Tips for Couples Moving in Together [And They Moved Happily Ever After]

Moving is an exhilarating journey – a path to a new home, a new life, and a whole new world. Moving in with your significant other makes the relocation journey twice as exciting – and twice as challenging as well.

There will be plenty of rocky roads, dead ends, and unforeseen detours along the way. There will be hopeful anticipation, romantic expectations, and lots of joy. It will be a thrilling adventure, but fortunately you won’t have to embark on it alone – your partner will be by your side. And together you can do anything, right?

Indeed you can, as long as you remember that you’re a team and play as a team – make plans together and take decisions together. When moving in with your partner, it’s of paramount importance that you openly share your concerns, preferences, and expectations and come to an arrangement that suits you both.

This may not be easy – you’ll need to find an efficient way to blend your households, deal with financial issues and household chores, and cohabit in harmony and peace – but successfully overcoming the challenges of moving in together and living under one roof will bring you closer than ever before and deepen your love even further.

Here are some practical tips for couples moving in together to help you smooth out possible bumps on the relocation road and build a happy life with your significant other:

When Do Couples Move in Together

First things first – before you make the big step, you need to be sure that you actually want to move in with your boyfriend/girlfriend and that it’s the right time to do so.

So, when is it right to move in together? How long should couples wait before sharing a home?

There is no definite answer, of course – most people think that one year into a relationship is a good time to move in together, but this period may feel like “rushing” to some and “dragging” to others.

No one can tell you how soon to move in together – the right time to do it is when you’re both ready for such a huge step in your relationship:

• You know each other well – When you’re well familiar with the other person’s habits and quirks, their needs and preferences, their way of thinking and acting, their believes and values, etc., you’ll know what to expect when living together and there will be no surprises;
• You’re comfortable talking about money, personal fears, embarrassing experiences, and other “difficult” topics – If you feel that you can freely talk about anything, then you trust one another and will be able to openly discuss any problems that may occur during your life together;
• You’re on the same page about your future – You have the same expectations and long-term goals for your relationship.

When you decide to move in together, it should be because both of you want to deepen your relationship, not because it’s what you’re supposed to do after dating the same person for a long time or because it will be more comfortable to live under one roof, or because you might be able to save some money on living expenses, or because your lease is up, or you want to get out of your parents’ house at last, etc.

Key takeaway: Make your decision based on what your heart tells you, not on what others think or convenience dictates.

What to Consider Before Moving in Together

The decision to move in with your significant other leads to a number of other important decisions that need to be made before you actually take the leap and commit to shared living:

1) Your house, their house, or a new house?

The first dilemma you’re going to face when moving in together is whether to live in one of your current homes or get a new place.

It may be easy to decide:

• If one of you has a nice home in a good neighborhood, you’ll probably want to live there;
• If you’re both still living with your parents or with roommates, or if you both dislike your current living accommodations, you’ll certainly want to move to a new place.

Sometimes, however, the decision may be tough – one of you may want to keep their apartment and the other may not feel comfortable there. Or you may not be able to find a new place that meets both yours and your partner’s requirements and preferences.

You need to take into consideration all relevant factors – available space, available features, rent/mortgage, safety, commute times, local amenities like parks, restaurants, and shopping centers, etc. – and make a decision you’re both happy with.

Keep in mind that if you choose to live in one of your current homes, you will need to:

• Reorganize and redecorate the space so that it suits both of you – in terms of needs, preferences, and styles. The person who moves in should not feel like a guest in the home;
• If it’s a rental property, notify the landlord and add the second person’s name to the lease so they have the same rights and responsibilities as the one already living in the apartment;
• Combine your households in a fair and practical way – the person who moves in should have as much space for their belongings as the one already living there. Decide together what each of you can keep and what you need to give up because of space issues.     

If you decide to move to a new home, make sure you:

• Discuss your budget and requirements ahead of time – determine together how much you can afford on rent or mortgage, how much living space you need, what location is best and how far out of that preferred zone you’re willing to look, etc. Define the absolute “must-haves” and “deal-breakers” before you go to see a house or apartment;
• Take stock of your belongings and decide what each of you will bring to the new home and what household items you need to buy. Be sure to go shopping together;
• Arrange and decorate your new place together, so that you both like how it turns out.

2) Who will pay what?

Sharing a home means sharing financial responsibilities – when you move in with your significant other, you’ll need to create a budget based on your combined earnings and expenses.

A lot of people find it difficult to talk about money, but it’s important to have that conversation ahead of time as financial disagreements are among the most common problems couples face when moving in together. To avoid future conflicts, you need to decide how you’ll split the payments for housing costs, bills, groceries, and other everyday necessities and come up with an efficient financial strategy before the big move.

Discuss your incomes, credit scores, debts and loans, and other financial assets and obligations with one another and figure out how much each of you is going to contribute to your shared budget.

It doesn’t have to be 50/50 – one of you may earn substantially more money than the other, so you may choose to base your contributions to the common budget on a percentage of what you earn. Or one person may pick up the rent/mortgage while the other pays for utilities and groceries. Or you may have a shared pool of money for common expenses.

What matters is that both of you feel good about the division of costs.

Good to know: Experts advise that couples keep bank accounts separate, at least in the beginning. It’s a good idea to use a joint account for housing costs and living expenses, but each person should be responsible for their personal expenses (like clothes and cell phone bills, for example), manage their own finances, and take care not to lose their financial independence.

3) How will it all work?

Have you ever wondered why couples fight after moving in together? Why so many people feel disappointed and disillusioned after living together for a few months? In most cases, it’s because expectations clash with reality.

Therefore, one of the best pieces of advice for couples moving in together is to coordinate their lifestyles and set clear ground rules well in advance:

• Daily routines – Make sure you both know what time the other person needs to get up, how long their workday is, what late-night habits they have, what temperature they like, etc. – you need to coordinate your daily routines and lifestyles so that they don’t clash and you’re both comfortable in your shared home;
• Cleanliness and tidiness – Everyone’s definition of “neat and tidy” is different, so you need to set explicit standards for your shared home – no outdoor shoes inside, no clothes lying around on the floor, no piles of dirty dishes in the sink, no smoking in the house, or whatever either of you can’t live with;
• Household chores – Sit down together and make a list of daily, weekly, and monthly chores. Agree on how to divide them up, so that none of you feels like they’re doing all the work while the other person is lazing around;

• Visits from family and friends – Talk about drop-in and planned guests, how often relatives and friends can visit and how long they can stay without causing any of you to feel uncomfortable, how much advance notice is desirable, etc. It might have been great to spend the entire day playing video games or gossiping with friends, let your cousin sleep on your couch ten days on a row, or have your mum surprise you with home-made dinner when you lived on your own, but it won’t be so great now that you’re living with your significant other.

Such careful arrangements may seem like overkill at first, but these are all important things to discuss before moving together – setting ground rules and accepting responsibilities now will help you avoid problems and petty arguments later..

Bonus tip: What to know before moving in together

Living with your significant otheris an enjoyable and rewarding experience – but it is also a test for your relationship:

• You’ll be able to spend plenty of time with one another, share sweet everyday moments, enjoy mutual hobbies, and hang out for as long as you want;
• You won’t need to coordinate hectic schedules, worry about traffic, or waste time and expenses in commuting when you want to see each other;
• You’ll be sharing rent and living expenses and will need to maintain only one apartment/house;
• You’ll have someone to rely on all the time – you’ll support and encourage one another, will be there for each other in good times and in bad times, will laugh together and cry together, will share worries, fears, hopes, and dreams, etc.;
• You’ll have to make compromises – Living with another person requires patience and open communication. Each of you will have your own quirks, habits, preferences, styles, etc. – to make your connection stronger and ensure your happy life together, you need to agree on the best way to do things in your shared home;
• You’ll get to know your worst selves – Nobody is perfect and nobody can always put aside their negative emotions. When you live together, you’ll see each other tired, sick, angry, frustrated, and stressed. There will be problems, and difficulties, and conflicts, and disappointments… If you can stand your boyfriend/girlfriend on your worst days and in their worst moments, then your relationship is likely to last and get stronger with time. If not, you’ll know it’s not the right person for you;
• It won’t be all sunshine and rainbows – There will be ups and downs in your shared life, great moments and bad moments, happiness and sorrow… C’est la vie, you know.

See also: What to expect when moving in with your boyfriend

Remember that spending the weekend with your romantic partner or sleeping over a couple of nights a week is very different from actually living together.

Therefore, it may be best to do a “test run” before moving in permanently – live together for a month to get a feel of how things will be.  If it goes smoothly, you can fearlessly take the next step.

What to Do Before Moving in Together

Once you’ve decided to move in together and locked down the fundamentals (expectations, finances, responsibilities, etc.), it’s time to decide which of your belongings will be moved into your shared home and what you’ll have to give up because of insufficient space.

Parting with some of your cherished possessions may be difficult, but unless you can afford a spacious new home, space will be limited and you may have to make a lot of sacrifices in order to fit both of your lives in it.

Here is a brief checklist for couples moving in together that will help make the “purging process” easier, better organized, more efficient, and less dramatic:

1) Inventory your items – Go through your belongings and note down the type, condition, and value of every item you possess. Mark any unneeded, outdated, damaged, and worn-out items, as well as everything you don’t like or aren’t interested in anymore. Indicate valuables and treasured belongings don’t want to part with.

2) Compare your inventory list with your partner’s and mark duplicates.

3) Measure your new space and your larger household items to see which of them will fit in. (See also: How to create a floor plan of your new place before moving in)

4) Take a good look at your duplicate items and decide whether to keep yours or your partner’s – make sure you keep the pieces that:

• fit better into your new home;
• are in better overall condition;
• are higher quality;
• have greater monetary value.

5) Decide if you need to buy any new furniture, appliances, or other larger household items for your new place. Go shopping together and choose items you both like.

6) Set aside sentimental items, family heirlooms, and other treasured possessions of yours that have no practical value but you don’t want to part with. Discuss the matter with your partner and look for a solution together – maybe you can add shelves to use the vertical space of your home, purchase a larger wardrobe to accommodate more clothes, rent a storage unit, etc. It’s important that both of you show respect to the other person’s emotional attachment to their stuff, even if something appears to be weird, ugly, or worthless.

7) Get rid of the items you’re not taking to your new home before the move. If you want to sell any of your old belongings, list them on Craigslist or other appropriate sites as early as possible to increase the chances they’ll get sold before moving day. It may also be a good idea to organize a garage sale a week or so before the move.

8) Pack the items you’re moving to your new place with utmost care.

Bonus tip: When wondering what to keep and what to let go of, bear in mind that the more items you decide to relocate, the more expensive and more difficult the actual moving process will be.

How to Move in Together

Now that all the important decisions are made, you need to organize the actual relocation. You can perform a self-move or hire a moving company, depending on the specific circumstances in your case and your personal preferences.

If one of you is moving to the other partner’s place and it’s just a few streets away, you can do it yourself – pack your items, rent a small moving van or borrow a pickup truck from one of your friends, and ask several pals to help you with the heavy lifting. There won’t be many things to relocate and the distance will be short, so you should be able to complete the move safely and quickly. If you’re not up to the task, you can hire local movers to do the job for you, of course.

If you’re moving to a new home, professional movers are your best bet. The experts will be able to coordinate the move (your items will have to be picked up from two different locations), ensure the safety of your belongings, and deliver them to your new place in a fast and efficient manner. The pros will save you a lot of time, hassle, and stress and will ensure your peace of mind and the success of your relocation endeavor – you’ll be able to focus on your relationship and your future life together without worrying about packing, loading/unloading, and transporting your belongings.

Bonus tip: Make sure you choose reliable, experienced, and affordable movers to work with – ask for recommendations, read moving reviews, fill in a moving quote to get in contact with several reputable companies in your area, request in-house estimates, interview the movers, compare the offers you receive, and choose the best relocation partners for you. Be careful to avoid moving scams and fraudulent attempts.

Final Moving In Together Advice

When you’re already in your shared home, do your best to make it feel like home for both of you – unpack together, set up the place so that it is comfortable and appealing for both of you, stock up on everyday necessities, add texture and character to the space (curtains, rugs, artwork, etc.), hang your favorite pictures and photos on the walls, find appropriate spots for special items, surround yourself with your favorite things, cook your favorite meals, engage in your favorite activities, and fill the home with laughter, music, and love.

Bonus tip: Make sure you both have a space (even if it’s just a small corner) to call your own – a personal haven within your shared paradise.

From choosing an appropriate new home and blending your stuff and lives in one space to dividing financial responsibilities and performing the actual relocation, moving in together takes a lot of planning, coordination, commitment, and mutual trust. It poses great challenges and offers great benefits – navigating the tricky waters of cohabitation isn’t easy, but when successful, it results in a harmonious life full of warmth, happiness, and love.

The above guide for couples moving in together will help you ensure the success of your shared living adventure and set the foundations for a happy future together. It’s up to you to turn that future into reality.