look at the situation from your parents’ point of view:

• They want what they believe is best for you – the comfort and safety of the family nest and the support and care you get at home;
• They’re afraid that moving away will be detrimental for you – that you won’t be safe, won’t be able to take care of yourself, will have financial difficulties, will make irresponsible choices, will be used (or hurt, or deceived) by others, etc.;
• They love you and will be very sad to see you go.

Try to understand your parents’ feelings and assuage their fears – show them that you’re a responsible person who can stand on their own feet and fight for their goals. Let them know that you appreciate everything they’ve done for you, love them, and will still care for them no matter where you live.

Bonus tips:

• How to tell your overprotective parents you’re moving out – If your parents are overprotective, it’s even more important to convince them that you can take good care of yourself – your plans need to be perfect to the last detail;
• How to tell your strict parents you’re moving out – If your parents are very strict, you need to be able to defend yourself – to stay firm and not let them sway your decision. Remember – you’re an adult, so you’re authorized to make your own choices and your parents need to learn to respect them;
• How to tell your overemotional parents you’re moving out – If your parents are prone to emotional outbursts, you need to be ready for the rollercoaster ride. There will be tears, yelling, and guilt trips – you need to stay strong and keep reassuring mom and dad of your love and devotion to them. Eventually, they will come around.

Ask your parents for help and advice

Whether your parents are supportive of your decision to move out or not, you should try to reach out to them during your moving preparations – if you keep asking for their opinion and seeking their advice, they will feel included and trusted and will come to terms with the situation much more easily. And you will get a lot of useful tips – both about your relocation and about your new life – and a lot of help organizing your move, packing your items, etc.

Bonus tip: When moving out of your parents’ house for the first time, you’ll need all the help you can get in order to succeed in your plans – and your parents are in a position to provide a lot of invaluable help. Depending on your relationship and their reaction to the news, you may want to ask mom and dad to store some of your belongings for you, to give you some household items you need for your new home, to help you pack and transport your items to your new place (if you’re moving across town) or help you find reliable cross-country movers and give you a ride to the airport (if you’re moving out of state), etc.

Remember – even if your parents have a hard time with your decision to move out, they will probably still want to be a part of this exciting stage of your life and to help you achieve your goals. They’ll appreciate that you came to them for help and will be more willing to support you in your plans.

Must-read: How to move out of your parents’ house

Extra Tips on Talking to Your Parents About Moving Out

When wondering how to talk to your parents about moving out, you can resort to some effective strategies that will help make things easier for everyone:

1) Tell your friends and siblings first

It may be easier to approach your parents about moving after you’ve talked to your friends and siblings. This way, you’ll have the chance to practice your words (so you know exactly what to say to mom and dad) and see your plan through another person’s eyes (so you find potential weaknesses in your plan and fix them before you face your parents).

Besides, having already discussed the issue with loved ones will give you the confidence and courage you need to stand your ground when telling mom and dad that you want to move out.

2) Tell the parent you’re closer with first

If you expect one of your parents to be more supportive of your decision to move out, it makes sense to tell them of your intentions first. Once you ensure their support, it will be much easier to break the news to the other parent – and if mom’s or dad’s reaction is not what you were hoping for, you’ll have the chance to modify your plans a bit to make them more acceptable to your parents (or, at least, will be able to prepare for the worst).

3) Introduce your parents to your roommate (if applicable)

If you’re moving in with someone your parents haven’t met before, be sure to introduce your future roommate to your family. Getting to know the person you’re going to live with will help ensure your parents’ peace of mind – especially if they can see that your roommate is a responsible and mature person.

4) Promise to stay in touch

Your parents’ greatest concern when you tell them that you want to move out will be your safety – they’ve been worrying about you your entire life and they will be extremely worried when you’re away and they don’t know if you’re safe and well. So, be sure to promise mom and dad that you’ll be calling home daily (or, at least, every few days) to tell them how you are doing – and see how they’re doing. This will help lessen their worries.

Your family’s second greatest concern will be that they’re going to “lose you”. You need to reassure mom and dad that moving away won’t change your relationship, that they’ll still be a part of your life, and you’ll still love them after the move. Promise that:

• you’ll be calling, texting, sending pictures, having video chats, etc.;
• you’ll see each other often (if possible) – you’ll visit home regularly (preferably weekly, especially in the beginning), you’ll have them over every now and then, you’ll go out together, etc.;
• you won’t forget about birthdays, family events, and other special occasions and will be home for the holidays;
• you’ll never stop caring about them.

5) Have a meaningful goodbye

No matter how the news of your move goes down and how your parents act during the pre-move period, when the time comes for you to leave home, mom and dad will be sad. You need to find a way to say a proper goodbye and express your gratitude to your parents:

• Find the time to do something special you’ve always enjoyed doing with mom and/or dad before you move-out – go fishing with dad, bake cookies with mom, have a barbecue or watch a favorite movie together, etc.;
• Make your parents a special gift – something associated with a special event or experience from your childhood that will evoke happy memories and will express your feelings for mom and dad;
• Give them a custom picture frame with a good picture of yourself, mom, and dad in it;
• Give them a letter to open after your leave – or leave little notes around the house for them to find later. In your letter or notes, tell mom and dad how much you’re going to miss them and thank them for all they’ve done for you.

See also: How to say goodbye to friends when moving

Moving out of your parents’ house will be hard – for everyone – but if you leave on good terms, you’ll be able to build your future with confidence, knowing that you have your family’s love and support. Good luck with your new life!