Move Out to Move On: Tips for Moving Out After a Breakup or Divorce

Breaking up with a partner is (almost) always difficult and heartbreaking. Oftentimes, it proves to be too painful, too complicated, and too tough to handle, especially after a long relationship or after a divorce.

If you’ve recently watched a movie where two people end their relationship with a no-hard-feelings type of goodbye handshake and sweet promises to remain friends after the separation, then remember that it was just a movie and reality is a bit different than that.

Moving out after a breakup is often viewed as the ultimate challenge to overcome due to the fact that it combines two of the most stressful events in life: a breakup (divorce) and a house move.

Depending on the specific circumstances in your case, the relationship breakup and resulting move-out scenario can range from being a living nightmare to an anxious yet logical end, anticipated and accepted by both partners.

To survive a breakup and a move at the same time (Why is moving house so hard?), you’d better pay attention to the following pieces of advice on how to move out after a breakup or divorce.

1. React quickly when you sense a breakup is coming

Some relationship breakups end rather abruptly while others have had alarm bells ringing for quite some time. Therefore, if you happen to suspect that a breakup with your partner has been brewing in the distance, the first thing you should do is start getting ready for the approaching storm.

When living together with a partner, a breakup or a divorce will mean that one of you will have to move out. Under specific circumstances, both of you will need to move out.

Either way, you can no longer stay together as a couple, and assuming that you’ll be the one having to leave that place soon, then your top priority should be to plan your escape in the best possible way. And often, the best way means quickly and with minimum drama.

Even if the breakup scenario has come without any advance warning, the quicker you respond to the newly created situation, the better your chances will be of pulling off an emergency move without further complications such as a melodramatic separation scenario full of extremely uncontrollable emotions and unpredictable behavior patterns from both sides.

You should know your partner well enough to know roughly what to expect from them: do you foresee a fairly peaceful breakup or a devastating hurricane of hard feelings?

Ultimately, moving out after a breakup is all about damage limitation.

Option 1. Stealth move

When you have ended a bad relationship, you may choose to move out in Stealth Mode – cautiously, several boxes at a time, so that your partner can’t make it more dramatic than it already is.

That’s a viable option when 1) you’re breaking up with a person who you know will probably make a scene on the day of the move, and 2) you’re moving locally, not across the country.

Option 2. Clean break

The best option to move out after a breakup is to do it very quickly as if you were removing a Band-Aid from a cut.

To do a clean break, hire top-rated movers to come, pack, and transport your belongings in one go. This is a great option when you want to escape far away – that is, move to another city or state across the country.

Consider taking a day off work and getting it done within that same day while your partner is not present in the home. This way, you’ll save yourself a cocktail of overwhelming emotions of a prolonged move-out scenario.

Option 3. Mutual breakup

There are no ideal scenarios during a relationship breakup or divorce, but a mutual breakup comes pretty close. When both parties feel that separation is the only way out, then neither of them should try to complicate matters more than they already are.

Make sure you coordinate the move with your ex to form a plan of action that should work well for everyone.

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2. Be reasonable when choosing what items to move

Moving away after a breakup or divorce will also mean going through the hassle of dividing up your shared belongings. Now, it can be pretty tempting to take with you everything that you’ve ever spent money on, especially if you feel you’ve been wronged in any way by your ex. Don’t do it.

Even when you’re doing it in an attempt to spite your ex-spouse or ex-partner (Revenge is a dish best served cold!), moving too many items after the separation can easily turn out to be a mistake from practical, financial, and emotional points of view. Just think about it for a moment and you’ll hopefully see the logic behind it.

So, who gets what? Here are some tips to make the process of sharing your mutual belongings as smooth and hassle-free as possible.

• Don’t get too greedy. As you probably know, you and your ex will be entitled to divide evenly everything that you purchased together. In case he or she wants to keep something, then you should get compensated for it. And vice versa.
  But here’s the thing: it won’t be fair of you to have your ex-partner pay half of the original cost – instead, factor in the wear and tear that that item has had over the years.
• Don’t argue over who gets what. It can be truly heartbreaking to sit down and divide all the things you were meant to enjoy together with that one person. The best way to do it is to NOT sweat the small stuff and take only the things that you really love, care about, and intend to use in the future. Is it sensible to lug big and heavy furniture across the country and then pay more for their transportation than the pieces are worth? Try hard not to turn that important task into another battle that can’t be won.
• Start anew. For better or worse, the relationship has ended and now it’s time to focus on the future. Try to see the move-out as a new opportunity to start anew by leaving behind most objects that are likely to evoke negative associations and trigger bitter memories.

In case you run into disputes or problems when dividing up the shared belongings, you can turn to a lawyer to assist you.

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3. Seek legal counsel when kids and pets are involved

Without a doubt, the most challenging aspect of moving out after a breakup is what you’re going to do with children and co-owned pets. The well-being of your kids should be your number one priority after a breakup or divorce so you just must find a solution that works best for everyone.

It’s imperative that you always seek legal counsel when you have a child or children with the person you’ve broken up with. That is something you just have to do without delay because if you don’t, you could run the risk of losing custody of your child or children in the future, and that’s NOT something that you’d ever want to happen.

If you just ended a negative or even abusive relationship, then finding legal advice is even more important than ever.

Lawyers should be able to help you get legal custody of your children so that you can move out to another city or another state after a breakup and start again with a clean slate.

Once it’s been decided who your children will be staying with, the next step is to do your best to maintain their routine and even a sense of normality, if that’s even possible considering the tough period they will have to go through as well as a result of the breakup or divorce.

You, as a parent, should make sure that their daily schedules and activities remain as unchanged as possible to help them adapt more quickly to the major changes in their lives.

The same is roughly true for any pets you own together with your ex-partner. Do what’s best for your pet animals in terms of who will be able to take better care of them in the future. Cats and dogs are creatures of habit so you’re going to have to find a way to keep their routine fairly unchanged as well.

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4. Reach out to people you can trust

Moving to a new place after a breakup or divorce is not something you should be left to handle all on your own.

The emotional strain of having ended a (long) relationship will have a negative effect on your body as well, so in most cases, you’ll also feel physically drained and definitely not in great shape to pull off a successful self-move.

During such a difficult period, the emotional and physical support of friends and family members is critical. Therefore, until you can move into a new place and call it your own, you’re going to have to rely on friendly assistance more than ever.

Don’t be afraid to reach out to your pals and ask them for help – just any type of help will be more than welcome.

• ASK your good friends to come over and help you pack and move your things. That’s right – let friends help you move. Remember to take with you only the most cherished items and consider leaving behind all objects that will trigger bitter(sweet) memories of your recently ended relationship.
• SURROUND yourself with people you trust so that you can get the emotional support you need to survive that tough move. That way, you’ll be able to discuss the situation with your best pals, share with them your feelings, and maybe even get good advice from someone who may have already gone through a similar type of ordeal. Hopefully, having people you love and trust by your side will help you move on after the breakup or divorce.
• GET the timing right to prevent additional problems for you. Have your friends give you a hand during a period when your ex-partner won’t be home to avoid awkward moments or possible disputes and fights in front of your pals.
• ASK your best friends if you can stay with any of them for a while in case you haven’t found a place to move to and you know that you just can’t stay in the current house or apartment for another minute. However, if you have to do this, don’t tell your ex-partner where you’re going as you won’t want to get your good friend involved in your post-breakup drama.

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Bear in mind that, with all the strong emotions after a breakup, sometimes you just won’t have the mental energy to open up to your friends, so you may decide not to get your pals involved in the post-breakup move in any way.

In such cases, you’ll just wish for it all to be done and over with as soon as possible so that you can be in a new place, on your own, and with your own thoughts.

And if that’s what you want and need, then your choice is clear: hire professional movers to help you move out after a breakup or divorce. You won’t need to explain anything to anyone either.